Quit everything , and start again over 50?

dreaming

Cold and foggy here too but luckily the brain fog I had yesterday has gone. Every now and then I get a day or two where I can't seem to get going so I have learned to give in a bit and just "potter". A good night's sleep though last night (quite unusual for me) and I'm raring to go again.
To be fair to AC, I understand how difficult it can be to change one's mindset and embark on a completely new life, unless you are that way inclined anyway. For me it was circumstance (divorce) that made me step outside of my comfort zone (a bit) and I am very glad that I did. But I do get that after years of being in low paid drudge work, and seemingly at the beck and call of certain family members with their own issues plus suffering illness, to suddenly throw everything up in the air and become an intrepid explorer is unlikely. And it is still early days for AC in Poole. I think that after Christmas and New Year is plenty of time to really get down to brass tacks, and by then AC may know the area(s) a bit better, and seeing what places look like in the bleurgh days of January and February might encourage him to expand his vision a bit more. I do agree that houses top flats every day, but I love my bungalow and I know plenty people who don't like sleeping "downstairs". Wonder if AC is a bit overwhelmed by too much advice (no matter how well meant) and needs to really sit back and consider his options quietly. I do think he has been a bit too open on here but then I am a fairly private person so maybe I am misjudging him. I'm not convinced he is used to living his own life yet. He has made some good, bold moves (for him) so far though so all credit AC.
I have a friend who lives near Edinburgh and it is absolutely beautiful there - one of my "dream" places to live but I can't stand the cold for too long, so it stays as a "virtual home" - likewise my "virtual smallholding" where I don't actually have to get up at stupid o'clock in the depths of winter to see to the animals (except for my cat sometimes grrr!). Where I live we seem to have our own little micro-climate and rarely have very bad winters so although I do dream and look around Rightmove etc. I know I am likely to stay put. I am lucky in that I have only ever had 1 bad neighbour - some of the others have been "too good". The ones I have now are just about perfect - pleasant and helpful (we all take parcels in for each other, or put bins out, etc.) but not too intrusive either.
Right off to feed the Christmas cakes more brandy, and make some soup out of last night's casserole leftovers.

lessonlearned

Just to be clear.....I think AC has done a tremendous job so far. He has shown immense courage. I am sorry if I give off the wrong vibes.

It's not easy to change your stars but sometimes it has to be done.

Marriage, divorce, death, job moves, redundancy, ill health - they all shift us out of our comfort zone. They all take their toll.

I agree AC needs to just take a few steps back now and consolidate.

I'm sure all will be well.

dreaming

lessonlearned wrote: »

Just to be clear.....I think AC has done a tremendous job so far. He has shown immense courage. I am sorry if I give off the wrong vibes.

It's not easy to change your stars but sometimes it has to be done.

Marriage, divorce, death, job moves, redundancy, ill health - they all shift us out of our comfort zone. They all take their toll.

I agree AC needs to just take a few steps back now and consolidate.

I'm sure all will be well.

No, no LL - don't think you give off wrong vibes at all. I think that (like me) you have come to a way of life through circumstance and can use that experience to imagine your future life, and make it happen to the best of your abilities. I also think (like me again) that you are straight talker and I'm sure AC (and others) appreciate that. But I also remember the days when I thought I had to please everyone else in my life and felt a bit like a dandelion seed blowing in the wind. Listening then to all of the advice that (arguably) well-meaning friends and family deemed fit to give me tended to make me feel either paralysed by indecision, or conversely make rash decisions in order to make any decision at all. It was only when I learned to listen to myself that I realised that I could actually make good decisions on my own. And if they proved not to be so good then I could learn from then and move on. Although I have a theory that there are very, very few absolutely right or wrong decisions in life - just decisions which you can make right or wrong by your own efforts.

lessonlearned

My late husband used to say "better the wrong decision than No decision". :rotfl:

Let's face it.......There are few decisions in life that are irreversible.

I've made some pretty stupid ones in my time......but I lived to tell the tale......and often "dine out in the telling too".

My DS1 and DIL took me out for lunch and the cinema on Sunday. She asked me about my teenage years. I had them In hysterics telling them about some of my escapades.

I can laugh now but at the time......:eek:

I have actually made a start on my memoirs. I have done the first 30 years so far.

I might have to have them published after my death......;)

I am currently trying to get dad to tell us more about his life, I want to record it for his grandchildren and future generations.

He has led an amazing life. From the little snippets I have been able to glean I think he was a bit of a war hero on the quiet but he plays it down. I'll have to get him drunk.....

Apparently he got in a strop over his wheelchair this morning so obviously he is feeling well today.

There's life in the old dog yet.

another_casualty

Thanks to all for the wonderful advice once again. I will go into a few things in a moment . First of all: This morning ..phoned gym regarding induction etc. I'm joining tomorrow .( unless I keel over)
Visited doctors surgery . Need to fill forms in etc. Will probably hand them in tomorrow . Surgery is opposite gym btw.
5am this morning : logged into the payplan website to cancel tomorrow's appointment .
Now regarding the above on this page : I'm normally the person who plays safe ,regarding risk taking . I'm normally happy with my lot ( except debt and the job of course). Doing all this ,and getting this far is something I never thought I would do . I was always the one to think ahead , and pay into a pension ,no matter how derisory it is . Staying in twickenham , for example would've worked if I wasn't in so much debt as the value of anyone's property is always up .
I have just got out of b&b mode . Most clothes are now waiting to be washed.some are in wardrobes .
I have been making notes all the time on my iPhone as to what to do ,and plan ahead. However ,I now have writing pad and pens from Poundland .
Yes,I ama very open person Too open for my own good at times.
Having said that , if I wasn't then I don't think I would've had the great support as I have on here or anywhere .
Not a sob story now ,but a bit more info as to why I'm now a little stuck :
I have always worked .most of the times in all jobs ,I've done long hours .
I've enjoyed doing that most of the time . I've played inbands, and music is probably my only passion as such . I don't really know what other desire I may have . This means ,some sort of employment is inevitable .
Part time would be good ,or even temping . Let's be honest ,how many people have to carry on working regardless ?
Everyone I know , earns more than me .Having said that , I can't complain about my present situation .
I could go on ..
I think that I needed some sort of change .Here I am .
So far ,things have been great . Granted ,I've only just moved ,so there's a way to go .
As I don't no anybody ,except for a couple of people ,I think it's best to stay in the area I'm in . If it means moving one more time after my next move , then so be it .
Covering £100-150 a month in the future may be achievable .
If something comes up soon, it may be something to consider .
I have my friend (&his wife ),who can advise me of areas slightly outside that may fit the bill. I'll be seeing him Thursday ,and will discuss briefly .

Btw : slightly odd , but I've been waking up at 4/5am to listen to Steve Allen on Lbc. When I go online ( suppose to be thurs), I will record his shows in stead and listen whenever .
Regarding the budget : once I know the sums I have to pay on dmp ,then I can concentrate more .Sounds like a cop out , but it will be a slightly depressing thing to do and I'll be prepared ( I think).

With this illness and the sort of jet lag effect ,it means I get good days /bad days . Exhaustion ?
When I was working ,I had adrenaline which got me through ( Wendy understands:) ). I never let the side effect of m g ( tiredness / sluggishness) get in the way . At home it was a different matter.

That's it for now , except to let you know I understand where you're coming from . A bit overwhelmed at times with so much good advice .
Please keep contributing .LL..that means you also!:)
Please comment on how I'm doing so far and help when you can.
Thanks

dreaming

Ah - the invincibility of youth! having lost both my parents at early age I wish I knew more about them but the other thing about youth is that we think we have all the time in the world. Actually lost touch with mum's side completely although I have tried to trace them at various times. Then, completely out of the blue the week before last one of them got in touch with my brother. I seem to have doubled my family overnight.


AC - just saw your post - you seem to be in a good frame of mind. Don't think of yourself as "stuck" at the moment - just having a breather. You really don't have to dance to anyone else's music (which is what I was trying to say before). Good idea to record radio programmes and try to get into routine with sleep.

lessonlearned

Ah that's nice. Family is very important. I think it's so sad when families fall out or drift apart.

A relative is a relative.......even if you can't stand them.:rotfl:

another_casualty

Just had 2 texts from payplan .
They have still pencilled me in for tomorrow's appt.
They have info about the offers I have made.tomorrow is scary.
I told payplan one thing,and the creditors another

MrsPorridge

Like you, AC, I have always worked all my life - the dreaded 9 - 5 and while I dream of giving up, it's not always about the money! I would miss the social interaction and just the actual focus of "something to get out of bed for". I imagine it will take many months to settle down into a life which isn't governed by the clock.


On the question of houses v. flats - DH and I are hoping to downsize from a house to a bungalow - mainly because it's now just us 2, plus it will be easier for outside maintenance (DH is great with heights, but earlier this year he went up the ladder and came down ashen faced and almost in tears to tell me that he couldn't take it any more - I was pleased I can tell you and we ended up getting someone in to do the work). So we have been thinking about getting older and trying to make life a lot easier for ourselves. I also hate dragging the hoover up the stairs, so a bungalow for us will be perfect.


Others are right AC, only you can make that decision faced with all the fantastic advice you have received. Only you know what you would like your future life to be - and you have made such a brilliant start.

dreaming

another_casualty wrote: »

Just had 2 texts from payplan .
They have still pencilled me in for tomorrow's appt.
They have info about the offers I have made.tomorrow is scary.
I told payplan one thing,and the creditors another

Which is why we tried to advise you not to lie (or actually say too much). However, that is the past so don't worry about it.


The thing to remember now is that you don't have to do anything just because Payplan (or anyone else) say so. This is not school - YOU are in control and can just tell Payplan you will not be attending any appointment tomorrow and that you wish to negotiate the F+F offers with your creditors personally. Having learned a lot on the DMP thread to help my DD I think this is likely to be the advice the guru known as Sourcrates (and other knowledgeable people) would give. So if I were you I would tell Payplan you will not be attending appointment (or taking part if it is online/telephone). The sky won't fall in I promise.