Help making a decision - adoption and work

missbiggles1

AubreyMac wrote: »

Ah, no need to disagree with me as I don't make the decision nor am I saying its best, just stating what is usually agreed when children of school age gets placed.

It's true that children in care are usually behind in their education, but it's also true that a new home & new school would be a lot to take on all at once. The time off work & school is meant to be used to bond/attach & settle the child, not necessarily to home school them. If home life isn't a stable, loving & secure one then education (as well as personal & social developments) isn't likely to positively flourish anyway.

Although most birth parents are happy for their kids to return to school after summer hols, their children haven't been through trauma or loss/detachment as well as numerous placements.

Our two children were placed with us at the start of the summer holidays (we were both teachers) so we could have the extra time to bond. It was a really bad idea because, for all four of us it was a case of too much too soon - rather like moving in with someone after a first date.

The idea of having to spend a possible twenty one weeks alone with the children - (and short of money to boot) would put many people off adopting and sounds to me (not aimed at you) as the sort of daft theoretical idea that social workers come up with.

I'm by no means anti social worker but their thoughts on the children's education and it's lack of importance illustrated perfectly why looked after children do so badly at school and have such a high rate of unemployment when leaving care. I thought these ideas were supposed to have changed more recently but, from what you've said, that doesn't seem to be the case.

pinkcheshirecat

Hi, I'm another vote for take the job. In the meantime, save as much as you can. It took a lot of time and heart ache to have our second child, We put lots on hold for years, just in case....... Eventually I took the new job, bought a new car, and sure enough on the day the car arrived I found out we were expecting. I took a years Mat leave, but then worked for the company for the next 5 years, so I think they did OK out of it.

Whatever you decide.

Good luck!

AubreyMac

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Our two children were placed with us at the start of the summer holidays (we were both teachers) so we could have the extra time to bond. It was a really bad idea because, for all four of us it was a case of too much too soon - rather like moving in with someone after a first date.

The idea of having to spend a possible twenty one weeks alone with the children - (and short of money to boot) would put many people off adopting and sounds to me (not aimed at you) as the sort of daft theoretical idea that social workers come up with.

I'm by no means anti social worker but their thoughts on the children's education and it's lack of importance illustrated perfectly why looked after children do so badly at school and have such a high rate of unemployment when leaving care. I thought these ideas were supposed to have changed more recently but, from what you've said, that doesn't seem to be the case.

I clearly don't know much about your family, but I gather that you've adopted sibling groups. Can I ask how long ago this was and the ages?

I've worked at my agency for 3 years but it seems only a recent (and still ongoing) thing to thoroughly research the effects of sibling groups in adoption. Although before the decision is made as to whether adoption is best of a child, a 'together or apart' assessment is done on sibling groups.

You have first hand experience which is great to hear because it's REAL - not just policy or theories.

Although the very best efforts are made to match the right child with the right family, nobody can know for sure how it'll all pan out until the child(ren) are in placement or the children grow up and tell us what their experiences were like.

Have you ever thought about being a panel member? I find the best panel members are those with real experiences (adopter or former adoptee) rather than any professional with 40 years experience working in child protection.

missbiggles1

AubreyMac wrote: »

I clearly don't know much about your family, but I gather that you've adopted sibling groups. Can I ask how long ago this was and the ages?

I've worked at my agency for 3 years but it seems only a recent (and still ongoing) thing to thoroughly research the effects of sibling groups in adoption. Although before the decision is made as to whether adoption is best of a child, a 'together or apart' assessment is done on sibling groups.

You have first hand experience which is great to hear because it's REAL - not just policy or theories.

Although the very best efforts are made to match the right child with the right family, nobody can know for sure how it'll all pan out until the child(ren) are in placement or the children grow up and tell us what their experiences were like.

Have you ever thought about being a panel member? I find the best panel members are those with real experiences (adopter or former adoptee) rather than any professional with 40 years experience working in child protection.

Thank you, but no. There were too many negatives in our (non) adoption (on all sides) for me to want to get actively involved with the process again.

I do, however, still have strong views on the subject so am happier to discuss it in informal settings like this.

GwylimT

I took a year out of work when I adopted my son, after this I then worked part time. If I didn't want to spend quality time with my son or couldn't afford this, I personally wouldn't have chosen parenthood in the first place.