🗳️ ELECTION 2024: THE MSE LEADERS' DEBATE Got a burning question you want us to ask the party leaders ahead of the general election? Submit your suggestions via this form or post them on our dedicated Forum board where you can see and upvote other users' questions. Please note that the Forum's rules on avoiding general political discussion still apply across all boards.

Menopause, partner struggling to cope

Options
Am after some help please, either from males or females. I'm really struggling. My girlfriend (46) had a full hysterectomy 2 years ago, and as a result the menopause started about a year ago. Classic symptoms to start with, hot flushes, forgetfulness etc but now, almost clockwork (every 4 weeks or so) she will have 4 or 5 days where she is unbearable to live with. We come close to splitting up each time. She changes completely (I understand this can/does happen), but its getting too much. We've been together 8 years, and until last year things were perfect. She has tablets from the Dr's (HRT) that help a bit, but a side effect of these is weight gain, which is now a problem for her (not me, but shes very image conscious). We talk 2 weeks later and she knows she was massively over-reacting, then 2 weeks later, its hell again for me.

Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Feel free to ask any questions
«13

Comments

  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker
    Options
    If the bad days come like clockwork, why don't you make plans to avoid each other then?
  • longwalks1
    longwalks1 Posts: 3,751 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    If the bad days come like clockwork, why don't you make plans to avoid each other then?

    We live together, and work in the same place, so commute together
  • longwalks1
    longwalks1 Posts: 3,751 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    If the bad days come like clockwork, why don't you make plans to avoid each other then?

    Sorry, also, those days when I cant bear being near her, shes suspicious of everything, anytime I'm on the phone, sending a text.. Its hell (for us both)
  • prosaver
    prosaver Posts: 7,026 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    it s funny how they call it
    men o pause
    those that explain it ?
    “Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
    ― George Bernard Shaw
  • heuchera
    heuchera Posts: 1,825 Forumite
    Options
    Sorry to hear this. It's hormones, of course. The same reason teenagers are erratic and difficult, and it happens to women in their 40s/50s.

    HRT has a lot of nasty side effects, including increased risk of breast cancer, but some women choose it because their lives are so hellish without it. It's a balancing act.

    I think your lady friend needs to go back to the doctor and explain that she's still getting bad symptoms.
    left the forum due to trolling/other nonsense
    28.3.2016
  • no1catman
    no1catman Posts: 2,972 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Options
    The menopause is a trying time for women, its almost as if they transform into something different. The chemical mix of hormones etc is different, they were used to going through their 'monthly cycle' - that goes. The mood swing could almost be in mourning for what used to be.


    What to do? Number one - be very patient. Number two - do some research e.g. Boots website etc for how to deal with the 'mood swings', and number three - when doing any shopping look out for a pharmacy area - browse for products, ask advice.
    She will I'm sure appreciate the assistance.
    HTHs - good luck.
    I used to work for Tesco - now retired - speciality Clubcard
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    edited 12 December 2015 at 10:07PM
    Options
    well its a bit hard to help as we aren't allowed to 'diagnose' on here - the MSE team will delete the thread if medical advice is given.
    I would say she needs to go back to GP and ask for a referral to a gynaecologist.
    in the meantime there ARE things she can do - there are many 'herbal' remedies available.
    avoiding stress - I know that's not practical in work situations - but many people find avoiding the 'news' programmes or provocative 'documentaries' help.

    Agree 'trigger' words which she can use when she finds herself getting stressed and angry - and you can give her space..................and vice versa!
    and the old standby - relaxing baths and nice smelly candles!
    and don't forget the old sense of humour! on her good weeks you may be able to joke about the 'stress weeks' - and this will help as you store away some 'goodies'!
    I can remember my OH asking me what I wanted from him (as he had me virtually screaming at him) and I replied 'Move to Australia.....without me'!
    I thought it funny a week later - and a couple of months later during a very bad argument he suddenly threw up his hands and said 'OK THATS IT! I AM MOVING TO AUSTRALIA'! and I burst out laughing! then cried, then laughed again and felt much better.
    to give you an insight hun - for two weeks you think you are going insane and everyone in your life is driving you there. Its awful - but it does pass.
    I have every sympathy with you both. I do hope you find some resolution to this.
  • Poppie68
    Poppie68 Posts: 4,881 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Options
    Unfortunately it's unavoidable this menopause lark.....My husband works away so mostly escapes the madwoman that appears in our house once a month...When he's home he shuts his ears!
    I think your going to have to try a few different tactics before you find a (part) solution. Maybe treat her to a spa day midway through the mad period, gives her something to look forward to and gives you hope.
  • longwalks1
    longwalks1 Posts: 3,751 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    Options
    meritaten wrote: »
    well its a bit hard to help as we aren't allowed to 'diagnose' on here - the MSE team will delete the dthread if medical advice is given. point taken, thanks for the heads up
    I would say she needs to go back to GP and ask for a referral to a gynaecologist.
    in the meantime there ARE things she can do - there are many 'herbal' remedies available. she has tried a few herbal remedies but they played havoc with her skin, so they were dropped as she is so image concious
    avoiding stress - I know that's not practical in work situations - but many people find avoiding the 'news' programmes or provocative 'documentaries' help. Sadly, since the symptoms began a year ago, she is now a huge fan of every single depressing soap, American drama series and Jeremy Kyle/Judge Ringer rubbish on the TV

    Agree 'trigger' words which she can use when she finds herself getting stressed and angry - and you can give her space..................and vice versa!
    and the old standby - relaxing baths and nice smelly candles!
    and don't forget the old sense of humour! on her good weeks you may be able to joke about the 'stress weeks' - and this will help as you store away some 'goodies'!
    I can remember my OH asking me what I wanted from him (as he had me virtually screaming at him) and I replied 'Move to Australia.....without me'!
    I thought it funny a week later - and a couple of months later during a very bad argument he suddenly threw up his hands and said 'OK THATS IT! I AM MOVING TO AUSTRALIA'! and I burst out laughing! then cried, then laughed again and felt much better.
    to give you an insight hun - for two weeks you think you are going insane and everyone in your life is driving you there. Its awful - but it does pass.
    I have every sympathy with you both. I do hope you find some resolution to this.

    have answered some points in red (hope its worked)
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    Options
    britishboy wrote: »
    have answered some points in red (hope its worked)


    Yes, it has and I will try to help where I can.


    the addiction to JK and other 'depressing' shows. 'Misery loves Company'! my Nans saying. and its true, the more depressed you are, the more you are drawn to 'miserable' shows.
    and she had another saying 'Laughter is the best medicine'! try to find shows or DVDs she will enjoy and laugh at.
    Herbal medicines can often draw 'impurities' out of the skin - but, after a couple of months this stops and the Herbs do what they are supposed to do. They are not like modern medicines - the body often has to get 'used' to them. Patience is needed! Herbs don't work like modern 'antibiotics', a two week course is useless - two months and they should be 'starting' to work! Most people don't realise this and give up on the herbal remedies after a couple of weeks claiming 'they don't work'.
    The body WILL crave stuff that's bad for it. be that sugar, fat or salt. its demoralising to go on a diet, lose weight, then put it all (and more) back on again.
    solution? you don't diet!
    you find substitutes for the junk you love, (Vegan or Vegetarian versions usually taste great and you don't miss the fat, salt and sugar). you develop a taste for fresh fruit and veg. even dried fruit is healthy if you substitute it for sweet sugary snacks.
    and where possible you don't visit 'fast food joints'!
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 4 Election 2024: The MSE Leaders' Debate
  • 343.8K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.3K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 450K Spending & Discounts
  • 236K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 609.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.4K Life & Family
  • 248.6K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards