Parent's having issues with council repairs and temp move.

NYM

Off topic, but just wanted to wish deannatrois all the best for tomorrow (and the future!) x

drbluebox

baza52 wrote: »

OP, I will assume you have a mild form of Autism.
I have a grown up nephew with the same condition and he certainly could not hold a conversation in a forum like you have.

Get off your !!!! and go and stay with your parents for a few days to help them.
I'm sure if you were in trouble they would make the long journey to help you out.

I mean this with no offense but having a autistic nephew doesn't make you an expert on autism, neither do you know my situation such as I have mental health issues on top.

You also know nothing of my real personality, all you saw is me react to someone who snapped at me so I snapped at them back, you had no problem with them being blunt or calling me a liar but have a problem with me getting annoyed at their attitude, what would you have me say? "yes sir, I will do anything you want just because you said it"

Notice later I said I would apologise if they did, by that they would be admitting they were blunt and I will accept it and aplogise back, think of it like 2 friends having an argument then patting each other on the back after once its out of your system its fine.

What you then don't see is that 99.999% percent of the time I am timid, polite courteous it wouldn't matter if you knew me for hours, days, months, years or decades if the only time you saw me it was when I was having a problem you would judge on that doesn't mean its the right judgement of my personality though.

I am the sort who always hears stuff like "oh you wouln't hurt a fly" and if I wanted to socialise i.e go for a pint people are like "wait, we never thought someone like you would be interested" Its easy to judge when you don't have all the information.

I mean I am annoyed at what you said but know its done so out of not knowing the full picture.

Finally to go back to what I was originally saying I have mental health issues on top, and in a situation like this I would be paranoid that I would screw up something and to the point where I would essentially freeze, it's not that I am lazy or anything but can't handle stress and getting worse every year, part of the paranoia comes from the fact I am going through other peoples stuff (even though in this case they are my parents) I am frightened of doing something wrong that I get the shakes, I used to have a mental health social worker till they cutback on things and helpers come round every day of the week.

Now if they needed help UNpacking thats no issue as long as I was told where something goes just like I wouldn't have much problem if I lived locally as if I got stressed I could go home for a few hours and come back after I have relaxed.

Poppie68 wrote: »

I don't think you have ever used a removal company before have you?

We've used them 17 times in 25 years so I do have some experience....

Your parents won't be expected to move anything, all the fetching,carrying and loading will be done by the guys..
They will wrap large items to protect them from scratches etc, if any damage is done they are insured so your parents can put in a claim.
The removal guys will make a note of any notable damage before moving the furniture as well as take an inventory.

Complain away as we are lucky to live in a society that allows us the freedom to do so..What's it going to achieve though as there is no windfall that will blow their way, all it will do is cause extra stress for 2 people that you say are in such bad health that they can't pack a box.
I personally would be grateful for the free roof over my head along with 0 costs for the upkeep.

They weren't wanting or expecting a windfall just help packing and a stop to being messed about multiple times over the years nothing else in fact the very reason they are even packing is because they just want it to be over, the only money they would want would be if things were damaged and even then they would rather there be no damage at all.

I dont remember saying they can't pack a box, but I did mention they would struggle to go into a loft and lift heavy furniture, but they have been told conflicting things like they had to move all the furniture themselves and put it outside the house due to insurance reasons, and another time told the furniture will be moved by the removal firm, even at one point told they will get help packing everything its never consistent.

Im not doubting what should happen but since the council is giving conflicting stories about what will happen and due to over 20 years of issues and screw ups me and them know about the council is like.

People are getting the wrong impression and assuming certain things its the risk because no matter if you underdescribe or overdescribe they can only read into whats said and generally I notice when I talk if I write too much people assume something like I am moaning, or justifying something when im just trying to give a somewhat balanced picture.

baza52

drbluebox wrote: »

I mean this with no offense but having a autistic nephew doesn't make you an expert on autism, neither do you know my situation such as I have mental health issues on top.

You also know nothing of my real personality, all you saw is me react to someone who snapped at me so I snapped at them back, you had no problem with them being blunt or calling me a liar but have a problem with me getting annoyed at their attitude, what would you have me say? "yes sir, I will do anything you want just because you said it"

Notice later I said I would apologise if they did, by that they would be admitting they were blunt and I will accept it and aplogise back, think of it like 2 friends having an argument then patting each other on the back after once its out of your system its fine.

What you then don't see is that 99.999% percent of the time I am timid, polite courteous it wouldn't matter if you knew me for hours, days, months, years or decades if the only time you saw me it was when I was having a problem you would judge on that doesn't mean its the right judgement of my personality though.

I am the sort who always hears stuff like "oh you wouln't hurt a fly" and if I wanted to socialise i.e go for a pint people are like "wait, we never thought someone like you would be interested" Its easy to judge when you don't have all the information.

I mean I am annoyed at what you said but know its done so out of not knowing the full picture.

Finally to go back to what I was originally saying I have mental health issues on top, and in a situation like this I would be paranoid that I would screw up something and to the point where I would essentially freeze, it's not that I am lazy or anything but can't handle stress and getting worse every year, part of the paranoia comes from the fact I am going through other peoples stuff (even though in this case they are my parents) I am frightened of doing something wrong that I get the shakes, I used to have a mental health social worker till they cutback on things and helpers come round every day of the week.

Now if they needed help UNpacking thats no issue as long as I was told where something goes just like I wouldn't have much problem if I lived locally as if I got stressed I could go home for a few hours and come back after I have relaxed.



They weren't wanting or expecting a windfall just help packing and a stop to being messed about multiple times over the years nothing else in fact the very reason they are even packing is because they just want it to be over, the only money they would want would be if things were damaged and even then they would rather there be no damage at all.

I dont remember saying they can't pack a box, but I did mention they would struggle to go into a loft and lift heavy furniture, but they have been told conflicting things like they had to move all the furniture themselves and put it outside the house due to insurance reasons, and another time told the furniture will be moved by the removal firm, even at one point told they will get help packing everything its never consistent.

Im not doubting what should happen but since the council is giving conflicting stories about what will happen and due to over 20 years of issues and screw ups me and them know about the council is like.

People are getting the wrong impression and assuming certain things its the risk because no matter if you underdescribe or overdescribe they can only read into whats said and generally I notice when I talk if I write too much people assume something like I am moaning, or justifying something when im just trying to give a somewhat balanced picture.

Why are you telling everyone you have Autism in this post but fail to mention it in any of your other threads/posts.
From your other threads you seem to manage ok, going out with friends, going on holiday, university etc.

As you visit your parents 3 times a year you are familiar with getting there.
Make the effort to help them out. Your happy to pay for a taxi home on a night out so if part of the journey is tough get a taxi for that part.

If things really are as bad as you say how can you justify not putting yourself out.
Treat it as a holiday....

[Deleted User]

My son has aspergers (he's 19) and too can be convinced he's going to fail before he's started. He suffers from anxiety.., so we are both in the process of getting assessed for ASD, Anxiety and ADHD. I have depression too. But it does not stop me doing anything.., it can't because my sons depend on me.

The reason I am posting this is because things got to a point with my son where I felt I had to get him some help with coping skills. There are times when his condition affects the outcome of things. He's currently not in college. I hope that with some coping skills help (and social services are giving him 2x6 hour sessions with a PA to develop his life skills etc) he will gradually learn to overcome challenges.

It might be worth finding out if there is a autism specialist social work team, as there is in my borough. Community Mental Health services here are awful, what social services can do is very limited, but what they can do is a lot more help than he's ever had before. It takes time.., my son is only now, after a year, getting this extra help. It will take maybe six months to get his assessments completed (he was diagnosed with aspergers when 11 but well, it looks like the label list will be a bit longer lol). I do find with him that his attitude affects outcomes, there are times when things that I'd expect him to find stressful don't affect him so much because he really wants to do them.

Problem is with ASD is the one track mind thing. It makes it difficult for you to take on board and consider other people's opinions.

But try and stop putting more blocks in the way than have to be there. Like my son, you seem to be more interested in the negative than the positive (why things go wrong rather than what you can do to make them go right). This is not criticism. I am trying to make you look at the situation afresh. If its important enough you can find a way to travel to your parents and help, even if it takes longer than with a non ASD person. Plan your journey to the nth degree (I do this with my son, he really stresses going to places he doesn't know, even if I am with him but it helps if he knows all the stops, and has a clear list of the journey stops/changes). I actually prefer to do things for myself regardless of why it needs to be done because then I know it will be done right.., because I care how it turns out.

theartfullodger

Re

For the third time:

Have they?? What did Shelter Scotland suggest they did??

you kindly finally replied..

drbluebox wrote: »

I assumed since I didn't mention it you would just take it as a no or don't know, thats my answer by the way. ....

Sounds like you & your relatives can't be bothered to get free advice from the experts in these matters: I fear you may be digging a bigger hole for yourselves when you've not taken a simple, easy, step to get help.

Sigh! Please encourage parents to 'phone Shelter Scotland 0808 800 4444 .

SnooksNJ

drbluebox wrote: »

I assumed since I didn't mention it you would just take it as a no or don't know, thats my answer by the way.



Dad did it a few years ago even though he shouldnt and his health has gotten worse, still doable but risky.

And the loft itself is safe and the ceiling is barely taller than me(im 6 foot) so its not a height thing.

EDIT : Did it again, I was trying to make 1 large post with everyones quotes and responses in but keep pasting over comments by accident sorry, let me try again and edit this post.


They didnt want council office staff to help, they wanted help from the removal firm since their own website claims to as part of the service do all packing for them (as you would expect they are the most expensive removal firm in the area) and so to not do so is contradicting their own claims, then the council itself constantly saying different things like they will get help, they wont. then they will get help with just the furniture but not the boxes then saying no help again..

And my parents don't have a car anymore and not enough money to buy another and nearest costco is at least 60 miles away, and removal company insists on using own boxes (thats a response to people saying my parents want free boxes!)

I see from a previous post you don't like living in an area with immigrants. That said, if it were my parents this immigrant would get on a plane and help them out. I would rent a UHaul, get a bunch of friends together, and have a pizza's and beer party for everyone who helped out.

drbluebox

SnooksNJ wrote: »

I see from a previous post you don't like living in an area with immigrants. That said, if it were my parents this immigrant would get on a plane and help them out. I would rent a UHaul, get a bunch of friends together, and have a pizza's and beer party for everyone who helped out.

I'm fine with foreign neighbours, i'm fine with neighbours born and bred here its the things they do that cause problems, the problems I had with foreign neighbours are very specific such as many of the male ones drinking and playing music (not at current property at least for the music but last 2) the most common one is leaving doors unlocked for their friends meaning bad people come in (who aren't foreign in my experience) and do thinsg like put rubbish through letterboxes because they haven't realised you can't just leave door unlocked the main thing is their idea of community is different, they help each other out which is great but the ones they exclude because they aren't foreign get the fall out such as having a party and inviting everyone they know who is from their home country local in but not native English speakers so you are kept awake, that doesn't mean a lot of foreign people have parties though.

Its similar to what i said before that if 99% of the time you saw me timid and letting everything slide if the 1% of times I did complain that was all you saw you would assume that was my entire attitude.

theartfullodger wrote: »

Reyou kindly finally replied..

Sounds like you & your relatives can't be bothered to get free advice from the experts in these matters: I fear you may be digging a bigger hole for yourselves when you've not taken a simple, easy, step to get help.

Sigh! Please encourage parents to 'phone Shelter Scotland 0808 800 4444 .

You shouldn't sigh when you haven't taken into account I don't know everything they do, they know of Shelter as have phoned for me with previous landlords, and they are bright people who had good knowledge of how housing laws work but don't know everything, back when I was younger I had to wait almost a year for a benefit assessment as council(the same one where they are now hence how I know they are bad) until they wrote a formal letter stating rights and saying they will take it further and I got benefits a day or two later and a letter of apology, this was when dial up internet was around and no broadband so shows how far back it was.

All I know they have done is from what they tell me and the letters I have read or being a witness when council is there.

Shelter isn't perfect though they helped me with my last landlord, one before that they told me to accept a £200 loss from my deposit which the LL made for cleaning despite me having photos of place spotless saying they could counter sue for things, and the property after that I stayed I lost a £400 deposit again as LL claimed cleaning and damages but I had photos of a spotless property and only a little damage to one door which was cosmetic and down to being shoddy made.

That may be a little off topic sorry.

baza52 wrote: »

Why are you telling everyone you have Autism in this post but fail to mention it in any of your other threads/posts.
From your other threads you seem to manage ok, going out with friends, going on holiday, university etc.

As you visit your parents 3 times a year you are familiar with getting there.
Make the effort to help them out. Your happy to pay for a taxi home on a night out so if part of the journey is tough get a taxi for that part.

If things really are as bad as you say how can you justify not putting yourself out.
Treat it as a holiday....

Look at the dates, I left university 6 years ago and I didn't get my autism assessment till after I left because it took 2 years and my mental health has deteriorated since then.

Have you heard the saying "having a good day" it's like other things I have said, if you only se me when I am having a bad day so I was in a foul mood you would assume I was always grumpy, if you only ever saw me hyperactive you may assume i'm a energetic person its why people for example getting assessed for disablity benefits have issues since they can handle something that another time is impossible.

I am also due to autism bad at putting words across, my parents have bad health issues and especially my dad would put his health at risk but that doesnt mean phyiscally he isnt strong but he gets in severe pain far more than regular people when doing something, I have seen him lift a heavy tv before he was given free from car to front door because he was too proud to want me to help but saw the pain in his eyes when doing so and how after he was basically very ill.

In terms of things like blood pressure, clear lungs and diet they are good, neither likes take aways(partly as badly off) though have started getting like a small kebab to share maybe 3 or 4 times a year rest of time its home cooked food like lentil soup, they are healthy enough to take dog for a walk.

But they are both in hospital a few times a year for their specific health issues but due to healthy lifestyle they are very healthy in other things, neither smokes or drinks.

I may be able to visit parents 3 times a year but even then am so drained mentally I can't do anything, a 1 hour journey without changing is bad enough, and each time I have gone out friends have shared taxi so its like £10 each and I only go drinking twice a year or less and even then can barely handle that.

Don't see that as an excuse but stating my limitations, like other things I could do it but the whole time would be so panicky and paranoid I would have the jitters or go the other way and blank out everything which means either way I will make a lot of mistakes.

The way to see it there, is that if somehow the whole house was bare and I had to pack up a room, I could move the items into an empty room to pack that way I don't feel quite so claustrophobic

I suppose I have to say this, I haven't said thanks to anyone so people may assume i'm not being polite, I am just having a discussion and absorbing all the different opinions and saying my views on what I can, please don't take that as not grateful.

drbluebox

deannatrois wrote: »

My son has aspergers (he's 19) and too can be convinced he's going to fail before he's started. He suffers from anxiety.., so we are both in the process of getting assessed for ASD, Anxiety and ADHD. I have depression too. But it does not stop me doing anything.., it can't because my sons depend on me.

The reason I am posting this is because things got to a point with my son where I felt I had to get him some help with coping skills. There are times when his condition affects the outcome of things. He's currently not in college. I hope that with some coping skills help (and social services are giving him 2x6 hour sessions with a PA to develop his life skills etc) he will gradually learn to overcome challenges.

It might be worth finding out if there is a autism specialist social work team, as there is in my borough. Community Mental Health services here are awful, what social services can do is very limited, but what they can do is a lot more help than he's ever had before. It takes time.., my son is only now, after a year, getting this extra help. It will take maybe six months to get his assessments completed (he was diagnosed with aspergers when 11 but well, it looks like the label list will be a bit longer lol). I do find with him that his attitude affects outcomes, there are times when things that I'd expect him to find stressful don't affect him so much because he really wants to do them.

Problem is with ASD is the one track mind thing. It makes it difficult for you to take on board and consider other people's opinions.

But try and stop putting more blocks in the way than have to be there. Like my son, you seem to be more interested in the negative than the positive (why things go wrong rather than what you can do to make them go right). This is not criticism. I am trying to make you look at the situation afresh. If its important enough you can find a way to travel to your parents and help, even if it takes longer than with a non ASD person. Plan your journey to the nth degree (I do this with my son, he really stresses going to places he doesn't know, even if I am with him but it helps if he knows all the stops, and has a clear list of the journey stops/changes). I actually prefer to do things for myself regardless of why it needs to be done because then I know it will be done right.., because I care how it turns out.

I am never sure if autism is making my mental health worse or my autism is stopping my mental health from improving due to the way it affects how I see things.

I left home as a teenager enthusiastic, hard working and lasted 2 years in college though did skive a lecture now and again partly due to the fact my lecture used to have a repuation of being stict and snappy (so much so I asked about going back to the same college last year over 10 years later and 2 of the current lecturers were former students of his who said they hated him due to his nasty atittude) so I learned if I was going to be 5 minutes late i;d just not turn up at all and go to next lecture, that sort of thing stuck with me and at uni I would get there about 10 minutes late, wait until break time that may of been almost 90 minutes later and just walked in with the people coming back after the break I really cant handle certain things but skills are getting worse.

One of the bigger parts of my problem is that I like to both be independant but I can't settle my mind on something to do, and like company but get stressed out if I have a visitor.

Did look into local social work, just got a bog standard social worker which took 5 months to get, vistied me twice and said they can't help due to cutbacks but phone them if something is serious and havent seen them now in over a year.

I do take notice of other peoples opinions but find since people either don't understand how things like autism affects people such as they judge compared to what they find as normal and since I dont seem to fit then I am at fault which gets me qutie aggrivated,

carefullycautious

From reading between the lines it sounds like your parents moved to a rural area many years ago don't have any friends or family and are now isolated in a run down cottage (Is this why you have problems?).


Surely they would be better off living closer to amenities in a more suitable property be that flat/bungalow.


I also don't understand why you think removal men wont lift furniture? When we moved to our present bungalow we had 2 men with a van and they had no problems moving our furniture. We packed our own boxes that we purchased ourselves and found by asking at local shops if we could have any spare boxes they had.


We certainly did not expect our local council to assist with anything.


Are you sure there is no volunteer groups in your parents area who could help?

baza52

have a lot of posts disappeared from this thread?