Wedding risk assessment?

heartbreak_star

I think you and your son need to have a proper talk about his fiancee's feelings towards his grandma.

HBS x

Mojisola

scurr wrote: »

I am going to phone the venue again to check out this risk assessment but wondered whether anyone has any experience of this.

What do you hope to gain by doing this? Prove that your son and his GF are liars? That's going to improve your relationship with them, isn't it?

I am treading carefully but all my excitement and joy about the wedding has been destroyed by the thought that my mum might not be allowed to attend her only grandson's wedding.

Unfortunately for your feelings, it's not your wedding. It's up to your son and his GF to chose who they want at their wedding.

scurr

Mojisola, you are absolutely right, it is their wedding and they can invite who they like.

Tonight they finally came clean and said they just don't want my mum there.

And when they invite me and my sister, my daughter, our respective partners, my mum's sister, my mum's nieces and nephew plus their kids to this wedding that my mum is not welcome at, it will still be their wedding and I think it's unlikely that any of the above will want to attend.

My mum's crimes:
1. Gate crashing funerals
2. Not lending them money when their baby was due so that my son could take time off work. My son's fianc!e had just inherited money and a house but she didn't want to bail him out so my mum was supposed to.
3. Not congratulating them on their engagement - which had happened 3 weeks previously but they hadn't actually told her, she heard from me.
4. Gate crashing the baby shower - my sister's fault because she just assumed she'd be welcome. I missed it due to a dog show - which was cast up to me tonight. I have, however, just looked after their 3 month old baby for over a week while they had a holiday (UK based, familyfriendly cottage) and have also had said baby 2 nights a week for the past 2 months - so I didn't feel I was that bad a grandparent...

I'm absolutely sickened by this pair.

heartbreak_star

This is likely to be an incredibly delicate situation, and it's awful of them...

...but unfortunately, you kinda have to live with it

What I would say is, don't try and influence any other relatives into taking sides. The couple may yet change their mind.

HBS x

Kaye1

Your poor Mum will be heart broken. Can they not see this? I can't give you any practical advice but wish you all the best.

splishsplash

Both your son and his fiancee sound well-matched .

True, the zeitgeist would have us believe it's their day and all about what they want, but if this is how they choose to behave, I would reluctantly find myself unable to attend the wedding... much as it would sicken me. I would do this on principle, knowing I hadn't brought my son up to behave like this.

Urgh, horrible situation. I hope your son sees sense, OP, and that they reconsider.

scurr

Thank you everyone. The latest is that I won't be allowed to see my beautiful 3 month old granddaughter. I am beyond devastated. The happy couple are welcome to one another but I can't imagine not seeing the baby. This sounds melodramatic but I actually feel suicidal. She's stayed for the whole weekend every week for 9 out of the past 10 weeks.

swingaloo

scurr wrote: »

My son is engaged to a girl I really like

Thats the bit that baffles me

swingaloo

scurr wrote: »

Thank you everyone. The latest is that I won't be allowed to see my beautiful 3 month old granddaughter. I am beyond devastated. The happy couple are welcome to one another but I can't imagine not seeing the baby. This sounds melodramatic but I actually feel suicidal. She's stayed for the whole weekend every week for 9 out of the past 10 weeks.

Seems to me they will be needing you before you need them. How can your son behave like this, never mind the girl. It dosent seem to me like she is good for him.
Hard as it may be, I wouldnt be so willing to babysit next time they ask.

What a selfish pair.

scurr

Er, when I wrote the original post I was wording things carefully just in case by some horrible mischance she found her story detailed here.

She is actually devious and manipulative, very controlling and vicious. She knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Everything is for appearances.