Bringing another child into this- 37 and desperate

Trek_girl

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Hi there OP

You sound in an awful lot of pain hun. I in no way judge you, but will offer my thoughts in a 'if it was me' kind of way.

Two failed relationships? A lot of us have. Even if you had two thousand failed relationships - it is not really a benchmark to someones personality in any way other than to be narrow minded - Honestly I do not think most people think like that hun . I have never picked a friend based on how many partners they have or haven't had - have you? no course you haven't - so don't be so hard on yourself

You say your OH has had a dysfunctional upbringing - so you see how this effects him today? This could well be your child/ren in 20 years having someone say this about them. Staying in this relationship is dysfunctional, and most certainly bringing in another baby into this already dysfunctional family unit does not seem right to be. Kids so easily end up with a warped idea of what love is, and what a family unit should be - and as young adults, we only have our parents relationshop as a benchmark of normality. Your child may 'love him like a father' but if you two stay together, the kid is going to have a warped definition of normal

If you stay with him, you are putting money above happiness and selling you all short. Single parents get help with benefits and you could always pick up extra shifts, work from home, etc - single parents do get by. Not easy, but compare it to a soul destroying loveless marriage and single parenthood is a walk in the park

He has basically made you fall in love with a man that does not exist, he is NOT the man you married - he is a fraudster who cheats and lies.

You go on to mention that you don't get opportunity to meet or fall in love with anyone else - woahhh, you have bigger problems than where your next man is coming from (sorry to sound blunt there) but you need to gather yourself, and move on before bringing another bloke into it, or even thinking about one - as you have a lot of healing to do and that can only happen as a single, to avoid dragging one lot of relationship baggage into a new relationship

I appreciate what you are saying but I cant stand the thought of being alone forever or never having a much longed for second child.

tomtontom

Trek_girl wrote: »

I appreciate what you are saying but I cant stand the thought of being alone forever or never having a much longed for second child.

But with you being naturally slim and so very young looking you'll have no trouble meeting another man ... at least until you open your mouth and start contradicting yourself!

Trek_girl

Peter333 wrote: »

Yep agree. And I would still like to know if she is 33 or 37.

So Trek Girl, how old are you? And why have you given 2 different ages?

There are certain details people change to avoid being identified on a public forum. I am 37 and I give that information because my biological clock is ticking.

ttoli

Trek_girl wrote: »

I appreciate what you are saying but I cant stand the thought of being alone forever or never having a much longed for second child.

I think you are mixing up the words Alone and lonely . I'm 50 and newly single , have a few good friends, live on my own and am perfectly content, find happiness and contentment within and the rest will fall into place.

Good luck

pickledonionspaceraider

Trek_girl wrote: »

There are certain details people change to avoid being identified on a public forum. I am 37 and I give that information because my biological clock is ticking.

I getcha, I do similar at times myself

74jax

Trek_girl wrote: »

There are certain details people change to avoid being identified on a public forum. I am 37 and I give that information because my biological clock is ticking.

I appreciate that but the point of your other thread was you being 33, that was the whole point of the thread.

Peter333

tomtontom wrote: »

But with you being naturally slim and so very young looking you'll have no trouble meeting another man ... at least until you open your mouth and start contradicting yourself!

:rotfl::rotfl:

pickledonionspaceraider

Trek_girl wrote: »

I appreciate what you are saying but I cant stand the thought of being alone forever or never having a much longed for second child.

You won't be alone forever - but you need to be, at least for a while - if you decide to separate and whilst you recover from your current relationship. It is a move you would need to be strong enough to make independently

It is unhealthy to jump from one relationship to the next in quick succession, unhealthy for the mind, I mean - and not fair on your new man, not fair on your ex and not fair / confusing for your child. If your child views your husband as their Dad, can you imagine how they may feel

You really need to slow down, and focus on today - and not the new family you hope to create

Another thought I have is if you rush to chose a man - biological clock ticking - you are likely to choose another bad one. You really need to focus you the child you already have, and their happiness and not this urgent need you have to create another family on a shakey bedrock

pickledonionspaceraider

Trek_girl wrote: »

I suppose a part of me feels it is better to be unhappy than to be alone

Ok, you have issues that a forum cannot help with my dear

Trek_girl

Thank you for the kind words of advice. When you are in the middle of a situation it is hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes.