Father passed away, no contact

Frugal_gem

Hi everyone,

I'm a long time lurker and this is an unfortunate first post.

I have been informed this week that my biological father has passed away. I last saw him when I was three and have had no contact at all for the last thirty years.

Sadly, I am the only next of kin. There are siblings but they are all estranged and he didn't seem to have any close friends.

Long story short, it is me who will be dealing with everything.

As I don't know this man I am at at a bit of a loss as to where to start.

I don't want to pay for the funeral as I don't have the funds but I'm not going to turn my back and walk away.

Does anyone have any advice as to where to start? I realise this is probably not usual. There are things like funeral arrangements, house clearance, and then things like getting the death certificate etc. I am a little lost!

If anyone can point me in the right direction I'd be very grateful.

Thanks.

Mojisola

First of all, you don't have to do anything.

Unless you are sure that he has left enough to cover the funeral costs and repay any debts he had, it would be best to step away from it all.

There's a sticky at the top of this board - have a look there and here - https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/overview - to start with.

RAS

Hi

Sorry for your loss; which may actually be harder to deal with when you did not have an on-going relationship.

There are several things to sort out and it is important to separate out the roles. Also if you are not well off it is also important to avoid taking on responsibilities unnecessarily.

You have not indicated your father's personal situation. Was he in rented accommodation? What sort? Who has been in touch with you?

If he has no assets then the local authority or local hospital, depending where he died, will arrange a Public Health funeral. This is a simple cremation service. You and anyone else can attend if you wish but it is likely to be at an unpopular time of the day so you may need a cheap overnight stay. You need to make it plain to the authorities that you are not able to fund the funeral.

If he is in rented accommodation, someone needs to empty the property. It is quite possible that the authorities have already started doing that and it is how they found out about your existence or your contact details.

If he has assets and debts do not wipe them out then the rules of intestacy apply, which means his children share them (England and Wales). However if the estate is insolvent (he owes more than he has after funeral costs) then it is important NOT to intermeddle (start administering the estate).

Hope that helps a bit.

Frugal_gem

Thanks for the replies. He was in a housing association property, the police contacted me as he had been dead for a little while before he was found and they had trouble locating me due to there being no relationship and a different surnamevand the fact that he seems to have not shared his life with anyone so no on had been able to assist.

I am concerned that if I say to the police that I will not be walking away, that will be it and I will expected to do everything. I don't want to walk away even though that is the advice I'm getting from family as well.

Keep_pedalling

How have you been given this responsibility after all these years? Is there a will?

Do not arrange the funeral until you have established that there is sufficient money in the estate to pay it. If he has no savings then the cost of his funeral will fall on his local authority.

Frugal_gem

Essentially, because the police are involved - he was found by neighbours after a period of time and they had to check it wasn't suspicious - they are trying to get someone to deal with it I think. At the moment I haven't agreed to anything however I am receiving a call tomorrow to establish what I am going to do.

I have absolutely no info. It's like dealing with the death of a total stranger except I happen to be related to him by blood.

I can walk away and let the authorities deal with it and that would be the simplest and probably safest in terms of money etc, however I do feel quite bad that there is no one who wants to deal with it and should I just bite the bullet and get on and do it.

duchy

In the nicest possible way - the police are looking for someone to remove the burden from public resources.

There is no legal obligation for you to become involved -and if you make it clear you won't get involved the housing association will deal with clearing the flat and the council will deal with the funeral.

You don't *have* to do anything .

If you arrange the funeral then you will be responsible for paying for it if (as seems likely) your Dad's estate can't cover the cost.

The "authorities" may imply it's your job to sort everything out..... but it isn't.

Morally you might feel as "blood" you should get involved but essentially if you and your Dad had no contact since you were a toddler then most people would feel that morally they had no obligation to a parent who was absent their whole life- and who appears to have also alienated everyone else in his life.

RAS

duchy is right.

Given the situation, they will have been looking to locate family members. In different family circumstances, can you imagine the fuss if they cremated a much loved Aunt Flo whilst her family were on holiday and did not tell anyone?

You still have the option of not taking responsibility but attending the funeral f you wish even if it is public funded. Whatever the authorities tell you and whatever your family say.

I would start by asking the police if a death certificate has been issued? And the LA may actually have some/all of his personal belonging in store.

LittleMissMolly_2

I'm a little confused as to why you are dealing with the police rather than the coroner's office, which is the norm in these situations?

Although the police have to be involved in terms of the initial finding of your father's body (and in tracking you down as his technical next of kin), the case will then have been passed to the coroner's office to deal with establishing the cause of death and inquest (if that is required). In the meantime your father's body will be in safekeeping at whichever hospital he was transferred to after he was found. If you step back, then it is that hospital/nhs trust who will have to arrange and pay for the funeral.

In order for them to cover as much of the costs as possible, they can sell his possessions, but they cannot come after you for any money unless you accept responsibility. Sadly the authorities are not very good at informing people in your situation that stepping back is an option, because they don't want to spend their budget on public health funeral costs. Please do not allow yourself to be bamboozled or emotionally blackmailed into taking responsibility.

However - a word of warning - if you are going to stand back (which in your shoes I most certainly would be, by the way!), you must not accept any 'cause of death' paperwork from the hospital, police or coroner's office and on no account should you be persuaded to register the death. Registration of Death carries with it a legal responsibility to dispose of the body at your expense.

getmore4less

LittleMissMolly wrote: »

Registration of Death carries with it a legal responsibility to dispose of the body at your expense.

legal reference?

never heard that before.

Can't find anything in the Birth & deaths registration act which covers the rules of registering the death.


The OP is probably not on the list of eligible person that can register the death.

Frugal_gem

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate it.

Despite saying I don't want to walk away, after reading everything and speaking to a probate solicitor friend, I think I'm going to have to.

I am due to speak to the detective tomorrow. Is it a case of saying I don't accept responding for anything and they will then hand everything over to the relevant council or whoever it is and I then don't have to do anything?