applying for contact order

Jacko_amz

Hi everyone,

OH is going to start the application for fixed access to his son, does any fathers have any good experiences of this?

he has made this decision due to ex constantly moving the goal posts with times/dates etc, not being allowed to see him on christmas or birthdays/take him on holiday.

There has been no domestic abuse or criminal convictions so she cannot use that against him.

any help/guidance would be great

elsien

Brother has fixed access to his children when he and the ex were not able to agree. He has every other weekend from Fri pm to Sun pm, Wed pm overnight on the week that he doesn't have them at the weekend, half of all half terms and holidays. This does mean that all his holidays are used for taking time off for the kids holidays and this isn't practical for all workplaces, so you need to think about the practicalities if this is the sort of thing he's thinking about.
He had to go to court to get this and it doesn't solve all the problems e.g. about agreeing which half of the holidays each gets, so anything that aids communication along the way is preferable.
You need to think about things like Christmas and how that's going to work - do they want to split Xmas day, or alternate each year, for example.
Also, although the arrangements are fixed, is there flexibility still needed? Brother has to go away for work sometimes, so the agreement includes varying the weekends if necessary.

Have they tried mediation at all? Brother's ex refused this which went against her in court, but it cost him a fortune in solicitors fees.

Jacko_amz

he is planning on trying mediation first so will see how this goes first, when mentioned to her last week she said she would not be funding this and wouldn't attend but we will see!

for occasions he wants to suggest alternate, its been 3 years now and hes never had a birthday/christmas/abroad holiday

Guest101

Jacko_amz wrote: »

Hi everyone,

OH is going to start the application for fixed access to his son, does any fathers have any good experiences of this?

he has made this decision due to ex constantly moving the goal posts with times/dates etc, not being allowed to see him on christmas or birthdays/take him on holiday.

There has been no domestic abuse or criminal convictions so she cannot use that against him.

any help/guidance would be great

You'll be amazed what she might claim.


However the positive point is, it's fairly cheap.


HOWEVER they need to do mediation first. (unless already tried this)


C100 for child arrangement, C1 if he needs PR, (and make sure child maintenance is upto date)

Guest101

Jacko_amz wrote: »

he is planning on trying mediation first so will see how this goes first, when mentioned to her last week she said she would not be funding this and wouldn't attend but we will see!

for occasions he wants to suggest alternate, its been 3 years now and hes never had a birthday/christmas/abroad holiday

Well if she's entitled to certain benefits, it's free for her (which is wrong, but anyway), however if she doesn't attend the judge will rip her a new one.


You don't need a solicitor.

Jacko_amz

Maintenance is paid every month, he is not planning on getting a solicitor. Going to be booking a mediation appointment for next week hopefully

TBagpuss

Both in mediation, and in speaking to the Cafcass officer and in his application and in court, focus on his son's needs and how the proposals he is making will benefit his son, rather than how the current issues affect your OH.

Try to be factual rather than accusing- "I have not had the chance to take my son on holiday" is less aggressive than "[Mum's name] never lets him have a holiday with me"

Be open to suggestions

Think about what mum has said in the past - what reasons has she given for changing / refusing contact? Think seriously about whether there is any justification and, even if there isn't, how you could address her (claimed) concerns - for instance, if she has cancelled contact at short notice claiming transport problems, think about what you could do to address/ hep with those problems.

Jacko_amz

Thank you tbagpuss, it is normally a change in contact because she has arranged something. For example this weekend he cannot have him overnight as she promised people she would give them a lift to football training, well I'm sorry but she should not be doing that when she knows it is his weekend. He has 1weekend out of the month and she does that

Jacko_amz

thought i would give an update:

OH had initial gateway mediation apt, the mediator concluded that as after 3 years he still does not have fixed regular access and that the relationship is too volatile they will sign his paperwork to take her straight to court. We are so pleased as it can finally start to get sorted!

Guest101

Jacko_amz wrote: »

thought i would give an update:

OH had initial gateway mediation apt, the mediator concluded that as after 3 years he still does not have fixed regular access and that the relationship is too volatile they will sign his paperwork to take her straight to court. We are so pleased as it can finally start to get sorted!

Excellent.


Next step is application, then CAFCASS

Jacko_amz

Hi everyone,

So my OH had his first court hearing yesterday, however it has been adjourned due to CAFCASS not doing a report in time.

However, he came away feeling very disheartned. He had a brief chat with the CAFCASS worker who made it very clear she thought he was wasting there time and that he has contact (however limited it may be) so should be greatful, and that he should prepare to be disapointed by the judges ruling.

He isn't asking for anything which is ridiculous! 1 overnight a week, alternate occasions and some time in school holidays.

He feels beaten already, there is no safegaurding concerns what so ever so no issues there.

He is going to have a phonecall off another CAFCASS worker to talk things through, but how can they make a proper judgment off a phonecall?

Any advice would be great I feel so helpless in supporting him.