Where do I start with it all?!

SandeC

Hi everyone

I'm new to the site, and reading through everybody's questions and whatnot, and seeing how supportive the forum is, has made me comfortable enough to ask for some advice. So, a little context.

I've been in debt since I was 18. Council tax debt, on-and-off rent arrears, overdrafts, mobile phone contracts, payday loans, store cards - you name it, it's probably in there somewhere. And it's only spiralled on and on and on as time has progressed.

Due to issues during childhood (which I don't really want to delve into), I've suffered from depression since I was around 13-14, which I didn't seek any professional help for until last year. I thought I could work through it, if you like. By then my financial habits had become somewhat engrained. I only went to my GP when I received a fine for non-payment of my TV License, and had to run to my mum for help. She spoke to them for me, paid the fine, and took me to the doctor, who prescribed me anti-depressants. For a while they seemed to work. I was managing my finances a little better, getting on better with my daughter (who, up until that point, I had been considering putting in the full time care of either her dad or my mum, due to feeling like I didn't deserve her and that she would be better off without me), and generally feeling a little happier. I noticed that things started to slip a while ago, but they've gotten out of hand pretty rapidly. One month of missed council tax turned into 2, and then quickly into 7, and now the bailiffs are knocking on the door. I've had another warning about the TV License, I've had a notice of intention to seek possession of my flat (although I am working on that by paying extra rent every week - I have until 14th December to clear the debt, which I think is only around £30-£40 now, so I'm not too worried about this being an issue ), and I have a backlog of around £7000ish in other debts that I've racked up over the years.

On Wednesday a hand delivered Enforcement Notice was put through my door for £1446 for 2 council tax debts. Today I called to negotiate an affordable repayment plan, and the bailiff wants £650 upfront, which I just don't have. This isn't the first time this has happened, but I've always managed to be able to work out a payment plan with them. This time it isn't happening though.

Tomorrow I turn 29, and it marks 11 years of a life in debt. I don't want to be that person any more, the one who can't seem to just take control and KEEP control of her money, the one who lives in fear of who might come knocking, who keeps her curtains closed so nobody can see in. But it seems that no matter how hard I try, I always fall back into that person.

Tomorrow I turn 29, and I want it to be the first day of the rest of my life. I want to be able to go out and leave the windows open, and answer the door without tiptoeing around first.

Today I have cried most of the day, because on Saturday my mum is coming over to sort out the council tax, and I really don't know how to tell her that once again, I've messed up big time and the bailiffs are involved. Today I thought again about putting my daughter into the care of her dad or my mum because of my uselessness. Today I had my first suicidal thought in about 8 months. Today, I realised that I am nearly 30 years old, and basically unable to provide the basics for myself, let alone my daughter.

So, my question is this. Where the hell do I start? I don't have any documentation for the majority of my older debts - only the ones who have written to me in the last 6 months or so. And, what is the best way to deal with the bailiff?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I think drowning would be a good way to describe how I'm feeling at the moment. Drowning, and desperate. I'd love to think that at this exact time next year, I'll be thinking to myself 'I'm 30 tomorrow, and things are looking up'.

Many thanks.

sourcrates

Hi,

Welcome to the forum.

I too am a late night browser, and it looks like your in a bit of a mess, well don't panic, your story is by no means unique, lots of people here can tell similar tales, the good thing is, there is always a solution to a debt problem, and I think yours can be solved pretty easily.

Have you heard of a "debt relief order" ?

Debts that can go into a DRO are called qualifying debts. They include: credit cards, overdrafts and loans. arrears with rent, utility bills, telephone bills, council tax and income tax.

Have a look here, and see if you may qualify :

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/debt-relief-orders/debt-relief-orders-explained/debt-relief-orders-what-you-need-to-know/

This is one solution, if you don't meet the criteria, there are other options.
But in your curcumstances, this may work best for you.

SandeC

Hi Sourcrates

Thanks so much for your reply. I haven't heard of a debt relief order - I've taken a look at the link you provided and it does seem it may help. I'll have a proper look in the morning, when I'm a little more awake, but it certainly seems like a good way forward. Many thanks again.

DreamerHelen

Hi There, I didn't want to read and run.....but I'm not sure I have much advice for you.....


The one thing I WILL say is please go to your Doctor again, maybe ask for some free Counselling, they will only be able to give you 6 - 12 sessions but it may give you some thinking time and some space for you to be able to work through some of your feelings....


I think I DRO is a possibility for you given what Sourcrates says.....but maybe also go to the StepChange Website and see if there is anything they can do for you there as well....


Martin says there is no Debt Problems that can't be sorted out....So please hold onto that hope and remember that it CAN be sorted out....


I hope that today IS the start of a new Life for you....and I will keep up to date with this Thread to see how you're getting on....xXx

crazy_cat_lady

[*]There are people on here that will give better debt advice than me - but I just wanted to echo what Helen says about getting some more help. Medication may solve part of the problem but talking therapy will also help. Your spending habits have become a coping strategy for whatever it is that you've been through - chances are that unless you find another way of dealing with it, then this will keep happening. I've been through this myself and am currently trying to persuade my husband that medication is only part of the solution...
[*]Well done on tackling the issue though - and good luck.

bilbodreams

Hello
I echo what pp have said. I'd contact Step Change first, they are brilliant, they won't judge,and they will advise you free of charge.
You are ONLY 29 years old, you have plenty of time to do wonderful things, buy a house and sort yourself financially. I ve been in debt and it consumes you, takes away your confidence and causes anxiety. There are ways to find exactly how much debt you have. Step Change will direct you. A lot of us here have been there, it's scary, but guess what, it can get solved and when you start taking control financially you ll feel so much better.
YOU are the best mum for your little one , my midwife said that to me when my boy was born and I will never forget that
Good luck:)

fatbelly

It looks like a debt relief order to me.

You will need to get up to date with your tv licence as that is not a qualifying debt.

Rent arrears goes in but it's accepted that you may have to continue to pay them if it's for where you are living, so if you can get up to date, that's best.

If your current account is overdrawn that goes in and is frozen, so you may need another account opened first - it must not be connected to any of your debts.

You do need to be compiling a list of creditors, references, balances, as best you can. At the end of the day if a guesstimate is the best you can do, so be it.

Probably CAB and stepchange do most of these. A good CAB intermediary can submit this as soon as the £90 fee is paid and they have seen an Experian report - you can get a statutory report for £2 yourself if you want to speed things up.

A DRO deals nicely with council tax debt - you will just have to block the bailiffs until you get there. They cannot force entry but can enter though an unlocked door. No point paying them anything so don't waste your mum's money on them. If she wants to help, get her to pay the £90 DRO fee(and/or the tv licence, rent arrears and Experian report)

A DRO gives you a clean start but you can only have one per 6 years.

SandeC

Thanks all for your kind words and advice. I have to say, I'm feeling a little more positive this morning. I've had another look at the link provided by Sourcrates, and have already re-joined Experian this morning after having a free trial many years ago that I clearly didn't use to my advantage (I didn't realise you could just send off for a copy for £2, and paid the £14.99 monthly fee - but if it help me get myself out of this mess then it's worth it I think!), but I do have to wait a couple of days for a PIN to arrive through the post before I can actually access the details I need on the report.

I think I'm going to use this time to sort out any paperwork I do have for my debts, work out a budget, and sit down and have a proper talk with my mum to let her know what's really going on. She worries so much.

I'm going to look into some talking therapy - I did have counselling when I was 15/16 and never really got on with it, but it's definitely something I think I'd like to try again. Step Change is next on my list, and I'll get to the CAB as soon as I can.

Many thanks again everyone x

anna_1977

Have you looked at registering with Noddle? They are another credit file reference agency but it's free to get your file and instant access online.

I am pleased you are feeling a little more positive about things this morning.
xx

SandeC

Thanks anna-m

I've just had a look at Noddle, and it seems that a lot of my debts aren't on there? And some are saying that they are 'satisfied', when I haven't paid them, and I'm pretty sure they've contacted me at some point during the last 12 months? x

sourcrates

SandeC wrote: »

Thanks anna-m

I've just had a look at Noddle, and it seems that a lot of my debts aren't on there? And some are saying that they are 'satisfied', when I haven't paid them, and I'm pretty sure they've contacted me at some point during the last 12 months? x

That usually means they have been sold on.

Until the new owner starts recovery action, and reporting on your credit file, you won't know who owns them unless you have had contact from the original creditor.

Sometimes accounts are sat on for many months before you hear anything, in some cases years.

Ideally you should write to the OC and ask them to confirm ownership or, if sold on, who they sold it too.