Seperating - Is This A Reasonable Proposal?

19lottie82

Your wife can't afford the house.
She may well "want to stay" there, but unfortunately when a couple splits, there is still the same amount of income, but two household must be maintained, not just one, so both parties will have to cut their cloth accordingly!

I can't see your proposal working in the long run. It has more than the potential to get very messy indeed.

A clean break for both parties is definitely the most sensible option here.

clearingout

you mention pensions - you won't get to just say 'we both keep our own' in the scenario you describe, particularly if one is considerably larger than the other. Pensions are part of the overall pot - if you want yours in one piece, you may need to 'give' in other areas.

Have a look at wikivorce.com for some pointers.

Is your wife's job one where going full-time again is a possibility? In going full-time, who much nearer would that bring your salaries in sync? It would be worth looking at how much better off she might be if she were to do this - run the details through the benefit calculators. You may fair better, for example, in agreeing to pick up childcare costs after tax credits pay their share than paying the mortgage (long term).

You are right to take care regarding the possibility of the house being repossessed as it will ruin your credit rating and have a serious impact on your ability to 'move on' financially.

paddy's_mum

Children yo-yo-ing between parents/houses often does not work in the long term, especially when they get old enough to want to have friends over for tea or a sleepover, as well as when things like after-school gym club, Brownies etc come into the picture.

justme111

Btw if you sell the house she will likely to get most of the equity

clint_S

Here is a good thread about someone in your situation https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4556575


You haven't included the pensions in your calculations, everything needs to be added, savings, pensions, investments, house, debts, etc. then you negotiate from a 50/50 starting point.


the house will have to be sold, or purchased by one party.

Mojisola

jon_E_begood wrote: »

with 2 kids under the age of 8

I earn £50k, she earns £18k (p/t)

clint_S wrote: »

everything needs to be added, savings, pensions, investments, house, debts, etc. then you negotiate from a 50/50 starting point.

With many years ahead for her having the responsibility of being the resident parent and the difference in your incomes, expect the negotiations to move a long way from 50/50.

enthusiasticsaver

As your children are young and your wife only works part time and presumably has a much lower pension than you the likelihood is that your starting point will need to move from your original stance no matter how reasonable it seems. If you pay half of the mortgage then your wife is responsible for the other £125000 which seems steep for a salary of £18k. If she was applying for a £125k mortgage in her own right on those figures she would fail on affordability. Also even if you come to an agreement on you each paying half the building society or bank would probably refuse you removing your name and you would both remain jointly liable so if she misses her payment you are responsible for it as well as your own. This means the chances of you getting another mortgage while still on this one are impossible unless you have a vast increase in salary. Do you really want to put your life on hold for the next 10 years until your youngest turns 18?


This suggests a clean break would be better with a larger percentage of the equity going to her as presumably the main caregiver and in exchange for some of the savings and her share of your pension. This might enable her to buy a smaller property depending on whereabouts you live and you to have a deposit on a new place just for you including a room(s) for your children to stay overnight. Make no mistake though divorce is expensive and setting up and maintaining two households even more so are you sure there is no way back for the marriage with the help of counselling etc?


I am not sure when the final calculations are done whether the whole 15 years you have been together is considered or just the 6 years of your marriage. As you have young children I would imagine it would be the full 15 years but a lawyer would advise on that.


As someone else advised reading JackRS thread would be helpful both in terms of how much it cost him in lawyer fees and his ex wife (maybe similar to yours?) had unrealistic expectations with regards to spousal maintenance. His relationship with his children also was problematic although they were older than yours and although he managed a clean break in the end it seemed to cost him dearly both in terms of stress and expense and took a long time.

Beckyy

If you were to sell the house is there anything your wife could afford based on her £40K equity and wage in your area to buy (or rent) herself?

Your mortgage is pretty sizable and it doesn't sound realistic that you would be able to pay 50/50, or that your wife would be able to buy you out. It sounds like selling up would be the most sensible option, even if if neither of you would particularly want to.

Is it big enough that you could continue to live there for a while if not too awkward?