Closest thing to "civil partnership" for couple who are not same-sex.

HanSpan

onlyroz wrote: »

There is quite a good description of how it works here:
http://perez.cs.vt.edu/twolastnames


From the above, Ms Smith Jones would marry Mr Hughes Willis, and would (optionally) change her name to Mrs Smith Hughes. Their children would have a surname of Hughes Smith.

I have now read it and its fascinating and I never had a clue!

Its particularly interesting the problems people with two surnames experience in relation to computer systems, and confusion from those who don't have the same system. I would have been confused before I read this.
Given how many people there are of Spanish origin, particularly in the US, I am now surprised how many things still ask for one's mother's maiden name for security.

HanSpan

Yet again I wake to a page full of people outraged to varying degrees at my feelings, and telling me yet again that if I don't want to be married don't get married.
Have none of you read what I've said, several times now?

We've read what's been said and looked at the options. We've decided. We're not getting married. So everyone can stop worrying about it.

I am now purely carrying on conversations about different cultural conventions, the amusement of some people's names, the future of CPs in this country and what might happen at the end of this month. All of it absolutely nothing to do with my personal situation or feelings, just chat.

The only people extending the issue about why I don't want to be married is others harping on and on about it. Get over it. You won't change how I feel by telling me over and over again you don't agree. You don't understand how I feel. I don't understand how you feel. Sometimes people just have to agree to disagree. That's life.

Petra_70

HanSpan wrote: »

Yet again I wake to a page full of people outraged to varying degrees at my feelings, and telling me yet again that if I don't want to be married don't get married.
Have none of you read what I've said, several times now?

We've read what's been said and looked at the options. We've decided. We're not getting married. So everyone can stop worrying about it.

I am now purely carrying on conversations about different cultural conventions, the amusement of some people's names, the future of CPs in this country and what might happen at the end of this month. All of it absolutely nothing to do with my personal situation or feelings, just chat.

The only people extending the issue about why I don't want to be married is others harping on and on about it. Get over it. You won't change how I feel by telling me over and over again you don't agree. You don't understand how I feel. I don't understand how you feel. Sometimes people just have to agree to disagree. That's life.

Trust me, no one is 'worrying' about you. And no-one is outraged either; just baffled at the bizarre things you are coming out with, and your attitude towards marriage and the huge amount of incorrect assumptions you have been making about marriage.

No-one is trying to make you get married either. You are just being told that you can NOT have everything marriage brings without getting married, even though you think you SHOULD have it.

LilElvis

Petra_70 wrote: »

I think your husband is having you on.

No, it's genuine. He had a copy of the minutes pinned to his office noticeboard for years.

duchy

HanSpan wrote: »

No you're quite right, sorry onlyroz, I should have read it before asking but I was distracted and internet hadn't actually opened the link by the time I answered so I'd forgotten about it.
Its running like a slug at the moment and I don't have a clue why. It could be the PC as the router says its running at a reasonable (for here) speed.
It does cause me some confusion as I often have too many windows open as I get too impatient to wait for one thing before doing the next, or wander off and come back and have lost track of where I was.

If you are connecting wirelessly try it with an Ethernet cable. If it speeds up with the cable you need to change your wireless channel.

If you want any more help with it drop me a pm ....

HanSpan

duchy wrote: »

If you are connecting wirelessly try it with an Ethernet cable. If it speeds up with the cable you need to change your wireless channel.

If you want any more help with it drop me a pm ....

Thanks. It is plugged in but we are somewhere with well known flakiness problems, and the PC is my SOs old one so rather clogged with crap. One on the long list of jobs is to give it a good clear out and wipe and reload, or maybe just buy a new one for me!

HanSpan

Petra_70 wrote: »

Trust me, no one is 'worrying' about you. And no-one is outraged either; just baffled at the bizarre things you are coming out with, and your attitude towards marriage and the huge amount of incorrect assumptions you have been making about marriage.

No-one is trying to make you get married either. You are just being told that you can NOT have everything marriage brings without getting married, even though you think you SHOULD have it.

I didn't say worrying about ME I said worrying about IT. But if you don't like that word pick your own:

We've decided. We're not getting married. So everyone can stop worrying/bothering/going on/whatever word(s) you like about it.
Equally with the outraged word -some people clearly are but if you prefer baffled is fine, or irritated, or whatever you like.

My point was that those who are complaining the conversation about MY feelings towards marriage is still going on are the ones continuing it, not ME! I've given up even correcting people when they say I feel or mean or assume things I don't.

People can think what they will of me - that is their prerogative - but telling me the same thing over and over and over is just boring, and pointless.

arbroath_lass

Petra_70 wrote: »

No-one is trying to make you get married either. You are just being told that you can NOT have everything marriage brings without getting married, even though you think you SHOULD have it.

Why not? Same sex couples can. Equality should mean the same for everyone, no? There is a large campaign to allow civil partnerships to be open to everyone so the OP is NOT alone in her feelings.


The OPs reasons for not wanting to get married are her own, it's not up to her to make you understand. I'm sure we all baffle people with our opinions and choices sometimes.


She asked a reasonably simple question and has received a barrage of abuse (a phrase used all too often on here but in this case, I think, justified) - even after deciding against marriage.


OP, I hope you find a solution that makes you and your partner happy.

missbiggles1

Petra_70 wrote: »

Yeah I thought that too. All this thread is doing now is repeating itself, and so is everyone on it.

I can't get my head around the reasons for the OP not wanting to get married though. They don't make sense to me at ALL.

I do think it's a cheek to expect to have everything positive that marriage brings without getting married though.

As I said earlier, I agree with the old man I used to know who said 'if you can't be bothered to live within the confines of the law, then don't expect the law to protect you.' Don't want to get married? Then don't expect any of the advantages that go with it!



I think your husband is having you on.

I've been thinking more on the lines of "If it walks like a duck etc...."

Alienna

I only discovered this thread this morning, and (in between work:eek:) have been reading it all day!

It has been an eye opener to say the least... I'm 33 and have been with my SO for 15 years. We're not married - he doesn't want to (long story, but not the same views).

To be married is a society norm, and I'm sure what my parents expect (although I think they're not as hopeful now - that and having grandchildren soon! ) I used to want that, but taking my partner's views into consideration, my own have changed (i.e. I love and care for him too much to let the relationship go - it's not a 'dead end'!) I have thought many times about getting married "well, after the wedding what would happen? We would still come back to the same house, go to the same job and the same routines would carry on"... So, did I really need it? Nope. The same feelings would be there! However, a few years ago, he ended up severely ill in A&E. It scared me when I realised I didn't actually have any rights to be there - his Mum could have said she didn't want me there and that would've been that. Of course nothing like that did happen, but... It changed my mind a little again. It's interesting to read other people's views on the subject! :T

I'd never thought of a wedding today as being patriarchal. Yes, they share the same traditions of the past, but I feel that being 'given away' and wearing white etc is just that - a ceremonial tradition, that can be personalised. In my eyes, the ring symbolises a never ending circle, forever. The being 'given away' is not really being given away, but the union of two families, accepting new people into your life. As for wearing white, it's still tradition - and is probably hypocritical for most in the 21st century , but they do make brides pretty! Husband and Wife are just words - and are quite useful when speaking about you SO - using boyfriend just sounds childish now I'm in my 30s and have been with him for so long...:rotfl:

Thank you - it's been a good learning curve today!