Break up ended on good terms gone nasty

surf45

Hi, I was in a relationship with my ex for 9 years, from the age of 16. We had a wonderful relationship, completely inseparable, we idolised each other. Not long after we got married a bombshell was dropped and she ended it with me. At first I was in utter shock, denial, confused, crazy. As time went on I understood why she ended it with me. She wanted to live life and learn how to be herself on my own. As time went on I realised she made the right decision for both of us.


We both tried to be friends. However it didn't work out as we kept arguing about things all the time. I expected to much from her. I expected us to be as close as we were however without the kissing, sex etc. I did become quite obsessive, however I knew I should have left her alone.


I started moving on, becoming happy and strong. We have a home together with dogs. I wanted to see my dogs and when I went over, she would attack me with hurtful things. Make me feel extremely small. A wall has gone up with her that I cant break down. She has gone completely and utterly cold to me. She has stabbed me in the back with friends, done everything she can to ruin me. She has told me that she loves me so much that she cant be my friend, she has said she hates me, she has said she cant stand the site of me, she's scared of me, scared that I will take her home away (which is also mine). she said she wants to push me away. I'm just confused, and I am now scared of her. I know I have to leave and not speak to her again but I miss my dogs. I'm even to scared to fight for my house. Why is she so angry at me? What have I done? HELP!

DKLS

Leave her be, the friends thing rarely works, get a solicitor and move on.

fuzzyduck22

How long has it been?

FBaby

We can't tell you what has gone wrong, however, it sounds like the early you get a clean break, the less likely you will end up in trouble. I am gathering you don't have kids together, so there is not reason why the house shouldn't be sold. She can either buy you out, or you put in on the market.

As for the dogs, it is sad, but ultimately, they are not kids and you don't have the same rights towards visits as you would with kids. Once again, you are better off moving on.

I know it is hard to do so when she was your first love but there is probably too much emotions and attachment to make it a friendship. Maybe with time, when both of you have truly moved on, you'll be able to rekindle some sort of friendship without all the emotional baggage, but if it happens, it will be by chance and naturally.

If I could hazard a guess, she is angry because she knows you are hanging on, and doing so is making it hard for her to do what prompted her to end the relationship, moving on with her life.

surf45

Thank you guys. I am really struggling. All this has happened in the last couple of months. I really think she might be seeing one of my close friends. Do you think she could be angry with me out of guilt?

DKLS

surf45 wrote: »

Thank you guys. I am really struggling. All this has happened in the last couple of months. I really think she might be seeing one of my close friends. Do you think she could be angry with me out of guilt?

Does it really matter any more, stop beating yourself up, cut the ties and set her free and move on with your life. So what if she has found someone else to play hide the sausage with, shame if its a mate though as you will probably lose him as well.

Get a plan together to get out, sort the financials, sort the house, wave goodbye to the dags and move on.

Pixie5740

Perhaps it was your obsessive behaviour that's the source of her anger. Who knows?

She doesn't want to be with you any more, for whatever reason. You may not ever get to the bottom of it. Just focus on the things you can control such as going to see a solicitor and finding out about your rights regarding the house and starting divorce proceedings.

She doesn't appear to want to be your friend and with it only being a couple of months it must still be pretty raw for you too. Best to make a clean as break as possible and get on with your life.

Pollycat

surf45 wrote: »

Why is she so angry at me? What have I done? HELP!

You may have answered your question in your original post:

surf45 wrote: »

I expected to much from her. I expected us to be as close as we were however without the kissing, sex etc. I did become quite obsessive, however I knew I should have left her alone.

If my ex had become obsessive, I think I too may have reacted the same as your ex.

I think you need to look to the future, accept it's over and start sorting out your joint affairs, including the house and any joint debts.

Kynthia

It's only been 2 months which is no time at all. You can't be friends until you are both over each other and that will take months or even years. So leave her alone and work on recovering from the breakup. Go out with friends, talk to family, cry and look after yourself emotionally. Only talk to her very rarely, or perhaps just write, with things that need to be sorted like money, house, joint accounts, etc.

pinkshoes

Just come up with a custody plan over the dogs and get a friend to collect them when you are allowed to see them.

Cut all ties with her, don't see her, and move on.

ciderwithrosie_2

It's hard to accept after being together since you were so young, but people generally change a heck of a lot from their teens to their 20's and may discover they want something completely different to what they thought at 16. Also it's never a good idea, as you're finding out, to be 'inseparable' - as when it goes t**s up your sole support/company/focus has gone in one fell swoop.

No need to be confused, give your ex some space and move (bravely) onwards, and learn from this for any other relationships you may have.