Convincing My Girlfriend To Cut Back

SpekySquarehead

Morning all,

How do I persuade her to join me in my quest to save?

Thank you.

elsien

Talk to her? You know, the way that couples generally do if they're planning on staying together.

SpekySquarehead

Well of course, but in advance of that I was wondering if there was any ways of making this like a joint thing to do?

jackieblack

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

Well of course, but in advance of that I was wondering if there was any ways of making this like a joint thing to do?

You will only make this 'like a joint thing' by talking to her.
She's not a mind reader!
Rather than 'suggesting and encouraging' her, you could have just told her that you couldn't afford take-away at the moment.

Kaye1

Next time you know you have a big night out- think ahead and have something in the fridge ready.


So when you wake up hungry and hungover, you can just say- 'Oh, I've already got some casserole/lasagne/chicken etc' cooked in the fridge- let's just have this.'

kelpie35

I would be honest with her and let her know your financial situation has changed.

Honesty is the best policy.

Good luck

mai_taylor

It's not really about convincing her, you just need to tell her you can't afford it anymore. If she wants a take away next time she'll have to pay for it. If she's just with you for your money then she's not worth being with.

BigAunty

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

I just can’t keep up that lifestyle and I have a fear that she’ll think I’ve lead her on and got her used to this lifestyle just to win her over.

.

You seem overly anxious to be able to continue to impress her and be able to fulfill her expectations that you can support her.

You can only be yourself and spend according to your budget. This should be enough to sustain an authentic relationship.

All relationships settle down and they don't require expensive treats to keep them stoked.

Financial circumstances change - this is a reality that is nothing to apologise about. If she can't understand that you don't have the same level of disposable income as before, if she is expecting you to pay for the majority of expenses because she has debt from being reckless with money, that's her problem.

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

On the Sunday, she was a bit worse for wear and during the course of the day I spent £20 on ‘hangover food’. Despite suggesting and encouraging making an omelette or something, it had to be a take-away!

Push back - you can do this politely but firmly without hurting feelings. You are simply enabling her demands and stoking her expectations when you have to pay for something that she herself can't afford. This type of frustrating behaviour will lead to resentment.

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

How do I persuade her to join me in my quest to save?

Relationships routinely implode due to different attitudes to money.

You could gently guide her into dealing more effectively with her debts and spending habits but this might be a waste of time if she simply hasn't got the discipline or motivation to do anything about her situation (and particularly if she views you as a second source of income).

Don't be ashamed about your finances and don't think that relationships are about providing gifts and treats to the other, the need to 'impress'. It's about mutual respect and support. Mutual.

DSmiffy

You've been together for 6 months and she expects you to pay for takeaway, and not even offer half?
That's not very nice. it's the 21st century for god's sake, it is ok to expect her to go halves.

I have been with my partner for 5 years, we don't live together, we have our own houses. Neither of us are particularly well off. When we go out we have a kitty, we always have done.
Normally I will give him say £30 or maybe more depending on what the night out is, meal, pub, club etc.
I give it to him at the beginning of the night. I pay him and he pays for all the drinks all night, taxis whatever. In the morning I pay whatever I owe him on top of that, or if there is money left, he gives it me back or we save the kitty for next time.

I know I've paid my way, there is no way we could go out every week if only he paid, and quite frankly, why should he??
He pays if it's my birthday or wants to treat me now and then but essentially we split the cost.

You need to talk to your girlfriend and explain that finances are tight and suggest this method, if she thinks it's unfair, well then you will have your answer.

skattykatty

Maybe you have some 'fixed' views about relationships that require some flexibility. 'Should' people expect to be spoilt, by spending a lot of money, on their birthday? Really? Your expectations of how relationships work: wining, dining, spoiling of a woman, indicates that you HAVE been trying to win her over with liberal spending. So you've reached an impasse, which will, ultimately, test the strength of your relationship. You are trying to resolve this by hinting, encouraging, suggesting but at no time sitting down and being open about the situation. What does that mean for you both? Why do you hesitate about having the conversation that needs to be had? IF she's decided to stay with you for 6 months because you 'treated' her, then this is not a serious, long-term- relationship. I can understand your reluctance to have a conversation, because you don't want your worst fears realised. But it's better to find out whether or not this relationship has firm foundations now, rather than later.

KARO

Perhaps she thinks the OP has more money than he actually does have? He wants to know how to break it to her that he's not the rich man she might have thought he was, and he's scared that she might leave him once she realises.


I would just tell her about the change in your finances, and that you can't afford to buy things like you used to be able to.