I feel like I've ruined my life!!

R89

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all your replies.

My wife doesn't know about the amount of debt I have and at the moment I don't feel like I can tell her. Things at home haven't been great as they are and I'm afraid this could be the final straw. I have cut up all my credit cards and below is my current SOA. Any expenditure not shown on here my wife pays with her small salary and I know that she does't have much money left after paying her side of the bills etc.

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1800
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1800

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 650
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 100
Electricity............................. 49
Gas..................................... 50
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 33
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 16.5
TV Licence.............................. 12.54
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 30
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 0
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 130
Road tax................................ 17.93
Car Insurance........................... 35
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 24
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 15
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 40
Haircuts................................ 10
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 20
Gym..................................... 20
Pet food................................ 20
Total monthly expenses.................. 1272.97


Assets
Cash.................................... 200
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 2000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 2200

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Barclaycard....................8799.94...200.......0
MBNA 1.........................14907.8...150.......0
MBNA 2 ........................2224.99...25........0
Lloyds CC......................3000......150.......29
Total unsecured debts..........28932.73..525.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,800
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,272.97
Available for debt repayments........... 527.03
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 525
Amount left after debt repayments....... 2.03

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 2,200
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,932.73
Net Assets.............................. -26,732.73

I've decided to stop taking my bank card to work in order to stop me spending on lunch etc and also I have removed the Ebay & Amazon app from my phone because this is a big area of spending for me.

I really appreciate all your replies and advice.

Jon_B_2

There are some areas you can cut back on in your SOA, but looking at your situation - the expiry of the 0% deals will send you into oblivion.

I would suggest you get all your ducks in a row for the next 6 months whilst on 0%. Get a basic bank account for your salary to be paid into and then just as the 0% is about to end get yourself on a DMP through one of the debt charities commonly listed here e.g national debtline, stepchange etc...

Pixie5740

Does your OH not work? Should you not be entitled to child benefit as your income is less than £50k a year?

I can't see that there's much to trim from your SOA although I notice you have zero for car maintenance and I would have though a car worth £2k would need some maintenance and it definitely needs a MOT.

PS, you've not ruined your life. It's only money, worse things happen at sea.

R89

Hi,

Thank you for your replies.

My OH does work part time and she gets the housing benefit and tax credits. She then pays for all child related expenses, groceries, child care and saves money for car maintenance etc. My OH doesn't know the value of my debt so I haven't included their income or expenditure because I can't control them at the moment.

The other thing that makes this harder is that in my profession even a DMP can be enough to make me lose my job and also my career.

Kitten868

You have not ruined your life. You are happily married with two kids, that counts for way more than any money ever could.
My hubby could easily do this if I didn't check up on him. We have just set up new ground rules together. I think we have a similar set up to you in that I only work part time and he covers most of our bills. We aren't doing seperate money anymore. We are working together to cut down our debts. Reaching out to her could help strengthen your resolve to tackle this. Do I judge my husband for spending loads of money on nothing, yes a bit but I understand (we have so little money that McDonald's is a treat beyond our means) and I judge myself too. You can do this! You haven't missed any payments and you're still above water, you haven't doomed yourself or taken too long to address this.
I have taken to selling my stuff and moving my bank account to bring in extra money. The credit cards you have offer long 0% offers. Get one paid off then you can set in motion moving it round to 0%. Challenge yourself to get rid of one of them. It's a start. X

Pixie5740

You'll need to talk to her about your debts sooner or later. 1) A problem shared is a problem halved. 2) You'll have to pull your finances together to tackle the debt. It's not as though you've accrued this debt through gambling or something, you've just been trying to maintain a standard of living which you can't afford.

If your SOA is accurate and you only have £2.03 left at the end of the month then you'll be up !!!! creek without a paddle if you can't get any more 0% deals.

What sector do you work in? Will a DMP really ruin your career? I know that in some sectors bankruptcy is a no no and that some sectors don't like IVA either but a DMP is an informal arrangement to repay your creditors.

christaitfife

I think you need to tell your O/H quite soon. Get a DMP together, know your course of action and your budget. i am sure by having answers to the questions that she will ask will help. It won't be easy, but telling her now will be so much easier than explaining when she finds out.

R89

I know I need to tell my OH sooner rather than later but I'm terrified of this being the things that pushes our marriage over the edge.

Even with a DMP, I have to declare this and then sit in front of a committee/panel and explain why I am in this situation and then they decide whether I can continue. If I don't tell them and they find out somehow then I will be bared instantly.

I will spend the next few days putting all my finances on a spreadsheet and then hopefully sit down with my OH and see what happens.

Kitten868

I'm not trying to pressure you to tell your oh. I just wanted you to hear something positive on that matter
I don't think your at dmp stage. You can still afford to service your debts. Keep up the minimums and target a particular one, for me it'd be lloyds or MBNA with £2200. Find ways to make extra income even if it's surveys. Maybe it'd be easier to tell her once you've tackled one or started tackling it.
Why do you spend £100 on groceries when you say oh pays for food? Cancel the gym? Cancel the emergency fund? Forget about your tv services? If you get new landline/internet bundle they cancel your old connection and do it through quidco and you can get £110 cashback and it'll only cost you £19.50 a month. We did it and got £180 cash back and spend £17.70 a month on it. There are good deals on there. Ditto your energy bills. Do seem quite high.
All these bits do add up

chester81

daytona0 wrote: »

Forgive me for being so bold, but there is more to this than what you're telling us....

If your OH doesn't know about the debt then I'm baffled as to how it can be 'normal' expenditure such as childcare and going out to restaurants and stuff... I'm immediately thinking a gambling problem if I'm being honest.... Young, male, huge debt to income ratio...

You haven't ruined your life per se, but you're close to it... walking the line lad. £1.8k net/month with a partner should be plenty for a modest existence with kids (with minimal CC usage).... I just can't believe that you don't have some sort of underlying money problem which is actually what you need help with, especially with OH not knowing it (and it seemingly being a last straw kind of thing).

You have to be honest to yourself about how you got into such a hole and then you need to also speak to your OH. If you've been a selfish twit (gambling etc) then this is crunch time (and you deserve to hit rock bottom if you continue) and if you've actually genuinely spent it on family stuff then you not only need to practice better communication with your OH but also stop spending so much!

I know that you are trying to help but this is harsh. The OP has come here to offload and ask for advice based on the information that he has chosen to share. We need to respect that and not try to read into anything as we don't know him. There are 101 reasons why people end up in debt. I ended up owing 40K with nothing to show for it and I don't ever gamble.

The OP will most likely be going through a whole range of emotions at the moment and we need to tread carefully.