Money saving and getting husband on board!

Anomaly100

I've been trying very hard to sort out our finances. My husband takes a limited interest and I really want him to be more involved. Any ideas?

As it stands I've gone through all bills so changed suppliers so we're on the cheapest tariffs. I've started overpaying the mortgage. I've been sorting out his pension so he's increased his contributions.

We still to me at least seem to spend huge amounts each month on food, petrol and 'stuff'. I would like to cut it back or at least spend it more wisely. But this is where we argue. What is a reasonable amount for day to day spending?

I sometimes try and cut back but if he isn't then all that happens is that I end up annoyed because I'm the only one doing it. He feels aggrieved that considering he earns a lot that he should be able to buy loads of stuff. Not helped because friends of his who earn much less seem to him to have more disposable income.

How do you discuss money without arguing? How do I get him more interested?

FreddieFrugal

Hope you get some helpful responses, I'm interested to see what others think.

My first thought is that it's very difficult to alter your own spending habits let alone someone else's.

I think if he is of a mindset that he needs to spend to buy 'stuff' because 'stuff' makes him happy and all his friends have lots of 'stuff' then that's obviously difficult to fight against.

You're right that it's best to avoid confrontation as that could easily lead him becoming further entrenched.

how about:

1. You try to show him the benefits of being more moneysaving, set the long term goals but you need to have this discussion WITH him so that he understands why it's worth doing. What is the reason for cutting back, is it for long term security, is it to have the money for holidays or to retire early?

2. Incentivise budgeting by allowing a certain amount for treats and 'stuff' purchasing. Maybe try to focus him on a few really good 'stuff' purchases a year rather than a constant stream of smaller 'stuff' that probably costs a lot more when totalled up.


To get him on board you need to have a proper discussion with him about what you're going to do (money saving wise), why you're doing it, what's in it for him, basically. But make sure it is a discussion, it's better to compromise and reduce his spending by a small amount than not at all.

pollypenny

I found that we had to do all budgeting and financial planning together, otherwise I felt like I was telling a little boy what to do with his pocket money.

duchy

Give him an incentive

"If we can pare #XXX a month off the budget we can afford XXX (something you both really want)

Food is usually a big budget item and there's loads of tips to help budget your food bill on here with menu planning

Petrol is not usually that easy to cut down as most people don't drive long distances for no good reason -and fuel costs are falling anyway (although steering spending to garages that offer benefits like loyalty points which can then be used to offset other spending later on can be done)

Stuff is another matter - and a stuff budget might help. If you say "Don't buy any "stuff" then he'll resent it and want it even more -If you say "You can buy stuff up to x amount without having to account for it and that means we can still overpay the mortgage by X per month which will shorten the mortgage by X years in a year" My partner saw no benefit in overpaying the mortgage until he saw a calculator showing how much sooner he'd be mortgage free with an overpay each month. Not spending for the apparent sake of not spending can seem irrelevent - and not spending to reach a specific goal tends to be an easier concept to focus on.
So having a carrot helps.

HappyMJ

Anomaly100 wrote: »

I've been trying very hard to sort out our finances. My husband takes a limited interest and I really want him to be more involved. Any ideas?

As it stands I've gone through all bills so changed suppliers so we're on the cheapest tariffs. I've started overpaying the mortgage. I've been sorting out his pension so he's increased his contributions.

We still to me at least seem to spend huge amounts each month on food, petrol and 'stuff'. I would like to cut it back or at least spend it more wisely. But this is where we argue. What is a reasonable amount for day to day spending?

I sometimes try and cut back but if he isn't then all that happens is that I end up annoyed because I'm the only one doing it. He feels aggrieved that considering he earns a lot that he should be able to buy loads of stuff. Not helped because friends of his who earn much less seem to him to have more disposable income.

How do you discuss money without arguing? How do I get him more interested?

What do you think is a fair figure?

Food costs what food costs. As long as it's all eaten and very little is thrown out then to reduce spending on food requires shopping at discount supermarkets, visiting the market, by buying own brands and by cooking from scratch all of which take time and compromises.

Petrol also costs what it does. To cut that down would involve going out less which if you are trying to save on the food bill probably isn't going to happen as the discount supermarket may be further than your local supermarket and as the discount supermarket doesn't stock everything you still need to visit your normal supermarket. Going out at the weekend is an essential part of living. There's little point working then spending all weekend at home watching TV.

It's the "stuff" budget that can be reduced. What do you think is a fair amount? What does he think is a fair figure? You've got to negotiate around those numbers presenting reasons why it shouldn't be do high and he'll present his reasons why he feels it shouldn't be so low. We spend £60 a week each on our own personal spends such as clothes, going out, presents and "stuff" etc. That's from net income of £360 per week and having to pay out £475 a month in rent.

I can see where he's coming from you've plenty of money you're overpaying the mortgage and your increasing pension contributions yet you are trying to say you have no money to enjoy life now. That doesn't make sense. Why overpay the mortgage? As long as he is willing to continue working to pay the mortgage then why does it have to be repaid any quicker? Why increase pension contributions? The state pension will pay a reasonable figure and you'll own your own home by then. He might enjoy his work and continue working part time to supplement the pension. He is the one earning the money so he should have a reasonable say on what it's spent on. You can take control of some of the money but you can't take all of it and leave him with what he sees as virtually nothing.

If you create a SOA then it might go some way to prove your lower figure is the better figure but it also might prove you have spare money to spend more on "stuff".

Pollycat

Anomaly100 wrote: »

I've been trying very hard to sort out our finances. My husband takes a limited interest and I really want him to be more involved. Any ideas?

As it stands I've gone through all bills so changed suppliers so we're on the cheapest tariffs. I've started overpaying the mortgage. I've been sorting out his pension so he's increased his contributions.

We still to me at least seem to spend huge amounts each month on food, petrol and 'stuff'. I would like to cut it back or at least spend it more wisely. But this is where we argue. What is a reasonable amount for day to day spending?

I sometimes try and cut back but if he isn't then all that happens is that I end up annoyed because I'm the only one doing it. He feels aggrieved that considering he earns a lot that he should be able to buy loads of stuff. Not helped because friends of his who earn much less seem to him to have more disposable income.

How do you discuss money without arguing? How do I get him more interested?

This really is a 'how long is a piece of string?' question.

I think your big problem is likely to be this attitude:

Anomaly100 wrote: »

He feels aggrieved that considering he earns a lot that he should be able to buy loads of stuff. Not helped because friends of his who earn much less seem to him to have more disposable income.

What 'stuff' does he buy? Gadgets? Hobby stuff?

I think the idea of working towards saving for a common goal - be it a dream holiday, paying the mortgage off, new car, early retirement - might be an incentive.

Re petrol - do you jump in the car to go 400 yards up the road?

Re food - do you buy expensive brands, do you have a lot of food waste?

Do you do packed lunches or do you buy lunches out, buy fancy coffees etc?

I suggest you take a look at the Debt Free Wannabe board - you don't have to be in debt to post on there and there's some very good people to advise you on cutting down on spend.

Also try the Old-Style board for ideas on meal planning, cooking in bulk.

gettingtheresometime

What worked for me (I am/was your oh) was going away one weekend and asking my oh how we could afford it.

Turns out he took out a set amount each week and what wasn't spent was squirrelled away and it was the squirrellings that paid for the trip ....certainly changed my mind.


Has your oh ever thought that people on a lesser salary can afford more because they're careful how they spend their money ie no buying lunches or expensive takeout coffees?

Anomaly100

I agree petrol costs what it does although we do drive everywhere! I'm as guilty as he is in this regard. We could easily walk the kids to school. Would be good for everyone!

Food wise we do shop at places like Lidl and I've been in the habit of meal planning but I could do more to cut back. We still spend lots and unfortunately waste a lot. I'm going to make it my new year's resolution to try and reduce the waste. I'll look at the money saving old style board.

The stuff is everything from clothes, going out, things for the house, activities for the kids etc. Its hard because I'm sure to some we spend a fortune and to others its buttons. I suppose working out what's right for us is the tricky bit.

enthusiasticsaver

I found this with my husband as he takes very little interest in finance and leaves me to manage bills and savings etc. As I work part time and have worked in banking his thinking was I am better at that but then I pointed out every time I manage to save £50 or £60 on insurance or utilitities he would think nothing of spending that on a hobby or new tool etc which made me resentful. I found it helped to give him an idea why we were saving - reduce mortgage, buy something for the house or a holiday and now early retirement. He was quite on board with overpaying his pension as he could see the eventual aim. In the end i had to do an annual budget and go through it and we agreed a monthly amount for personal spends for each of us which went into separate current accounts and the rest stayed in the joint account for bills, emergency funds and savings were transferred out into separate pots for holidays, Christmas, car and long term savings. This works for us

HappyMJ

Anomaly100 wrote: »

I agree petrol costs what it does although we do drive everywhere! I'm as guilty as he is in this regard. We could easily walk the kids to school. Would be good for everyone!

Food wise we do shop at places like Lidl and I've been in the habit of meal planning but I could do more to cut back. We still spend lots and unfortunately waste a lot. I'm going to make it my new year's resolution to try and reduce the waste. I'll look at the money saving old style board.

The stuff is everything from clothes, going out, things for the house, activities for the kids etc. Its hard because I'm sure to some we spend a fortune and to others its buttons. I suppose working out what's right for us is the tricky bit.

Why are you wasting food? Freeze everything and I mean everything. Almost everything can be frozen. If it can't be frozen such as soft fruit/some vegetables eat it first or don't buy it ever again. You might need to par-boil some vegetables to freeze them. If you cook too much then put the left overs in the freezer...never the bin. If people have leftovers on their plate regularly then plate up less food and explain there's more there if you want it but make sure as soon as you've all finished dinner the remainder is frozen don't sit around allowing it to grow legs. Food is never scraped off plates and into the bin in this house. The rubbish bin never smells, we put the bin bag out once per week which just contains dry packaging rubbish. Sorry food waste is a pet hate of mine there's no need for it. It either gets eaten or immediately frozen for another day.

Pollycat

I think the OP sounds like a good candidate for the next Greg Wallace 'Eat well for less' programme (with respect) .

OP - have you ever seen these programmes?

Like HappyMJ , we rarely waste food. I mashed up some leftover cauliflower from cauliflower cheese & froze it to add to mashed potatoes as a topping for shepherd's pie.

I have some leftover veg from Christmas Day & yesterday (only left over because I wasn't feeling too great - I generally calculate exactly how much we'll eat).
It's got some gravy mixed in so not suitable for frying up so my plan is to put it all in a pan with some stock and cook it up some more & hope to blitz it to make soup.

You already know that you use the car too much. No point in complaining about fuel costs if you don't bother to walk when you can.

Nobody can wave a magic wand & reduce your outgoings, you need to understand where you're over-spending then take positive action.