I feel like I've ruined my life!!

Terryschocorange

daytona0 wrote: »

I have offered advice based on what op told us.

You dug deeper and suggested things that were not mentioned in the OP. As I have said, a direct approach may sometimes work but in this instance I feel that your comments were insensitive and not appropriate in relation to the OP.

I am not going to comment on this again as it's unfair on the OP who posted in an attempt to receive supportive advice.

Jojo_fry

Hey,

Just want to say two things; don't give up - there is always a solution, you're in the right place here, there are so many savvy people as well as actual debt advisors from Step Change who can help you get a handle on things, so please try not to panic.

Secondly, try to stop judging yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of, you haven't done anything 'wrong'. And you are taking steps to fix it, which is positive. I do think that the no.1 way of alleviating some of your anxiety would be to talk to your partner, that's what relationships are supposed to be for, supporting each other. Once it's all out in the open and you can talk it through together I think you will make much better progress.

Best of luck!

R89

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all your replies and advice, it means a lot.

None of my debts have come from gambling but being honest I am addicted to spending/shopping. It's never anything really expensive or flashy, Cd here, Dvd there etc and also lots and lots of things for my children, such as toys and clothes etc. I would say that half my debt has come from my addictive spending and the rest has been on day to day expenses. Up until 6 months ago my OH only worked a handful of hours a week, so I was paying more towards the groceries etc.

I have decided I will definitely be telling my OH but I want to try and get a plan in place beforehand.

Again I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's replied. It's been a great help and hopefully going forward I can turn my financial life around.

daytona0

Terryschocorange wrote: »

You dug deeper and suggested things that were not mentioned in the OP. As I have said, a direct approach may sometimes work but in this instance I feel that your comments were insensitive and not appropriate in relation to the OP.

I am not going to comment on this again as it's unfair on the OP who posted in an attempt to receive supportive advice.

Whereas I feel that we have discovered something tangible from the OP

I would say that half my debt has come from my addictive spending and the rest has been on day to day expenses

I would be hopeful that you can see that I have helped OP to recognise/address the core issues and hopefully tackle them moving forward

Not everybody reacts badly to a bit of 'tough love', and those who DO react badly perhaps aren't ready to change their life.

Good luck OP. Tell your OH, sort out the addictive spending (you don't need things when you have a lovely family ) and tackle your debt. You'll be fine.

Brightspark87

Hi

Trust me when it comes to job side of things I completely understand - I am an IFA.

However, I make a much better advisor because I understand debt how I got into it and how I am nearly now out of it.

Now, lets looks at your SOA. Its tight so cant see much movement but you said your wife gets the benefits and does shopping etc? It might work for you what myself and my DH do. We don;t want to know what the others debt it. Mainly as it was built up before our marriage (mine mostly from an exBF) so we just have to sort it out. We say how much basics are (such a the food shopping as this is great place to cut back) and then the left over is our money which is used to pay down debt.

If you don't share this - even if its not the physical amounts it will be difficult for you to manage in 6 months. You need to start paying down these debts now.

Also, she may have some spare time or you both can do things such as earn extra money form surveys etc to help pay for every day things and pay off the debt. Building up more than £200 cash is important too.

Mainly, don't be worried. You've not ruined your life.

firesidemaid

R89, you can really turn this around - use this LBM as your opportunity of a lifetime


you only earn money once, and the best way to save it is not to spend it in the first place.


you will need to work with your OH moving forward on shopping generally - for example so that there are grocery supplies to enable you to take your lunches to work. Stop buying 'stuff' you don't need - for things you DO need, find smarter ways of buying them, such as sales, charity shops, use cashback sites etc. This site is full of canny tips as you will find.


Change your tv package to NOW TV for £6.95 a month if you have to have something, likewise get a £7.50 mobile contract with a free phone (but still use your old one and sell the new phone). You could also prob save on contents insurance - AND get cashback on ALL of these.


Are you/OH collecting nectar/clubcard points and using them to their best advantage?


Can you sell some of the items you have purchased?


What pet do you have/what do you feed him/her? How old is he/she? Does he/she have any existing illnesses?


Use these savings to overpay your Lloyds card.

Let your OH know that when you have paid them off, you will then use your new knowledge and money saved to treat the family or save for a mortgage deposit. JUST THINK, if you can pay off these debts then you can SAVE the same amount too as you are still really young


If you think you will find it hard then give yourself £20 a month pocket money - but remember what you don't spend will enable you to pay it all off quicker

Scrimps

You havent ruined your life at all. I had a similar level of debt at your age and it is coming right down now. I agree with what all the others have said above.

As you accrued it the same as I did, by spending on things that you dont need can I suggest having a really good sort through and selling the stuff.

I sold a lot of my CD's and DVD's at car boot sales a lot that were left over I eventually music magpied them.

It was a bit of a horror show getting 20p for a CD that I spent over £10 on but every time I encountered that, it was a hefty reminder to stop spending money on the stuff I simply dont need, some of them were still in the cellophane!.....I will never return to buying DVD's purely so I would have them on my shelf.

I got rid of so much stuff and got hundreds for it spread over a number car boot sales and music magpie etc. Its amazing what people will buy at a car boot sale, by all means get what you can for your stuff but its better to get a few pence for it than take it back home and put it on your shelf again.

Carboot sales are better in the spring and summer but prior to that you could get started on ebay/gumtree etc and carboot the rest.

NicA

Hiya,

I won't repeat the tell your other half line. it seems like you are covering all household bills, could your partner set up a standing order to you towards those? Or take on the rent as she is getting the housing benefit?

The only other option I can think of, as you don't really want a DMP is a loan, but an unsecured loan for that amount would be hard to come by.

EssexHebridean

I honestly think if you can sort things with your OH then pooling your resources would be a good way forwards. NOT joint finances as such - as it would be crazy to link her with you in that way bearing in mind your current situation, but to actually work together on this may well help you fix it sooner. Removing the apps from the phone is a definite positive step too - well done on that.

As for the SOA - the gym needs to go, and I know it's tough with kids, but the satellite TV too. If the mobile isn't in contract then either straight PAYG or a sim only deal will save you a small amount. Lunches from home, yes, can you cut the car usage at all? Even just a couple of miles less a day will help mount up, and some additional walking would help offset the loss of the gym membership, too. You CAN fix this - I'm absolutely confident of that, but if a DMP or similar is not an ideal option for you then working together with the OH on it, and being serious about sorting it out, are absolute essentials.

Good luck!