Help making a decision - adoption and work

AubreyMac

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Perhaps someone could tell me exactly why local authorities expect a parent to take a year of work to be with the new child? I can understand a period of adjustment is required, but a whole year....really?!

To allow adopter to bond and form an attachment with the child and for the child to get settled into their new home/life.


At first a child will be mourning the loss of their foster carer or birth parent and it can be a traumatic time for them and will take getting used to.


OP - take the job, once a child has been identified for you, you can speak to your social worker and asked for a financial support package. Depending on the child's needs you may be able to get the same rate as foster carers. This is usually means tested though depending on your agency.

meritaten

Thanks for letting us know what you decided Picklekin. Good luck to you all!

VfM4meplse

AubreyMac wrote: »

To allow adopter to bond and form an attachment with the child and for the child to get settled into their new home/life.


At first a child will be mourning the loss of their foster carer or birth parent and it can be a traumatic time for them and will take getting used to.

If the child is of school age, the adoptive parent should be able to work if they so choose.

missbiggles1

VfM4meplse wrote: »

If the child is of school age, the adoptive parent should be able to work if they so choose.

With our adoption placement, the children left for school when my husband went to work and then came home when he finished. I was at home alone from 0830 until about 1630 with nothing to do except housework All it meant was a lot of financial strain (just as the mortgage rates rocketed as well!) on top of the stress of the new set up.

Totally unnecessary.

VfM4meplse

missbiggles1 wrote: »

With our adoption placement, the children left for school when my husband went to work and then came home when he finished. I was at home alone from 0830 until about 1630 with nothing to do except housework

I hope it didn't drive you to washing the walls :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sorry, I couldn't resist

missbiggles1

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I hope it didn't drive you to washing the walls :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sorry, I couldn't resist

I always knew housework got you into hot water!:rotfl:

VfM4meplse

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I always knew housework got you into hot water!:rotfl:

Yep, I knew there was a good reason to avoid it and that would be it :beer:

AubreyMac

VfM4meplse wrote: »

If the child is of school age, the adoptive parent should be able to work if they so choose.

Yes of course. Usually education professionals will agree to a term (or thereabouts) off school for the child to settle too as it's likely they will start a new school so it's all a big change at once.

Adopters can not be coerced in taking a set amount of time off and even if they promised, it's not legally binding, but it's looking after the emotional needs of the child that must come first and adopters need to demonstrate whether they are prepared to do that and how. Time off work will be questioned during assessment and at panel (if it's not clear in their prospective adopters report).

Adoption is a massive change for both adopter a child and there is no time limit to when a child will start to feel settled and secure in their new home/life. It'll be ideal for the adopter to not have pressure of work In order to fully concentrate on the child, who is more then likely to have already experienced trauma and many changes in placement.

OP - good luck at your approval panel.

missbiggles1

AubreyMac wrote: »

Yes of course. Usually education professionals will agree to a term (or thereabouts) off school for the child to settle too as it's likely they will start a new school so it's all a big change at once.

Adopters can not be coerced in taking a set amount of time off and even if they promised, it's not legally binding, but it's looking after the emotional needs of the child that must come first and adopters need to demonstrate whether they are prepared to do that and how. Time off work will be questioned during assessment and at panel (if it's not clear in their prospective adopters report).

Adoption is a massive change for both adopter a child and there is no time limit to when a child will start to feel settled and secure in their new home/life. It'll be ideal for the adopter to not have pressure of work In order to fully concentrate on the child, who is more then likely to have already experienced trauma and many changes in placement.

OP - good luck at your approval panel.

I think that would be a really bad idea. Children who've been in care are usually terribly behind in their education (I know our two were) and missing another term would just be the final straw.

I also think it would be terribly stressful for the adoptive family to have to entertain/amuse/educate a school age child (or children) for that length of time - particularly when money is short because you're missing half your income. Most birth parents are happy to have their own kids go back to school at the end of six weeks, imagine being at home with one or more strange children for between seventeen and twenty one weeks - it doesn't bear thinking about.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with you very strongly on that point.

AubreyMac

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think that would be a really bad idea. Children who've been in care are usually terribly behind in their education (I know our two were) and missing another term would just be the final straw.

I also think it would be terribly stressful for the adoptive family to have to entertain/amuse/educate a school age child (or children) for that length of time - particularly when money is short because you're missing half your income. Most birth parents are happy to have their own kids go back to school at the end of six weeks, imagine being at home with one or more strange children for between seventeen and twenty one weeks - it doesn't bear thinking about.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with you very strongly on that point.

Ah, no need to disagree with me as I don't make the decision nor am I saying its best, just stating what is usually agreed when children of school age gets placed.

It's true that children in care are usually behind in their education, but it's also true that a new home & new school would be a lot to take on all at once. The time off work & school is meant to be used to bond/attach & settle the child, not necessarily to home school them. If home life isn't a stable, loving & secure one then education (as well as personal & social developments) isn't likely to positively flourish anyway.

Although most birth parents are happy for their kids to return to school after summer hols, their children haven't been through trauma or loss/detachment as well as numerous placements.