My Marriage

mr_mephisto_2 · 29 August 2007 at 12:43AM

I'll start in January when it all kicked off i came home from work and asked my mrs why the sad face ???
her answer was i don't want to be married anymore!! I felt destroyed and no disrespect to anyone but i didn't expect this for me EVER! and for the past 8 months i have hoped for things to turn around but today i have realised that she wont come around and the pain i've been putting myself through is now almost at an end. I even got us both 2 go to councilling where i discovered i had issues from my childhood. it hurts me so much that i have lost my wife, best friend and lover(not sure what the best order for those attributes

) we have a lot of unsecured debt that we are managing. The family home will have to be sold and proceeds split after clearing all debts to allow us both to restart our lives. There are children too and the most difficult thing i think for us to do is sort access ( the kids need stability and routine). I'm still hurting so much "my wife" is the person i fell for @ 18 and then married 17 yrs ago (on 31/8) were both 40 this year too. I suppose the fact we have beautiful children means I'll be able to still see her (or maybe torture myself) this is so painful to type but also cathartic i think. We have a bit of equity in our home but whatever we get out of this will be a small deposit and mean a big mortgage coz I'm old fashioned and don't want to rent and pay someone else's mortgage for them. I'm not sure why I've posted this i guess its for any advice thats available. Thanks

maz123_2 · 29 August 2007 at 1:04AM

Sorry i can't give you words of wisdom.
Sitting here with a coffee and fags (not very DFW) but giving you lots of hugs.
Just come to the conclusion that my relationship is over myself.

Feels crap doesn't it!

mr_mephisto_2 · 29 August 2007 at 1:10AM

crap doesn't even cover it and my eldest is just starting high school too

and i'm sat here with an empty glass

maz123_2 · 29 August 2007 at 1:14AM

I don't know much but alcohol doesn't help.
Make a nice warm milky drink, or a cup of coffee instead, but stay away from the alcohol. that's an order!

mr_mephisto_2 · 29 August 2007 at 1:19AM

the booze is managed ta. I hate milky drinks bar hot chocolate, and i think bed is the best place 4 me cheers maz

daisy_doughnut_2 · 29 August 2007 at 9:26AM

hi there

hope you got a good nights sleep
reading your post reminded me of my parents split
my dad found it impossible to move on allthough it was his fault that my mother left i suppose that the same rules or guidence apllies tho with any relationship breakdown just dont cut yourself off you speak of your children with lots of love so that in its self shows your a good dad you said about if you see them you see your ex please dont let this be the focus of your relationship with them this is what my dad did an when mum said that he should pick us up from nans so they didnt have to see each other he couldnt handle it an stoped seeing us for a long rime kinda if i cant have you i dont want the children see every time he came to our home he would go on an on at mum begging to give it another go an my mum couldnt cope as she had made her descision my dad became very desperate holding on an it took him 10 yrs to move on properly he cut him self off from everyone lost his job an just became a hermit suffered with depression also only now as an adult can i understand his desperation an i wish there had been some one there to help him so i guess what im trying to say is keep active concentrate on your children i know you cant just stop loving but it will get easier thats me speaking from perosnal experience not what i saw my parents go through when your feeling low call your friends go out an try to distract yourself join a club as for the all the other stuff selling the house ect just try to be amicable its all you can do

i know its hard but you will come out of it ok in the end

daisy

mr_mephisto_2 · 29 August 2007 at 1:58PM

cheers daisy i had a bad nights sleep really went to bed @ 2 and woke @ 6 then fell back asleep had a bad dream and awoke @ 9. And making matters worse I'm in the spare bed in my sons room and have been for 8 months. Mrs says i should get out and rent elsewhere until we sell the house and split the outcome after all debt has been paid off, I'm not so sure as what am i letting myself in for? any advice? I know i now need to get a solicitor but it will help the fact that we are going to be adult about this and not fight (I've got none left) especially the kids don't need it. Thats one thing we agree on. I will miss her so much she was my soul mate and i dreamt of us growing very old together. But never mind a new chapter is being written in my life and its one i don't even know the outcome :eek:

harl · 29 August 2007 at 3:05PM

i have felt for some time that my relationship with my o/h is not right any more, becuse its me that has lost that somthing , what if it were you, do you belive that you would stay in a relationship if you did not love that person any longer .its not fair to yourself life is to short your children will make thier own lives ,i think your o/h should be the one to move out of the home if she really wants end the marrige becusse she will be able to get housing and help with money for the family as you will find it verry hard to get a house .unless you got a child .

laura1976 · 29 August 2007 at 3:18PM

No advice here I'm afraid, just wanted to say I've just read this and you've given me a kick up the backside to never take my situation for granted. I've always assumed life's going along nicely but I guess it can happen to any of us. Wishing you all the best however it turns out for you and when you need to talk about things or let off steam we're all here for you. Take care.