Break up ended on good terms gone nasty

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

She's probably feeling hemmed in by your expectation to remain incredibly close. Were you truly inseparable? Or was she trapped by your constant need to be with her?


I had to cut off all contact with one of my exes because he was so controlling, I couldn't breathe unless I knew he was over a hundred miles away. And even then he'd bombard me with messages and calls. After we split up, he was no better and I am sure he has travelled up and lurked around on occasion. He still calls and messages occasionally, still demanding attention and meetings (where he would inevitably come up with some sad story where he was then stranded overnight and would have to stay at mine or sleep on my doorstep if I could 'just lend a quilt and pillow' - which ain't happening). I'm not replying to any of them, because the slightest reaction will mean he steps it up a hundredfold again and I can't handle another couple of years wondering what that noise is outside at 3am.

So you miss the dogs. Sorry, that's tough luck. They're property - if you want them, go to court and get an order for them when you sort out the house.

duchy

Maybe she did want to remain your friend but your expectation that kissing and sex apart nothing would change wasn't her idea of friendship and she had to go cold on you to fend you off and stop herself feeling trapped.

What is done is done however and all you can do is realize that close and suffocating aren't far apart and give her space to live the life she wants. If you truely love her then you'll want her to be happy -if you just don't want her to have someone else- that isn't love.

DandelionPatrol

Pollycat wrote: »

As someone who was on the receiving end of obsessive behaviour from an ex - including breaking into my house whilst I was out, disconnecting the phone, waiting in the spare bedroom and threatening me with a knife - I can understand and empathise with the OP's ex.

Fair enough to warn OP not to become like your ex, but judging from your earlier post, it seems that you have made up your mind that he already is like your ex:

Pollycat wrote: »

Any 'instability' she has may be as a result of the OP's behaviour to her.

Given your own context, I think that post is a bit out of order and unfair to OP

Pollycat

DandelionPatrol wrote: »

Fair enough to warn OP not to become like your ex, but judging from your earlier post, it seems that you have made up your mind that he already is like your ex:

I've not made my mind up that the OP is in any way like my ex.
I've put forward possible reasons why she may be acting like she is based on acknowledgements from the OP about his behaviour towards her.

DandelionPatrol wrote: »

Given your own context, I think that post is a bit out of order and unfair to OP

Below is my post that you quoted:

Pollycat wrote: »

Any 'instability' she has may be as a result of the OP's behaviour to her.

Please note my use of the word 'may'.

And that post was in direct response to Marisco's post saying that the OP's ex sounded 'unstable'.

I don't think I've been unfair to the OP.
He has said

surf45 wrote: »

We both tried to be friends. However it didn't work out as we kept arguing about things all the time. I expected to much from her. I expected us to be as close as we were however without the kissing, sex etc. I did become quite obsessive, however I knew I should have left her alone.

justme111

You did not have a break up. Break up is when people don't argue , don't go to each other houses and don't follow what the other said.