Help making a decision - adoption and work

picklekin

Hi all,

Some of you may know me from the long term trying to conceive thread so *waves* but I didn't want to post all this in there.

I have been trying to have a baby for over 3.5 years now. After many many treatments, one miscarriage and one IVF cycle we decided to go down the adoption route and are well on our way now, we are on stage two with our date to go to "panel" (the official bit where a group of people make the final decision) in February.

But recently I'm struggling with a choice. I'm VERY unhappy in my current job, they have thrown every policy ever written at me (and some made up ones too!) and even though the most recent investigation into me was found to be unfounded I'm still terribly unhappy here. Miserable to the point of not being able to sleep before days I work. Last year I made a decision to get a new job, and I have finally found one I want, I have had an unofficial offer (they are slow making a formal one due to inter-country issues), but I hope this to be sorted at the end of next week.

My trouble is do I take the new job, and if the adoption works out I could be looking at a placement at ANY time, from the date after panel to two years or even longer, its an unknown. However if its soon, I'd have to make a choice to either put adoption on hold until I have worked for 6 months to get adoption pay, or just suck it up and take unpaid adoption leave. We can only JUST afford this, but would mean cutting everything to the wire (and what if interest rates go up?). Or do I turn the job down, be miserable and just hope that we get a match sooner rather than later.

I might add that this new job is great, it isn't amazing to start with, but there is potential to really get my career back on track.

I also feel terribly guilty in accepting a new position in full knowledge I might only be staying 6 months before I go off on extended leave.

Any advise is welcome, but please try to be kind, I'm very fragile right now. If I've missed anything out feel free to ask, its hard to get the whole story down without writing an essay.

Homeownertobe

Go for the new job! It'll make you much happier and everything will work out in the end.

Carer

I agree, you can't base your future life on "what if's?"

Go for the job, the rest will follow.

Pollycat

Sorry, no advice for you from me but I hope whatever you decide to do works out perfectly for you.

Good luck with the continuing adoption process.:)

tea_lover

Go for the new job. People leave/go on leave after short periods all the time (sickness, maternity leave, things just not working out). Even with the quickest adoption placement possible you're still looking at a good few months - and as you say yourself it could be considerably longer.

As a long-term TTCer you'll have put your life on hold for years already to fit around IVF, to have access to maternity pay etc. This seems like a great opportunity to be a much happier person, which can only be of benefit when your family does expand.

Best of luck with everything x.

Izadora

Go for the job.
It sounds like it'll be a great move for you and, if needs be, finances can be juggled to make things work but it doesn't sound like you'll ever be happy staying where you are.
Good luck.

kathrynha

Go for the job. If you are happier at work you will be happier at home, and that is what a child needs most

TBagpuss

I agree with others - take the job. You'll be happier in yourself. If you had a job which was OK but not your dream job it might be different, but you spend too much time at work to be miserable there if you can avoid it.

krlyr

What example would you want to set a child in your life - stress over your job, stay in a job you hate just for the money, be unhappy in a situation you can change...or that life isn't always about money, happiness is important too?

It's only 6 months, from what I've heard of the process it can take a long time...if it were me I'd go for longterm happiness over delaying this process by 6 mere months.

VfM4meplse

OP you have my sympathy - its sounds like you'd like to be a considerate employee as well as wanting to be an adoptive parent. I can understand your hesitation but under the circumstances you can only do what's right for you now.

Perhaps someone could tell me exactly why local authorities expect a parent to take a year of work to be with the new child? I can understand a period of adjustment is required, but a whole year....really?!

Andypandyboy

I would also take the job. Life has a funny way of falling into place! Good luck.