KonMari 2016 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Igamogam

Great post kboss2010:)

kboss2010 wrote: »

I have an irrational fear of being without and not being able to afford the things I might need so I stockpile and hoard and I've decided it needs to stop.

And I particularly relate to this. I now know where the fear came from and how it took on a life of its own when other stuff tumbled in uninvited and compounded the situation. At the time I thought I was really in control of it all: juggling a stressful FT job ,FT mother to 2 children, FT wife , a busy social life, a conscience,personal grief,lack of fulfillment,debt and a house that was a money pit. Looking back now I was not in control of the 'stuff' and the desire to keep it, for whatever reason..........but now I am:D

GreyQueen

Some profound thoughts going on in people's heads lately. It's interesting how deeply emotions and Stuff are tied together.

I have donated a large bag for life type carrier full of completely random Stuff to the chazzer this afternoon and they were happy and I was happy. Bought nothing at all today.

Heck, have bought very little this month, other than paying bills and buying some food, I think I've spent 99p on Pyrex dish and a tenner on an archery lesson and that's it.

And you know what? I can't even think of anything I wanted to buy, either.:rotfl:

PollyWollyDoodle

Kboss2010, you're spot on with that post. I grew up in circumstances where although we weren't on the breadline money was always tight, new clothes were a rarity and I didn't have what some of my friends had.

Now at the other end of my life, well not that near I hope but well into middle age, I can recognise the fear that has been underlying many years of buying, collecting and acquiring stuff. I just feel free - there isn't much I want or need. I'm going to have to replace some kitchen white goods soon, but that's all. I'm relishing the space in my rooms and in my head. However there's more to do ...

GreyQueen

PWD, my childhood sounds similar. We're a working-class family, labourers and factory hands and there wasn't hunger but everythng was tight, and we children couldn't be deceived into thinking it was otherwise.

Then, out on my own as a student, I had years of sketchy living in bedsitland and have a mentality that there isn't enough and hunger and hardship is an ever-present risk. I'm still in the lowest 10% of the population by income, although I have a small comfortable flat and a job which pays my bills.

I have to tell myself that I have enough, and that more than enough doesn't make for more security, in fact, it makes for vulnerability and complexity.

VJsmum

Yep, identify with all of this. We are (currently) not hard up, but I remember well growing up and seeing mum try to make ends meet and then as a student and newly into work wondering how I was going to feed myself. One time it was because I picked up some decent tips in my bar job - secondary to my professional job- that I didn't go without for a time. That few quid made all the difference between eating and not. And it never leaves you, never. That new thread on here about what OS things do you still do even if you're not hard up, I mostly still do all of it for fear of going back to those times.

Don't get me wrong, we love our holidays and meals out and the kids probably have more than they should, but in terms of buying stuff and wasting stuff, I just can't....

kboss2010

GreyQueen wrote: »

Interestingly, if you knew me IRL, you would probably concur with an old friend who describes me as the most laid-back person she's ever met. I'm not unspecifically anxious about most things.

I have some specific concerns, at the moment I am concerned about the homeless man living in a car about 10 feet away from my groundfloor flat. I'm concerned about his health and wellbeing in this cold weather (have involved both council and police in trying to get him into some better place btw) and am selfishly-concerned about the health implications of the rest of us about where he's going to the lavatory - he has been here 7 days already.

But I digress. My anxieties about Stuff are about fears of want and need, of insufficiency, of hunger, of cold and discomfort. Things which impact (or could, by some great stretch of the imagination, impact) on those areas are the ones which cause me anxiety.

I'm working on it, and it's getting better.

It's funny isn't it how things often look from the outside?

My OH thinks I'm one of the most laid-back, calming people he's ever met and that helps him with his own stressing. And I hear that a lot from people I know completely randomly. Yet I feel like one of the most anxious people on the planet most of the time. I get "the fear" when I bump into someone I known unexpectedly in the street and probably seem really rude because my first instinct is flight. I hate answering the phone when someone I wasn't expecting to hear from calls.

My people skills are rubbish when it comes to conversation yet I once had a manager hire me in a public-facing role *because* they thought I was good with people. And last year I had a stranger at a party come up to me to tell me that she'd seen me at work a few years earlier and she'd asked her manager to poach me because I was so nice and helpful to her every time she came in to buy lunch :rotfl: It was one of the best compliments I've ever had but I don't know what this girl saw in me because in my head dealing with the people makes me feel like :eek:

In short, I have issues. And I'm trying to fix it, I'm at the initial stage of figuring out my weird idiosyncrasies so I can spot them as they crop up and try to change my reactions to situations.

I think I appear calm in certain situations to people because I've just genuinely run out of adrenaline and *ahem* monkeys to give that the only reaction I have left is "so what? Stop worrying and let's just get this thing fixed so I can go home and sleep because I'm on autopilot right now"

kboss2010

VJsmum wrote: »

Yep, identify with all of this. We are (currently) not hard up, but I remember well growing up and seeing mum try to make ends meet and then as a student and newly into work wondering how I was going to feed myself. One time it was because I picked up some decent tips in my bar job - secondary to my professional job- that I didn't go without for a time. That few quid made all the difference between eating and not. And it never leaves you, never. That new thread on here about what OS things do you still do even if you're not hard up, I mostly still do all of it for fear of going back to those times.

Don't get me wrong, we love our holidays and meals out and the kids probably have more than they should, but in terms of buying stuff and wasting stuff, I just can't....

You're so right, it never leaves you.

I often wonder what my life would have been like in my best friend's position - one home from birth to 18, parents in very well-paid jobs and a happy marriage (they're "disgustingly" cute even after 30+ years , I went on holiday with them once and they're actually adorable!), knowing that you'll never want for anything.

The crazy thing now is that she's a struggling artist and her parents bought her a house but I think it's the first time she's ever realised that, actually, her parents won't be there forever and this lifestyle she's taken for granted her whole life is actually very privileged (doesn't help that her little sister has just married a guy who is basically Benedict Cumberbatch 2.0!). And I think she's in a bit of denial.

So I wonder, which would I have preferred - blissful ignorance then being dropped into freezing water at the deep end or this constant fear of going back to the life I had before but with the life experience of how to cope and manage with very little? I honestly don't know.

tibawo

I have been following the current topic on lifestyles and find it very interesting. I am watching DD move between being aware of not spending beyond your means but also having enough not to be looked down upon by her peers. I keep telling her that her true friends are ones that are there for the long haul.


It does gob smack me what some of them get from their parents for nothing. I actually questioned whether it was just me being mean! As i have involved them in KD I think she is starting to realise that if she saves some of money she gets from bits and pieces instead of buying carp her outlook on life will be different.

silvasava

Very thought provoking and insightful posts going on. I do think if you've had to deal with want and hardship you never forget. Like many others there wern't any luxuries growing up but I was well fed, warm and loved & for many that alone would have been luxury. We've had tough times during the years but are now retired in a degree of comfort for which I'm very grateful. Like many of you I'm seeing how my past experiences have shaped my attitudes ( do only two of us need three freezers!!!!)
Thank you for helping me to think about the why & shed all the outward encumbrances that reflect the inner ones.

PollyWollyDoodle

silvasava wrote: »

Like many others there wern't any luxuries growing up but I was well fed, warm and loved & for many that alone would have been luxury.

So true.

I am glad to have had the tough times earlier in life - it has made me appreciate what I have, and the skills learned from my mum are enabling me to live frugally now, friends can't believe I really manage on such a small budget. (I should add that this is a lifestyle choice for me, I'm very aware that it's not a choice for some people.)