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Wedding risk assessment?
scurr
Posts: 295 Forumite
Just looking for some information - hope someone can help.
My son is engaged to a girl I really like, she's great for him and I'm so glad he's found her.
They're planning to marry in 2 years time and have booked an expensive and historic venue.
The problem is that the girl really isn't keen on my mum, my son's only living grandparent. Last week they told me that they're having a dilemma about the venue - apparently it may not be disabled friendly and therefore my mum might not be able to go to the wedding. One thing that was mentioned was that if she was using a wheelchair it could damage the historic interior and floors so that was one reason it was a problem
My mum is not disabled. She is in her 70s and has had some mobility problems but is much better now. She can walk and climb stairs but uses a lift if one is available. She uses a wheelchair at airports to cut out unnecessary walking.
My mum would be absolutely devastated if she knew what was going on.
I phoned the venue to ask about accessibility and found they have a lift and a wheelchair and see no problem with guests with reduced mobility.
When I told my son this he was annoyed I had 'gone behind his back' and said it's 2 years away and anyway they have to complete a risk assessment with the venue and people have to be vetted before the wedding due to the valuable interiors and contents. My mum plus about 10 others on the invitation list are considered (by the couple) to be high risk due to their mobility - public liability insurance since a wedding is a private function was also mentioned, and apparently the venue would sue the couple if they don't comply with their rules.
I have never heard of anything like this and to be honest in their shoes I would not consider getting married with any of my close family missing.
I am going to phone the venue again to check out this risk assessment but wondered whether anyone has any experience of this. I am treading carefully but all my excitement and joy about the wedding has been destroyed by the thought that my mum might not be allowed to attend her only grandson's wedding.
My son is engaged to a girl I really like, she's great for him and I'm so glad he's found her.
They're planning to marry in 2 years time and have booked an expensive and historic venue.
The problem is that the girl really isn't keen on my mum, my son's only living grandparent. Last week they told me that they're having a dilemma about the venue - apparently it may not be disabled friendly and therefore my mum might not be able to go to the wedding. One thing that was mentioned was that if she was using a wheelchair it could damage the historic interior and floors so that was one reason it was a problem
My mum is not disabled. She is in her 70s and has had some mobility problems but is much better now. She can walk and climb stairs but uses a lift if one is available. She uses a wheelchair at airports to cut out unnecessary walking.
My mum would be absolutely devastated if she knew what was going on.
I phoned the venue to ask about accessibility and found they have a lift and a wheelchair and see no problem with guests with reduced mobility.
When I told my son this he was annoyed I had 'gone behind his back' and said it's 2 years away and anyway they have to complete a risk assessment with the venue and people have to be vetted before the wedding due to the valuable interiors and contents. My mum plus about 10 others on the invitation list are considered (by the couple) to be high risk due to their mobility - public liability insurance since a wedding is a private function was also mentioned, and apparently the venue would sue the couple if they don't comply with their rules.
I have never heard of anything like this and to be honest in their shoes I would not consider getting married with any of my close family missing.
I am going to phone the venue again to check out this risk assessment but wondered whether anyone has any experience of this. I am treading carefully but all my excitement and joy about the wedding has been destroyed by the thought that my mum might not be allowed to attend her only grandson's wedding.
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Comments
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I really wouldn't ring the venue again. Unless you are paying for it -it really isn't of your business - and it is two years away - anything could happen in that time.
You've checked out that there IS disabled access if any of your family MIGHT need it in two years - you don't need to know anything more at this point and your son is already annoyed that you are interfering-so don't make it worse . They are presumably adults if they are booking a wedding not children.
These are the sort of things that can cause huge rifts in families and you already know the venue has a lift and a wheelchair so let it go and trust your son to do right by his granny.
All wedding venues have public liability insurance as a matter of course and as for a venue needing to vet the guests - that is nonsense. Far more likely a venue might need to vet the guest list if children aren't allowed n case they break something to make sure none have snuck onto the list.
I'd take what your son is saying with a pinch of salt and the most you should do is have a google for wedding reviews for the venue to see if other couples were "sued for breaking rules" . Sounds like your son and future DIL gave the venue a bit of a bad impression if they were told things like their guests needed to be vetted. It's a historic hotel not GCHQ after all !!
Frankly any venue who even implied my guests would need vetting would be told where to get off and I'd cancel....... Who on earth do they think they are ?I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
Why doesn't your son's fiancee like his grandmother?
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Why would you do this? Your son wasn't happy when you phoned the venue behind his back the first time, do you really think doing it again is going to improve relations?I am going to phone the venue again to check out this risk assessment but wondered whether anyone has any experience of this.0 -
Cashewnut I'm not quite sure why she dislikes my mum! My mum does talk a lot (until people's ears bleed) but is pleasant to everyone and does anything she can to help people. When the girl's mum died last year I was unable to get time off for the funeral so asked my mum to go to represent me and pay respect but this was interpreted as gate crashing.0
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Fairy lights, my son has a long history of being economical or creative with the truth.
I think even considering excluding my son's fairly fit 74 year old grandmother, his only living grandparent, is such a horrible thing to do I need all the information I can get. Especially when the bride to be has a very fit 84 year old grandfather whose invitation isn't in question!
The fact that neither of these grandparents actually has mobility problems at present is the main issue I have...0 -
When the girl's mum died last year I was unable to get time off for the funeral so asked my mum to go to represent me and pay respect but this was interpreted as gate crashing.
How bizarre. When my partner's mother died, my family attended the funeral. They had never met his mother but came to support me and my partner, and to pay their respects. Gatecrashing is an odd way to describe people at a funeral (assuming it isn't a private funeral with limited attendance).0 -
Fairy lights, my son has a long history of being economical or creative with the truth.
I think even considering excluding my son's fairly fit 74 year old grandmother, his only living grandparent, is such a horrible thing to do I need all the information I can get. Especially when the bride to be has a very fit 84 year old grandfather whose invitation isn't in question!
The fact that neither of these grandparents actually has mobility problems at present is the main issue I have...
I think that is what is happening here.
They have drawn up a list of people they don't like and are using the venue as a smoke screen. I simply don't believe any venue has the time or inclination to pre vet wedding guests for insurance purposes. How would they even begin to do that?
Have you thought that it might be something to get at you over the funeral? Maybe it was you that she was annoyed with but took it out on Granny. Is she your mum?
I would leave it for the time being, but if it seems to be going ahead I would have it out with him. The very least he can do is be honest.
Or you could post the name of the venue here .........;)0 -
I hate to say this , but it doesn't bode well for your future relationship with either your son or daughter in law...she's flexing her muscles over control in the relationship , I would be devastated if my mother was treated in this fashion, and although I always recommend keeping out of my children's personal lives if this was me I would have my sayVuja De - the feeling you'll be here later0
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Cashewnut I'm not quite sure why she dislikes my mum! My mum does talk a lot (until people's ears bleed) but is pleasant to everyone and does anything she can to help people. When the girl's mum died last year I was unable to get time off for the funeral so asked my mum to go to represent me and pay respect but this was interpreted as gate crashing.
Thank you for explaining. I still think the whole thing sounds a little odd! Also, if my fiance made it known he didn't like MY grandmother over such a trivial reason I'm not sure this would be someone I'd want to marry anymore...0 -
Ps. I think your mum sounds lovely and well-meaning, for what it's worth.0
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