I feel like I've ruined my life!!

daytona0

chester81 wrote: »

I know that you are trying to help but this is harsh. The OP has come here to offload and ask for advice based on the information that he has chosen to share. We need to respect that and not try to read into anything as we don't know him. There are 101 reasons why people end up in debt. I ended up owing 40K with nothing to show for it and I don't ever gamble.

The OP will most likely be going through a whole range of emotions at the moment and we need to tread carefully.

26 year old ran up 28k of debt and didn't tell his OH/family.... That's the bottom line. Where has the money gone? Why wasn't OH told? I might be completely wide of the mark with my gambling example BUT what if I'm right? Do we just advise the OP to set up repayment plans etc when there is a possible underlying issue which hasn't been addressed? That just leads to a possible relapse and a situation whereby OP DOES mess up their life....

I would much much rather be harsh if it were to potentially help someone who has an underlying issue address it and move on with their life. If I'm wrong then OP has sound advice from everyone else.

Nowornever

You say your debts, but didn't you and wife occur them together? You mentioned you are paying for day to day stuff on the cards?

Therefore you need to tell her, why did you feel the need to buy all this extra stuff?

I don't think your life is over, you have two kids. As a result of debt I so far haven't been able to have kids...

sourcrates

R89 wrote: »

I'm 26 & Married with 2 kids and I've got debts totaling £28,772.80 spread over 4 credit cards., luckily £25k is on 0% but only for another 6 months. When the 0% period ends I really don't know what I will do because my payments will go through the roof.

Hi R89,

Ok let's list your options here.

No amount of jiggling with your outgoings is going to solve this.

Let's assume for one moment that your income will stay the same.
You are just managing the minimums now, but in six months it will be show time, I would expect you to use these 6 months wisely.

You need to formulate a plan on how you intend to tackle this, the reality is, if you can't increase your income substantially, you will need to find some kind of debt solution.
This will involve you and your partner been on the same page, no two ways about it.

As you rent, and don't own a house, 3 options laid down by statute are available to you :


(1) Bankruptcy : not as drastic as it first appears, all debts wiped, usually lasts 12 months, may have to pay into the arrangement.

(2) Individual voluntery arrangement : typically lasts 6 years, leagal protection from creditors, all debts wiped at Finnish.

(3) Debt management plan : least damaging option, pay a reduced amount monthly until debt paid off, could last a long time 10 + years.


I suggest you contact either National Debtline or Stepchange, both offer free, impartial advice on the above options.

I would urge you to use the next few months to make an informed decision on which option would work best for you, then act on it.

If you decide to go down the debt management road, you should ceace all payments to your unsecured creditors immediately, and save up a good emergency fund before starting any of the above options.

chester81

daytona0 wrote: »

26 year old ran up 28k of debt and didn't tell his OH/family.... That's the bottom line. Where has the money gone? Why wasn't OH told? I might be completely wide of the mark with my gambling example BUT what if I'm right? Do we just advise the OP to set up repayment plans etc when there is a possible underlying issue which hasn't been addressed? That just leads to a possible relapse and a situation whereby OP DOES mess up their life....

I would much much rather be harsh if it were to potentially help someone who has an underlying issue address it and move on with their life. If I'm wrong then OP has sound advice from everyone else.

I wasn't saying that you were wrong, I was simply stating that your approach was harsh considering that the OP has only recently joined the forum asking for help. I don't think that the OP provided enough info for you to make the assumption that he is gambler.

I think that we have to be supportive in our comments. Tough love CAN work but you have to know the person first.

Pixie5740

R89 wrote: »

I know I need to tell my OH sooner rather than later but I'm terrified of this being the things that pushes our marriage over the edge.

Telling her will be easier once you have a plan of action in place. She will probably take the news better as well if you can present bother the problem and a solution.

R89 wrote: »

Even with a DMP, I have to declare this and then sit in front of a committee/panel and explain why I am in this situation and then they decide whether I can continue. If I don't tell them and they find out somehow then I will be bared instantly.

Being stripped naked because of some debt. That sounds a bit draconian. Whatever your profession is, you will not be the first one to be in debt and you sure as hell won't be the last. Perhaps once you've got all your options laid out in front of you then your employer might be more accommodating that you think.

R89 wrote: »

I will spend the next few days putting all my finances on a spreadsheet and then hopefully sit down with my OH and see what happens.

Good idea. Good luck.

daytona0

chester81 wrote: »

I wasn't saying that you were wrong, I was simply stating that your approach was harsh considering that the OP has only recently joined the forum asking for help. I don't think that the OP provided enough info for you to make the assumption that he is gambler.

I think that we have to be supportive in our comments. Tough love CAN work but you have to know the person first.

I don't think that the OP provided enough info to rule out the possibility of a destructive behaviour (for EXAMPLE, gambling). So I, just like you (probably based on your experience with the 40k debt) are just assuming!

If I'm wrong then OP needs only to ignore my post, but if I'm right then I've just offered advice which is 1000x more helpful than everyone on here. I personally think that everyone else has been a bit 'harsh' for NOT exploring the reasons for the debt, as it is a key indicator as to whether or not OP has an underlying problem.

To OP but if you have some destructive behaviour then please seek support for it because if you don't it may undo the hard work you do in the future. If you haven't, then please ignore my post and appreciate that I'm just trying to help you out.

Terryschocorange

daytona0 wrote: »

I don't think that the OP provided enough info to rule out the possibility of a destructive behaviour (for EXAMPLE, gambling). So I, just like you (probably based on your experience with the 40k debt) are just assuming!

If I'm wrong then OP needs only to ignore my post, but if I'm right then I've just offered advice which is 1000x more helpful than everyone on here. I personally think that everyone else has been a bit 'harsh' for NOT exploring the reasons for the debt, as it is a key indicator as to whether or not OP has an underlying problem.

To OP but if you have some destructive behaviour then please seek support for it because if you don't it may undo the hard work you do in the future. If you haven't, then please ignore my post and appreciate that I'm just trying to help you out.

It's not our job to 'explore' the reasons for the debt. I agree with Chester - we should offer support and advice based on what the OP has told us. I would agree that a more direct approach can sometimes be effective but I think that your comments are inappropriate based on the OP's original post.

daytona0

Terryschocorange wrote: »

It's not our job to 'explore' the reasons for the debt. I agree with Chester - we should offer support and advice based on what the OP has told us. I would agree that a more direct approach can sometimes be effective but I think that your comments are inappropriate based on the OP's original post.

I have offered advice based on what op told us.

depressed_but_determined

I ran up 32k of debt on my own without my husband being aware. It was on nothing in particular, I didn't have a car or expensive items to show for it. I just want to say don't be afraid to tell your wife, I finally told my hubbie when things got to breaking point. He was really angry at first but once he seen I was doing all I could to fix things, he fully supported me.
I joined stepchange in a DMP 6 years ago and I will be debt free in 2 months. I often wonder why people are so quick to suggest bankruptcy? I ran it up and I felt I had to pay it back. I definitely learnt the hard way hence why I will never do it again.
Good luck to you, however bad you feel right now, the relief when it's out in the open is indescribable!

Former_MSE_Andrea

Hi R89

Have a read of our Debt Help guide to see if any of it relates to help you with your options.