Another what would you do...

Madmel

Agreeing with the PP who advised checking the school website. All letters sent home are listed as PDFs on our website, which is really useful.

Not all secondary schools impose a No Phones rule. The local one here does, and that was one reason for avoiding it. The school I which I work and my DDs attend has a "no phones in lessons without the express permission of the teacher" rule, which IMHO is far more sensible. In my subject, I encourage my pupils to use their phones to record their work in progress as lessons can be more than a week apart, so it helps them remember what they have done. In poor weather when the decision to close the school has been taken during the school day (twice in the last 4 years), kids have actually been told to ring or text home so parents know what is happening.

I know that some schools find phones distracting, but we genuinely have no issue with them

missbiggles1

Loulou2010 wrote: »

Just a thought. Did your son definately hand the slip and money in? Not sat at the bottom of his bag? Lost it and too embarrassed to admit it? Although if he had been checked onto the trip I am guessing it must have been

Rather like I suggested earlier, does he still have the fiver?

FBaby

A kid of any age walking home alone is defenseless.

11 is still young, he's not even a teenager. He may have more sense then, say, a 5 year old, but that doesn't make it right, it doesn't make him an adult, he's still just a kid.

This is exactly the kind of attitude by too many parents nowadays (and I don't mean OP) that results in more an more kids growing up to be scared of their shadow. Of course an 11 yo is not an adult, but it doesn't take the brain of an adult to be able to walk a short distance home alone. It is only because kids are treated as if they are mentally deficient that they end up incapable of minor common sense. It's nothing to do with the kids but with parents who somehow consider their kids as incapable beings who couldn't possibly cope without their superhero mum. It's about them needing to feel needed and not able to let go rather then the true capability of their child.

I do think the school failed to deal with the situation best, but to make it that they were putting the child in danger as a result is ridiculous. A child is in danger at any time, including when sitting in the car with their parents who pick them up from school.

In regards to the mobile phone issue, I don't get the note! What would be the point of bringing the phone in the first place if they are not allowed to be used getting there or back? Might was well say no phone allowed whilst wearing the school uniform. I would be much more concerned about this than what happened to OP's son.

LannieDuck

That sounds very strange. I'd have been annoyed too, but I think I'd want to speak with the teacher involved before deciding what to do about it.

Flyonthewall

FBaby wrote: »

This is exactly the kind of attitude by too many parents nowadays (and I don't mean OP) that results in more an more kids growing up to be scared of their shadow. Of course an 11 yo is not an adult, but it doesn't take the brain of an adult to be able to walk a short distance home alone. It is only because kids are treated as if they are mentally deficient that they end up incapable of minor common sense. It's nothing to do with the kids but with parents who somehow consider their kids as incapable beings who couldn't possibly cope without their superhero mum. It's about them needing to feel needed and not able to let go rather then the true capability of their child.

I do think the school failed to deal with the situation best, but to make it that they were putting the child in danger as a result is ridiculous. A child is in danger at any time, including when sitting in the car with their parents who pick them up from school.

In regards to the mobile phone issue, I don't get the note! What would be the point of bringing the phone in the first place if they are not allowed to be used getting there or back? Might was well say no phone allowed whilst wearing the school uniform. I would be much more concerned about this than what happened to OP's son.

I'm not saying kids should never be able to go anywhere and be under constant supervision and not allowed to do anything just in case.

It's getting dark early now so it would most likely have been completely dark by the time he was walking home. He's still a kid. He was at a place he hasn't been before. He was alone. He had no way of contacting anyone. No one knew where he was or where he'd go.

You have no idea how busy the streets are that he'd be walking down either or what area they live in (could be a bad area with numerous people who could have done anything to him).

They may not be entirely safe at any point, but that's no excuse for putting them in a situation where safety is non-existent!

I've lived in the same area all my life and have a train station a couple of miles from me that I have never been to. I'm not certain which way to get home and there'd be some streets I'd have to find my down before reaching a main road I think. Then I'd have to walk down and cross the main road, then there'd be another main road after that. I don't live in a bad area but you never know who you'll meet or who's driving by. Doing that in the dark with no way of contacting anyone is not something I'd choose to do even as an adult because it's just not a nice situation to be in where you feel somewhat lost and completely alone. 2 miles may not be that far, but it can feel like 200 miles in a situation like that, especially to a kid.

You're more concerned about a mobile phone than a childs safety!? If they allowed mobile phones even to and from school it means the phones are on them during the day where they can take it out and mess with it or they may forget to turn it off. The school have no right to say it's not allowed outside of the school gates, but I would guess they're saying it for the possible in-school situations/issues they may have.

FBaby

He's still a kid.

And that means nothing at all. Yes, he is a kid, who in this situation is used to taking buses and coming home on his own from school, which some days might indeed be in the dark.

Doing that in the dark with no way of contacting anyone is not something I'd choose to do even as an adult because it's just not a nice situation to be in where you feel somewhat lost and completely alone.

But that's you as an adult. Personally, it wouldn't faze me at all. My DS was able to walk alone at 8, taking the bus alone at 9, and the train at 10yo. DD went on a school trip to London when she was 14 and she and two girls ended up losing the teacher. They were told where to go if that happened. DD wasn't bothered at all and was able to get through the underground, even though she never done so without an adult before (and only been in London a hand full of time) and never been to that station.

The bottom line is that some kids are more confident than others just as adults are and you can't make assumptions about what a child is capable of doing just on the basis of their age.

If OP had written that her boy had learning difficulties, had never walked home alone before, and had shown distress to the teacher and this had been ignored, my response would have been very different, but it wasn't the case.

Anatidaephobia

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Rather like I suggested earlier, does he still have the fiver?

OP confirmed in post 48:

bylromarha wrote: »

He has the change from it - he had to use it on the bus journey home as he'd only bought a single to school that day.

He didn't think he'd be in trouble - he just didn't class this as an emergency. He knows the money isn't for fun stuff, and in his head, a school trip is fun.

Flyonthewall

FBaby wrote: »

And that means nothing at all. Yes, he is a kid, who in this situation is used to taking buses and coming home on his own from school, which some days might indeed be in the dark.

That's not the point, but I'm not going to repeat myself again.

But that's you as an adult.

Exactly! As an adult I wouldn't like it, never mind at 11! I'm sure there are other adults who wouldn't like it either.

Personally, it wouldn't faze me at all. My DS was able to walk alone at 8, taking the bus alone at 9, and the train at 10yo. DD went on a school trip to London when she was 14 and she and two girls ended up losing the teacher. They were told where to go if that happened. DD wasn't bothered at all and was able to get through the underground, even though she never done so without an adult before (and only been in London a hand full of time) and never been to that station.

The bottom line is that some kids are more confident than others just as adults are and you can't make assumptions about what a child is capable of doing just on the basis of their age.

If OP had written that her boy had learning difficulties, had never walked home alone before, and had shown distress to the teacher and this had been ignored, my response would have been very different, but it wasn't the case.

Some kids are more confident, but it's clear this is not a situation this kid should have been in. The school have a duty of care regardless of maturity or anything else.

OP has stated her son has a lack of common sense, sees things black and white and has difficulty in thinking through problems, although I don't think that makes any difference for the reasons I've already stated.

Everything I put in a previous post still stands and nothing you've said or keep arguing about changes it or will ever change it.

You've agreed yourself the school did not deal with the situation in the best way possible and that is the entire point. OP has a right to be angry for that reason and that reason alone.

Loulou2010

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Rather like I suggested earlier, does he still have the fiver?

The OP explained about the fiver. I'm not thinking he has spent it. Just lost it or caught up in books etc in his bag

Jagraf

FBaby wrote: »

And that means nothing at all. Yes, he is a kid, who in this situation is used to taking buses and coming home on his own from school, which some days might indeed be in the dark.



But that's you as an adult. Personally, it wouldn't faze me at all. My DS was able to walk alone at 8, taking the bus alone at 9, and the train at 10yo. DD went on a school trip to London when she was 14 and she and two girls ended up losing the teacher. They were told where to go if that happened. DD wasn't bothered at all and was able to get through the underground, even though she never done so without an adult before (and only been in London a hand full of time) and never been to that station.

The bottom line is that some kids are more confident than others just as adults are and you can't make assumptions about what a child is capable of doing just on the basis of their age.

If OP had written that her boy had learning difficulties, had never walked home alone before, and had shown distress to the teacher and this had been ignored, my response would have been very different, but it wasn't the case.

I myself will only walk in the dark, as a 46 year old adult female, if its busy or a well lit street. My 16 year old daughter is evey bit as capable as yours I'm sure, as are most kids, but there is a difference between walking around in London in the day,which is a really safe place generally, and walking down an alley in the dark. Or even a quiet road.

Nothing to do with confidence and independence.