Convincing My Girlfriend To Cut Back

Pollycat

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

Morning all,

I've been with my girlfriend for around 6 months and during that time I was able to wine and dine her and spoil her on her birthday, the way that she should be treated. So she’s grown used to the odd surprise bouquets of flowers or a nice meal out, but recently my financial circumstances have changed for various reasons and I just can’t keep up that lifestyle and I have a fear that she’ll think I’ve lead her on and got her used to this lifestyle just to win her over.

Her financial situations isn’t the best either, in fact she’s in quite a bit of debt, which only makes me feel worse because she may have initially thought that I’d be there to support her.

I can give you an example as recent as yesterday;

On Saturday it was my best friends engagement party and so my GF and I had a few drinks to celebrate. On the Sunday, she was a bit worse for wear and during the course of the day I spent £20 on ‘hangover food’. Despite suggesting and encouraging making an omelette or something, it had to be a take-away! Money I’d rather have kept in my wallet but at the same time, I know it’s what she wanted and I’m only trying to make her happy!

I’ve been on this website every day for a few weeks now and only recently joined the forum because I hoped that there might be a few others who have been in a similar situations as me and could help.

How do I persuade her to join me in my quest to save?

Thank you.

Is she aware of the change in your financial circumstances?
If not, tell her pdq.

If she is aware, you need to be very clear with her about the limitations in the money you can spend on her.

Re the hangover food - you have to learn to say 'no' (and mean 'no') and she has to understand 'no' means 'no'.

If she doesn't understand, she's not a keeper.

duchy

You sound like you think she's motivated to stay with you because you pay for everything.

If you can't cook -learn ! A decently cooked meal at home is better than any takeaway as well as much better value. Was part of the problem that there wasn't much choice in the fridge - I agree with the plan ahead comment if that was the case.

SpekySquarehead

Thanks guys for your advice, it's really appreciated and helped so much to put things into perspective.

Thank you.

Double_V

Yeah like others have suggested, you need to let her know.
Hope your situations changes. And good luck.

Mojisola

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

I've been with my girlfriend for around 6 months and during that time I was able to wine and dine her and spoil her on her birthday, the way that she should be treated.

So she’s grown used to the odd surprise bouquets of flowers or a nice meal out, but recently my financial circumstances have changed for various reasons and I just can’t keep up that lifestyle and I have a fear that she’ll think I’ve lead her on and got her used to this lifestyle just to win her over.

If she does walk away because she was only interested in your money and not you, think yourself lucky that you found this out now before the relationship got more serious.

When you start another relationship, be more realistic - and come into the 21st century. Your post reads like something from the 1950s.

No-one "should be treated" to lots of dinners and gifts unless that has no impact on the giver's finances and, even then, the person receiving the gifts should be finding ways to bring something to the relationship. Did she find ways to make you feel special and appreciated?

Primrose

Tell her exactly how it it is now and that you will be cutting back drastically as you have no intention of getting into debt.
Then ask her if she wants to stay in a relationship with you in your new circumstances. Then she has a choice and knows what to expect going forward. If she has any sense she will use your example to start getting her own house in order. If she doesn't you need to ask yourself whether you're going to be financially compatible in the long term. More relationships seem to break down over money than anything else.

KARO

Primrose wrote: »

More relationships seem to break down over money than anything else.

That's true, money is often a taboo subject, and the most difficult subject to discuss among couples.

Primrose

And stop trying to make her happy by spending money! Life is full of unfortunate realities we all have to get to grips with. If she can't knuckle down and share the bad times with you in a spirit of willing supportiveness, start looking elsewhere. You need a keeper, not a spender! You don't want to be fighting internal battles at the same time as fighting external wars.

Verix

My advice would be to have a goal to save up for, whether that be house, holiday, car or whatever you fancy. It gives you an 'excuse' to not spend so excessively e.g. 'sorry dear, I don't want to pay out for a takeaway as i'm trying to save up for x'.

Of course would still be best to talk it out with her though.

Mojisola

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

recently my financial circumstances have changed for various reasons

Verix wrote: »

My advice would be to have a goal to save up for, whether that be house, holiday, car or whatever you fancy. It gives you an 'excuse' to not spend so excessively e.g. 'sorry dear, I don't want to pay out for a takeaway as i'm trying to save up for x'.

Of course would still be best to talk it out with her though.

Why lie about the reason he can't spend so liberally? That's not a good thing to do with your partner.