Awkward relative present ideas please

elisebutt65

As she bins everything, how about a new waste paper bin?

Mojisola

DomRavioli wrote: »

Because I can't have 14 members of my family opening presents and her not opening anything. She went home and cried last time she got nothing - as she requested - and we didn't hear the end of it for two years. I'm not going through that kind of drama again.

She also doesn't do cards - she classes them as tat and bins them, usually without opening them.

If she can't give you a shortlist of what she would like for Christmas, how can she expect you to come up with something for her?

Rather than get caught up in her control games, I think I'd play hardball - get her to give you some ideas or she won't have anything to open again this year.

Tigsteroonie

My Nan (sadly now passed) reached this point - not thru any awkwardness but simply because she'd had so many birthdays and christmases that she'd got all she wanted.

She came up with her solution - a small box of chocs, and a Boots voucher for a 'sensible' amount (not token but not huge). She explained that she'd be shopping in there during the year, so it wouldn't get wasted.

OP you've mentioned your Nan is picky on the food front - maybe a voucher for where she *will* shop?

pandora205

A calendar with family photos?
A supermarket card to use for groceries or other purchases?
A family tree book to fill in together? http://www.amazon.co.uk/Our-Family-Tree-History/dp/0785826734

DomRavioli

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

My Nan (sadly now passed) reached this point - not thru any awkwardness but simply because she'd had so many birthdays and christmases that she'd got all she wanted.

She came up with her solution - a small box of chocs, and a Boots voucher for a 'sensible' amount (not token but not huge). She explained that she'd be shopping in there during the year, so it wouldn't get wasted.

OP you've mentioned your Nan is picky on the food front - maybe a voucher for where she *will* shop?

Thanks for this - its nice to know that there are people who understand! I think I'll have to get her a tesco voucher so at least she can get what she wants from there.

DomRavioli

Mojisola wrote: »

If she can't give you a shortlist of what she would like for Christmas, how can she expect you to come up with something for her?

Rather than get caught up in her control games, I think I'd play hardball - get her to give you some ideas or she won't have anything to open again this year.

You may be a heartless person, but I'm not, so unless you're suggesting something constructive, don't ask me to bring my grandmother to tears.

missbiggles1

Would cut flowers come under the heading of "clutter"?

Mojisola

DomRavioli wrote: »

She also doesn't do cards - she classes them as tat and bins them, usually without opening them.

DomRavioli wrote: »

You may be a heartless person, but I'm not, so unless you're suggesting something constructive, don't ask me to bring my grandmother to tears.

I'm far from heartless but I don't like people emotionally manipulating relatives.

Whatever your age, it's very bad manners to do things like throw cards away without any thought for the person who has bought it and very manipulative to give a long list of things you don't want and then expect people to rush around each year trying to find something you might like, only to reject it if you don't like it.

How hard would it be for her to say "I really like those biscuits/that handcream/that magazine"?

springdreams

Why not ask the uncle that she cares for for suggestions? He may have heard her mention something she would like, or may know what sort of foods she would like so you could do her a mini hamper of edible treats.

Or perhaps a nice throw for putting over her knee on a cold evening with a small tin of "luxury" type biscuits or chocolates.

DomRavioli

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm far from heartless but I don't like people emotionally manipulating relatives.

Whatever your age, it's very bad manners to do things like throw cards away without any thought for the person who has bought it and very manipulative to give a long list of things you don't want and then expect people to rush around each year trying to find something you might like, only to reject it if you don't like it.

How hard would it be for her to say "I really like those biscuits/that handcream/that magazine"?

She hasn't given a long list of things she doesn't want - those are things we have tried in the past.

And she's a full time carer at 80 for her 56 year old severely disabled son, she doesn't have time to even think about putting hand cream on, let alone say which one she likes. She spends every day caring for him, she gets no respite from anyone apart from me (we've asked, they won't do it, and say he needs to be in residential care full time).

She has dedicated her life to looking after her son, so doesn't have time for hobbies, friends, a life of her own. Maybe if you actually knew what that felt like (having to constantly check his airway, tube/peg feeding, manual lifting, incontinence to name just a few), then you wouldn't have this !!!!!! attitude.