Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay my parents interest?

sugarbaby125

happyinflorida, I hope that you will be able to leave the deception that you deeply felt your parents subjected you to in the past, where it belongs. It was hurtful when you knew the full extent of their deception, especially when your Mother was a Christian and both of your parents were honest, trustworthy people as far as you knew.

Your parents were unfair in charging you such a large amount of interest, but as this was many years ago and your life has moved on, it is time to let all of the hurt and anger go. Your Father has already died without you leaving all of these issues in the past, forgive your parents and make the most of the time you have left with your Mother.

maiasopohie

My mother-in-law "gave" us £10k to buy the small field adjacent to our house so we could keep a horse at home for her little granddaughter. As far as I was concerned it was a gift.
After she died I was horrified to learn that this was now included as part of her Estate, on which we had to pay Inheritance Tax (a 6 figure sum already!) please get these "gifts" legalised! (The taxman looked on all her property with a view to what it would be worth for development, not the family home & a wedding gift. )

brenda10

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Figure out a fair interest rate and pay your parents what you owe. Then never talk to them again - ideally after you have your first child.

How lucky to have had such kind parents, they maybe didn't have much money but they kindly loaned it, I was that parent who loaned even though I had little left-best to share and help if possible as a parent, but why punish the parents-that is nasty!


Happy Christmas to all.
Thanks to Martin Lewis-he is my HERO.
Happy Christmas Mrs Lewis and Sapphire.

Pollycat

brenda10 wrote: »

How lucky to have had such kind parents, they maybe didn't have much money but they kindly loaned it, I was that parent who loaned even though I had little left-best to share and help if possible as a parent, but why punish the parents-that is nasty!


Happy Christmas to all.
Thanks to Martin Lewis-he is my HERO.
Happy Christmas Mrs Lewis and Sapphire.

Brenda
I suggest you read posts 79, 84 & 90 - these give more info about happyinflorida's (who is the real author of this dilemma) parents' financial situation plus a little of how they treated her.

In light of that additional information, I don't think Ringo_4601's suggestion is all that bad (if it wasn't for the fact that her Dad is dead and Mum is suffering from Alzheimer's). :cool:

brenda10

happyinflorida wrote: »

I don't think so. When you are brought up by strict parents who expect you to obey them and have traditional values and respect those as well then it is traditional for the father to pay for his daughter's wedding. My parents lied continously to me and we had to borrow money to pay for our wedding, I even did all the catering myself to save money - we had the reception in our flat - it was not the wedding I'd hoped for but I believed the lies.

We also were helping my parents out at every opportunity we could, we bought them a microwave and a hoover over the years when they told us they couldn't afford these items! I didn't know they were on such an enormous monthly income, more than double what we had coming in - yes I'm furious now that I was so deceived and we went without so much because I had to work every possible hour I could to make ends meet.

Your parents may have been strict etc, they still loaned you THEIR money. You talk about it being a tradition for the Father to pay for a daughters wedding....sounds like you are a selfish person, sorry but I came from a family of 8, my parents loaned me money and they had very little, I repaid it and was very thankful for their kindness, my Mother would have given us the clothes off her back, I repaid her with love and occasional treats like a pair of walking shoes as she had such sore feet and spent nothing on herself.
Your expectations were high and sounds to me like you felt you were ENTITLED to be given money and wedding paid for-SELFISH.
Your parents money was your parents money, what entitlement did you have to it-NONE.
You say they lied to you about their finances, again it appears you felt ENTITLED to know about their finances, so what if thye asked you what you or your partner earned, you didn't have to tell them.
You have been lucky, only for your parents you wouldn't have been able to get on the property ladder, I would be horrified if my daughter who my husband and I have helped out a little, treated us like that.
Happy Christmas.
Martin Lewis is my HERO.

brenda10

Pollycat wrote: »

Brenda
I suggest you read posts 79, 84 & 90 - these give more info about happyinflorida's (who is the real author of this dilemma) parents' financial situation plus a little of how they treated her.

In light of that additional information, I don't think Ringo_4601's suggestion is all that bad (if it wasn't for the fact that her Dad is dead and Mum is suffering from Alzheimer's). :cool:

Their daughter had no ENTITLEMENT to her parents money, seems like she felt entitled to a lot of things. I was given very little but appreciated what my parents did for me through life, they made sacrifices and I appreciated everything they did as they had so little, in a family of 8 children, my parents did their best and I had no expectations or feelings of ENTITLEMENT, I paid for my own wedding and never expected my parents to give me money, whatever money they had was THEIRS.
Sadly my Mother is dead, my Father is still alive and I think of all the money they spent on me throughout my life and I am so thankful for everything.
Happy Christmas to all.
Martin Lewis is my hero.

moneyistooshorttomention

Having read the details - I would tend to agree OP had no right to know the parents income.

On the other hand - OP bought presents for the parents (that holiday, that microwave, etc) and the parents didn't pay for her wedding (as is traditional and I know I always assumed mine would have paid for my wedding - if there had been one). I am from a generation where daughters definitely did have their weddings paid for (ie early 60s age group) and OP is younger (so I don't know the "form" for that generation). But a stray comment from my parents years back revealed they had had a LOT of savings when I was in that agegroup (so I assume some was earmarked "for daughters wedding").

So - put like that and bearing in mind the facts:
- father dead
- mother in a nursing home with Alzheimers

then I'm not actually quite sure why the dilemma has come up in the first place.

Are there siblings who want the "estate" when mother dies to have been reimbursed that interest?

If there's no siblings = then dont bother (ie as the "interest" was paid in effect by those gifts and the wedding not being paid for).

If there are siblings = then chances are there won't be any "estate" much to think of anyway by the time the State has taken money to pay for mothers care in that nursing home whilst applicable.

So the basic question to answer is = are there any siblings?

If there aren't = forget it. There is no dilemma basically (ie with "interest" having been swapped for gifts and no payment towards wedding).

If there are = then things need to be worked out fairly between the siblings as to what happens to any "estate" left eventually, so that they are both treated equally.

Pollycat

brenda10 wrote: »

Their daughter had no ENTITLEMENT to her parents money, seems like she felt entitled to a lot of things. I was given very little but appreciated what my parents did for me through life, they made sacrifices and I appreciated everything they did as they had so little, in a family of 8 children, my parents did their best and I had no expectations or feelings of ENTITLEMENT, I paid for my own wedding and never expected my parents to give me money, whatever money they had was THEIRS.
Sadly my Mother is dead, my Father is still alive and I think of all the money they spent on me throughout my life and I am so thankful for everything.
Happy Christmas to all.
Martin Lewis is my hero.

Brenda
There really was no need to do a second post (#108) specifically addressed to me saying pretty much the same as you did in the preceding one (#107).

I merely pointed you to happyinflorida's posts because you posted:

brenda10 wrote: »

How lucky to have had such kind parents, they maybe didn't have much money but they kindly loaned it,

I wasn't asking for - nor expecting - support or empathy for happyinflorida, just pointing out the source of additional information - which you didn't seem to have when you posted 'they maybe didn't have much money'.

mac65

I am in a similar position having lent my daughter and family money which is being paid back - over 6+ years. I was glad to help and certainly don't want any interest/profit from helping them. Shame for being so tight with your own family!!

Value4money

They were kind enough to lend you the £7000 to help you out some years ago - but it sounds a bit steep to say the least that they're now asking for the full £7000 sum ON TOP OF what you've already paid over the last several years! [IF I've understood you correctly].
I'd suggest it would be fair to pay off the REMAINDER of the £7000 that you haven't yet paid, PLUS an amount equivalent to what they could have received if they'd invested the money in a decent-interest type bank account for that period of time.