Ex Gf pregnant and need advice urgently

Fightback_Jack

I thought this may be a good place to get some advice on this..

So here goes... My ex gf is 6 months pregnant broke up with me and got a new guy. She is refusing to allow me to come to the birth, I dont think she is going to put me on the birth certificate, or give me any say in the babies name, or have my surname.
Saying things like ill see the baby a few weeks after he's born and you can see him a few days a month.


There's no question the babies mine and I'm over the moon I love kids, she has no reason to be like this other than being a nasty girl already using the baby as a weapon. I'm gutted and it hurts already let alone when he's born.
So, what can I do about any of this if anything? I don't want it to get messy but I feel I need to do something or she's going to try her dam hardest to push me out through spite.

Thank you thanks for reading .

VfM4meplse

Fightback_Jack wrote: »

There's no question the babies mine and I'm over the moon I love kids, she has no reason to be like this other than being a nasty girl already using the baby as a weapon. I'm gutted and it hurts already let alone when he's born.
So, what can I do about any of this if anything?

Firstly, you can change your attitude to your ex-GF. Try being nice to her? Life doesn't always turn out the way we'd like, but you're more likely to access your child of you remain on good terms. Work on it as a priority.

Other than that, seek legal advice. Start with the CAB?

duchy

Even if you were together you'd have no rights to the child having your surname. Many children have their Mother's surname and not the father's even if he is still with the Mother.

There is probably not much you can do until the child is born -at which point you'd have to apply legally for access and parental rights. There will probably need to be a DNA test if she doesn't want you involved. You do need good legal advice.

Obviously all this is expensive and time consuming so if there is any way you can stop fighting and start communicating now and work on making a situation where you can be involved without world war three kicking off it'd be better.

PasturesNew

Two steps:
- DNA test once the baby is born to prove it's yours
- get the baby re-registered. Form GRO 12A. http://www.nidirect.gov.uk/gro_12a__re-registration.pdf?rev=1

Everybody DESERVES to know who their parents are - and not some blank space, or just the current bf because the girl's a loon. It is an important and significant document that too many women think is their 'choice' to put what they like and do what they like.

TBagpuss

OK, not being at the birth is very much her choice - there is not a lot you can do about that. Even if the two of you were still together then it would be her choice as to who she wasnted to have present during the birth.

In relation to the registration of the birth and the choice of names:

- there is no presumption that a child should have the father's surname - it's only a convention even if parents are married and living together, so I would recommend that you focus on trying to agreeon fornames and on the birth being registered in both your names.

I's suggest that you consider writing to her, say that while you would very much like to be present at your son or daughter's brth you accept that that is her choice and that you will respect her decision not to have you there.

Ask her to confirm that she will let you know as soon as the baby is born and that she will allow you to visit to meet the baby when he/she is born.
Expalin that while you accept that the relationship between the two of you is over, you do wish to be fully involved with your chld, and ask her to conform that she will discuss and agree with you his or her fornames, and that she will let you know when she plans to register the birth so that you can be present and register the borth with her.

If she is unwilling then it would be open to you, ultimately, to apply to court for Parental Responsibility Order, possibily for a specific issue order for the borth to be re-registered with both your details.

However, ou may find that in the first instance, a gentler approach where you explicitly acknowledge and respect her choices about the birth, may be more productive.

You come across as quite bitter and angry in your post, and while it is understndable that you are upset, it may be that your hostility is part of the issue - i.e that she feels that you are trying to tell her what to do and that sis pushing back agaisnt that.

Is there any thord party such as her Mum or other family member who you get on with, who you might be be able to talk to to try to work things out? For instnace, if her mum is able to bring the baby to meet you outside your ex's hospital room so that you and she don't need to meet.

Also - how recently did you break up? if she is 6 months pregnat you've another 3 months beforethe baby is due. If the split is recent, then it woul probably be sensble to back off a little. Write no, letting her know that you do wish to be involved with the baby and asking that she keep you informed, but then back off a bit and let the dust from the break up settle.

heuchera

Fightback_Jack wrote: »

I thought this may be a good place to get some advice on this..

So here goes... My ex gf is 6 months pregnant broke up with me and got a new guy. She is refusing to allow me to come to the birth, I dont think she is going to put me on the birth certificate, or give me any say in the babies name, or have my surname.
Saying things like ill see the baby a few weeks after he's born and you can see him a few days a month.


There's no question the babies mine and I'm over the moon I love kids, she has no reason to be like this other than being a nasty girl already using the baby as a weapon. I'm gutted and it hurts already let alone when he's born.
So, what can I do about any of this if anything? I don't want it to get messy but I feel I need to do something or she's going to try her dam hardest to push me out through spite.

Thank you thanks for reading .

Unfortunately the law does appear to be on the side of the mother of the child in scenarios like this A relative of mine was being denied access to his baby daughter because the baby's mother (his ex) was saying she wants £900 a month from him 'or forget it':eek::mad:

I would contact families need fathers and see what they advise. (Avoid fathers4justice btw, - they're just a bunch of militants)

Fightback_Jack

Your replies were all excellent thank you for putting the time into them, some real thought out answers thanks.

That's what I feared I would have to wait until the babies born, then start the process by which time I've missed his first few months.

To the first poster I'm not bitter, I just explained the situation.
I have tried to meet her to discuss it, tried calling, texting. She blanks me, she's lost most of her mates due to what she is doing to me. A simple face to face to stop this nonsense doesn't have to be this hard, but she wont and she has no good reason, she holds all the cards !

Bagpuss I went down that route explaining all of that. She wasn't interested its "her baby" I did contact her Dad and tell him I do want to be a Dad and ill help her in anyway I can. He was shocked all he heard from his daughter was I wasn't interested.

Its a shame the law still heavily favours the woman it should be instant equal rights.

We broke up about 4 months ago, I'm a chilled guy so doing this the diplomatic way no screaming shouting etc... I didn't see alot of my Dad and he died when I was 16 so It would tear me up if mine didnt see his.

darrens_here

as advised above, dont think you can demand to be at the birth. I became a father 16 months ago, and totally understand why you would want to be there...... HOWEVER,,,, seems she clearly doesnt want you there, and probably will have new guy there.

This must kill you... and I get that... BUT

the baby is yours. If you pester her, stress her etc about this (when she probably wont change her mind) it will just stress her, and her unborn baby... .. so my advice, however hard it will be is to take a step back, for the health of your baby. Get the legal actions in place for visits etc once baby is born, but do not let your urges and wants impede on the heath and welfare of your baby.... you will get your time for sure........ be the best DAD you can be.

Fightback_Jack

Cheers Darren nice words, that's pretty much what I'm now doing. An yeah she probably will have him there.

When I say I tried texting her calling etc... This isn't daily or hourly lol I'm not harassing but yes obviously I would never try an upset her or stress her out because of the baby.

She's doing it all out of bitterness, her demands are ludicrous.

heuchera

Fightback_Jack wrote: »

Bagpuss I went down that route explaining all of that. She wasn't interested its "her baby" I did contact her Dad and tell him I do want to be a Dad and ill help her in anyway I can. He was shocked all he heard from his daughter was I wasn't interested.

And that's what she'll be telling the baby. That was my worry with this relative of mine, what she'll tell the little girl when she grows up and asks about her daddy. She's not going to say I was extorting money out of daddy and denying access is she.. she'll just say daddy wasn't interested in you. Women like that make me so angry.

foxtrotoscar_2

How does most of her mates 'know' what she is 'doing to you'?