Seperating - Is This A Reasonable Proposal?

jon_E_begood

Hi,


After 6 years marriage and 15 years together and with 2 kids under the age of 8 I think my wife and I both know inside that our marriage is simply not working. We've nearly split up numerous time in the past but instead have carried on with the relationship gradually getting more and more fractious and volatile (arguments only) over the years. It's such hard work and I'm tired of the constant conflict. I am seriously thinking of suggesting we split in the new year for everyone's sake but especially the kids as I don't like them seeing us argue all the time. I know given our financial situation this wont be simple and my wife will have some high expectations and can be very difficult so I'm looking for advice on what would be reasonable.


Below is a summary of the financial position:


£250k joint mortgage (£80k equity)
I earn £50k, she earns £18k (p/t)
I pay child care vouchers and cover childcare costs (£150/mth)
Wife pays one bill and covers food shopping (£500/month)
I pay mortgage and other bills (£1800/month)
I have £2000 loan taken out for house refurb works
She has credit card for own spending (don't know how much on it)
I have £15k saved from a redundancy years ago
We both have work pensions


I know she'll want to stay in the house and I want the least disruption for our children as possible so would like to try and accommodate this. I also know from historic "discussions" she "expects" I will contribute more than the minimum the CSA Calculator suggests for child maintenance. I want to have the kids overnight twice a week/ days.


I've estimate I'll need £6-8K to sort a new place and buy furnishings (I'm assuming I'll take very little from the family home).


So here's a proposal I've been thinking of putting forward as a starting point.


I have the kids over at my new house one night a week (take to school/collect from school/stay over/drop at school next morning) and every other weekend


I pay the minimum childcare required based on the calculator (£500/mth)


I continue to pay half of the mortgage until either:


1. She can buy me out (can't see that happening soon)
2. A new partner moves in
3. The youngest child reaches 18 years of ago


Equity in house is split 50/50 when eventually sold


I continue to pay for childcare


I keep my redundancy savings (and "after legal fee's" use what's left to start again)


We keep our respective pensions.


So is that a reasonable proposal or am I being either tight and unrealistic or overly generous - I really don't know what reasonable looks like with these things?


I'd like to do this via mediation rather than all through solicitors to keep the costs down for us both but this means us being able to reach agreement and my wife is notoriously not into compromising on what she wants.


Any advice much appreciated....

harrys_nan

http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/

I can't answer your questions but have a look on this link. Iknow it's divorce but I'm sure you will find some answers.

silvercar

Unless your wife can afford to pay the other half of the mortgage, utility bills and any other bills you currently pay, then it is not going to work.

The only reduction in outgoings will be the food you eat and possibly a small amount of electric. Out of the £1800 you currently pay, how much will fall to her? Is this affordable?

Gavin83

jon_E_begood wrote: »

I keep my redundancy savings (and "after legal fee's" use what's left to start again)


We keep our respective pensions.

I suspect, legally speaking this'll be the problem bit. You are effectively getting more than half of the assets here as your keeping the savings and 50% of the house. If you want to keep the savings you'll need to offer her a higher percentage of the house.

I'm sure your argument will be that you'll be paying more than you need to on an ongoing basis but situations change and this might not be forever.

I'd suggest offering a higher percentage of the house, some of the savings (but less than half) and consider the pensions as I'm assuming yours is higher. In return pay less of the ongoing costs.

I suspect she'll need to get herself a full time job anyway and her staying in the house might not be possible anyway, she's unlikely to afford the mortgage on her own. It's ok for you to say you'll pay it but I really don't think this will be reasonable long term when you realise what little disposable income you have left and once you meet someone new it's likely to force this situation even more.

If it went to court they'd expect her to pay the mortgage by herself.

pelirocco

marriage guidance / relate

FBaby

I continue to pay half of the mortgage until either:


1. She can buy me out (can't see that happening soon)
2. A new partner moves in
3. The youngest child reaches 18 years of ago


Equity in house is split 50/50 when eventually sold

This doesn't work. You can't expect to stop paying your 50% if a new boyfriend moves in, but then expect 50% of the full equity when your youngest turns 18. You'll need to review this, ie. you stop paying if new boyfriend moves in, but you are only entitled upon sale to the equity accumulated up to the point you stopped paying your half (in which case, house would need to be valued at this point).

Otherwise, it is all reasonable, with savings kept on the basis that she keeps all the furniture etc... but be prepared for her not to agree to it.

JReacher1

Sell the house. You want a clean financial break otherwise it will get messy

quidsy

I have the kids over at my new house one night a week (take to school/collect from school/stay over/drop at school next morning) and every other weekend


Does she work p/t then?

Pricivius

I'm with JReacher1 on the property clean break. There are so many issues to consider if you continue paying 50%, for example:

- what happens if your ex wants a new kitchen/basement conversion/extension over the garage? Who pays? Do you get the benefit of the increase in value when you sell?

- what happens with maintenance of the property? It needs a new roof, new windows, new boiler - do you pay? Do you get the benefit of the increase in value?

- what happens if your ex doesn't pay her 50% of the mortgage? You are jointly and severally liable so the default will impact on you and the property could be repossessed if you don't/can't sort it out.

- what if your ex meets a new boyfriend and she moves in with him?

- what happens if your ex's new boyfriend only moves in to your home 5 nights a week? Does that count as him moving in if he lives elsewhere 1 or 2 nights a week? (my step-dad had this issue and had to continue paying maintenance to his ex because her new boyfriend only slept there 5 nights a week so had not technically moved in). What if she denies he has moved in at all?

- what happens if your ex gets pregnant and has another child? You're now paying to house her new kid/s as well as yours - is that okay? Or if she gets a lodger, or her sister moves in?

- what happens if you find a new partner and you want to buy a home? Your liability for this house will limit your options with your new family, which could include more children.

I suggest you both need to cut your cloth and live in homes you can each afford. If she cannot take on the mortgage, then she needs to move to somewhere more realistic. If you can take on the mortgage, then there's always the option for you to stay in the family home to give your kids continuity.

jon_E_begood

Hi,


Thanks for the replies, as I suspected this is not going to be easy then. To answer some questions and clarify some points quickly see below:


1. My wife cannot afford the full mortgage on her own. If I pay half and the child maintenance with the child tax credits and other benefits she'll receive i've worked out she just about be able to afford to stay in the house.


2. I could probably afford to stay in the house with the kids but she would never consider this. She likes the house and doesn't want to downgrade. So if I move out and stop paying the house gets repossessed and we all lose out.


3. I wasn't suggesting I'd get half of the house I a new partner started paying. At that point I'd hope to be bought out on a 50/50 basis.


4. I would be willing to go 60/40 on the house equity if it meant keeping the savings to use to start again and pensions separate.


This could very easily become an absolute nightmare and cost a fortune with lawyers as my wife like everything her own way and has a short fuse. I agree we need guidance but was hoping for mediation rather than straight to lawyers as I'd desperately like to reach an amicable agreement we can both live with and doesn't end up with us giving a large chunk of everything we've built up to a third party....


Hope this adds more context...

jon_E_begood

quidsy wrote: »

I have the kids over at my new house one night a week (take to school/collect from school/stay over/drop at school next morning) and every other weekend


Does she work p/t then?

Yes she works 3 days a week.