Coping with a narcissistic partner

krlyr

The thread subject should be enough of a clue..why do you want to have to learn to 'cope' with a partner? At 6 months, this should be easiest part in your relationship, with all the fun, newness, butterflies, etc. that come with that stage. If you can't cope now, how will you feel in 5 years' time?

Mojisola

poorlittlefish wrote: »

It's only just recently that I've looked up the definition of a narcissist and found he has some (not all) of the traits.

Have you looked up the definition of a "rescuer" type? If you fit that category then you would be getting something from trying to 'save' your partner from himself but it's not a relationship that ever likely to be happy.

PasturesNew

He's not a partner, he's just a common or garden boyfriend.

You now need to convert your boyfriend into an ex-boyfriend and find one that's actually not a huge 4rse.

emsywoo123

PasturesNew wrote: »

He's not a partner, he's just a common or garden boyfriend.

You now need to convert your boyfriend into an ex-boyfriend and find one that's actually not a huge 4rse.

This. Sort of.

Maybe if you are accepting all of this (which you may protest about, but the fact that you are still together means that you are accepting it!!) perhaps you should spend a little time without a BF?

OP, he sounds EXACTLY like Christian Grey from 50 Shades. Makes me feel a bit uncomfortable just reading it, and I can close the laptop and walk away. You are living it. Where is the joy?!

FBaby

If you are with him, that's because their must be some benefits to the relationship and being with him must bring some positives worth sticking to it.

It's difficult to judge someone when all the negatives are highlighted and none of the positives. In the end, only you can decide if the good balances out the bad, whether you could commit to him if nothing changed and if not, whether you really believed that he will make substantial efforts.

heuchera

poorlittlefish wrote: »

I've been with my partner for six months (we are 41 and 43) and during that time he has...

...bragged repeatedly about how good he is at his job, how colleagues think he's amazing, he'll step on anyone to get business
...just told me what we're doing and when, without asking me whether I want to (although to be honest he's got better since I said I'd like to be consulted)
...refused to ever admit he's wrong or is in any way responsible for upsetting me
...refused to accept any criticism, no matter how it's delivered and is incredibly defensive, turning whatever I'm upset about back onto me
...shown lots of good emotion towards me (very affectionate and playful) but been cold and emotionless, even if he's made me cry
...called and texted me often when he's at work or by himself, but sometimes, on the weekends he has his children, I hear nothing from him for hours on end (it's not just being with the kids per se because he normally still contacts me but every few weeks he'll "not give me a second thought" - and he "gets rid of the kids" when they start getting on his nerves)
...made plans for us to spend New Year's Eve together, then decided to be with family, knowing I'd be spending it alone when I'd given up my family to spend Christmas Day with him

I feel like some kind of toy that's picked up and played with, then shoved in a box when he's had enough. It's only just recently that I've looked up the definition of a narcissist and found he has some (not all) of the traits. When I confronted him he spoke to his mother and best friend and was shocked to discover they think much the same as me.

We had a really good talk about things, in which he apologised a lot and admitted he's treated me badly, but he's already let me down by saying he'll text/call then not done so.

When we get on well we get on very well and for most of the time we're happy, but I'm finding it hard to cope with the Jekyll and Hyde stuff. When he's in the right mood I can talk to him about anything good or bad and he is understanding and caring, but how can we "fight nicely" so I'm not left feeling destroyed? He says he wants to learn to be "less of a selfish pr*ck" and I'd like us to help each other, but how?

Not sure why you are still with this man to be honest..

Keep him as a f--- buddy, if that's what's stopping you from leaving him, but he's certainly not husband material, nor even boyfriend material, in my opinion.

Lily-Rose_3

Holy fluff OP. I can't see one single reason why you are with this man.

The 17 year old me would have tolerated this carp, because I would have been grateful I had a boyfriend, (as everyone else had one, and I wanted to fit in!) and I didn't know any better. But at 41, no WAY would I tolerate a man like this. I would take being single ANY day over what you are putting up with.

No offence, but are you that desperate to be in a relationship?

I would normally say 'give and take,' 'swings and roundabouts,' and 'you must take the rough with the smooth' etc etc, but this is not a relationship that you have; it's a farce.

Do the right thing. Bin him. And do it now. Not tomorrow. NOW.

NOW!!!

Mrs_pbradley936

You teach people how to treat you from the very beginning. You sound as if you do not have enough self esteem and excuse poor behaviour too readily.

justme111

You must have meant "how to change so that I do not call "partners" my boyfriends , do not chose unsuitable ones , do not try to cope with them if they turned to be unsuitable and do not try to diagnose them "

meritaten

I have four words for you - Run for the Hills!
honestly - anyone who chooses to live with someone knowing they are a narcissistic personality wants their head examined!
You wont change them - even if they publicly say they want to change - real narcissists are just not capable of it. and they will blatantly lie and appear contrite to 'get what they want' as most of them are 'master manipulators' too.
you have already experienced enough 'Warning Signs'. imagine yourself now twenty years down the line..................you have had a lifetime of 'walking on eggshells' so as not to upset his highness. your kids despise you as you are his doormat -and thiers, because they will be brought up in his image. Think it wont happen? well yes it can - seen it for myself. There are plenty of men out there who are not narcissists. you are young - why tie yourself to one because 'sometimes' its good? why not find someone where its 'always' good?