Ex Gf pregnant and need advice urgently

fairy_lights

Was the break up particularly bad? Could it be anger and hurt about the break up that is making her act like this, or is she generally a difficult person?

VfM4meplse

heuchera wrote: »

And that's what she'll be telling the baby. That was my worry with this relative of mine, what she'll tell the little girl when she grows up and asks about her daddy. She's not going to say I was extorting money out of daddy and denying access is she.. she'll just say daddy wasn't interested in you. Women like that make me so angry.

I think the answer is to get weekly access and lead by example when the time comes.

There is very little that can be done if a child's ears are being filled with poison on the other 166 hours of the week, but if the baby's grandfather has an open mind as suggested, this is helpful.

darrens_here

Fightback_Jack wrote: »

Cheers Darren nice words, that's pretty much what I'm now doing.

She's doing it all out of bitterness, her demands are ludicrous.

I have sort of the opposite situation. I have a baby with my partner, who has 2 kids with her ex. He makes life so difficult for us where their kids are concerned. Picking them up late, cancelling last minute, being difficult when we ask etc etc.... making false accusations about us to the kids, being rude etcetc ..... we just played the "be nice" line.... it was hard when all you really want to do is tell him to grow up or f@@@ off..... anyhow, after a year or so, he seems to have come around now and is playing fair..... not sure how long it will last, and we "have his number 118118" etc etc... but better than lower ourselves to his level and let the kids see that.....

Fightback_Jack

Thanks again for the replies! She was a awkward person if she wanted to be, no empathy. It was a bit awkward but not crazy break up I just hope she calms down,

CHERA that is one of my biggest fears, mind games with the little one. I'm number 1 uncle in my family with all the nieces an nephews asking for me so hopefully that wont be an issue as ill be a great Dad if she gives me the chance. I've seen one of my pals go down hill as this happened to him and she was pure wicked for the sake of it. Didnt think id be in this situation also.

I've made notes on everything everybody's told me today and its very kind of you all.

VfM4meplse

When you do get access OP, try to integrate the child with their cousins. It will be harder for any mud your ex slings to stick if your child can see with its own eyes that you are a genuinely nice person to everyone.

thorsoak

Putting myself in the position of your ex-girlfriend: if we had broken up when I was two months pregnant, I certainly would not want you present at the birth of our child - for someone that I had once been in a relationship to see me in what is a vulnerable position.

A relationship with your child is one thing - a relationship with your child's mother is another.

ravilious_fan

Fightback_Jack wrote: »

I thought this may be a good place to get some advice on this..

So here goes... My ex gf is 6 months pregnant broke up with me and got a new guy. She is refusing to allow me to come to the birth, I dont think she is going to put me on the birth certificate, or give me any say in the babies name, or have my surname.
Saying things like ill see the baby a few weeks after he's born and you can see him a few days a month.


There's no question the babies mine and I'm over the moon I love kids, she has no reason to be like this other than being a nasty girl already using the baby as a weapon. I'm gutted and it hurts already let alone when he's born.
So, what can I do about any of this if anything? I don't want it to get messy but I feel I need to do something or she's going to try her dam hardest to push me out through spite.

Thank you thanks for reading .

There is no guarantee that this new man will stick around. It's a lot to ask of someone you haven't known very long to put up with sleepless nights and all the stress which goes with a newborn baby, and especially if the baby isn't even his.

You can't demand to be at the birth, obviously, but you should demand a paternity test and access.

FBaby

my advice would be to pick your battles. Being at the birth and having your surname are things that would be great, but not essential to you developing a relationship with your child.

My other advice is to be prepared to prove you are totally responsible. Kids are great, they love you unconditionally, but they also come with a lot of pain, tieing you when you don't want to, making you understand what true sleep deprivation is really about, and.... ruining you financially.

Are you in a position to have your child somewhere safe, will you be in a position to offer regular visitation rather than fitting it around the rest of your life, and are you in a position financially to help with the cost of raising the child. If so, that will all go in your favour if it goes to court. If not, then focus your attention on getting yourself in this position.

DomRavioli

Just go on Jeremy Kyle - he's great at dealing with this.

Rambosmum

I think others have answered your original questions well, I have nothing else to add other than I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Seeing my husbands relationship with my 2 week old son, I can't imagine denying my child that because of my feelings toward the father.

Secondly, how about setting up an email address for you child (hotmail or so) and writing emails and sending photos to it- telling your child what you do, photos of you and your life, how you felt when you found out you were going to be a dad, your hopes for your child's future, you could even include "today I asked your mum if I could see you, I really want to meet you" BUT do NOT bad mouth mum. That way, when you do get to meet your child and if they ever question why you didn't bother with them when they were little you can give them the password and they can see the truth.