Break up ended on good terms gone nasty

Guest101

And get rid of the house asap.

bundly

Just my 2p.... I agree with everyone who has replied.

You MUST get away from her. Leave her alone. The more needy and obsessive you appear, the more she will run away.

Pull yourself together. Look happy. Contact with her ONLY about business matters. Never mention your feelings. It's time to shut them down in her presence and make her see you don't need her... you are moving on.

You may have lost her love and there is NOTHING you can do about that. But the way you are carrying on you will also lose her respect.

sheramber

When friends split up the husband took one dog and the wife kept the other but with the arrangement that she would have him at times. She had raised and trained him from a puppy and felt entitled to some time with him.

Primrose

I know how much it must hurt. I think you need to tell her you realise how obsessive you havebeen towards her and that however yiur future relations are with her over sorting out your your mutual affairs, you will give her the space she wants to move her life forward.

She may or may not recognise that in this you are trying to grow up.
Recognise that perhaps things between you have probably changed irrevocably. However hard it is, try to behave in a grown up way with her. You have both developed more emotionally since you were first together and perhaps it is is time for your lives to diverge. If so, be grateful for what you have taught each other. The dogs may or may not allow you to atay in touch. However hard it is, rein back on your emotions in this respect if you can and try to sort the issue out on a hands off basis. She will be less angry and threatened if she's not having to fight her corner in this respect on every occasion. It probably won't save your relationship but may help you to move on in a less distressed frame of mind.

marisco_2

Contact a solicitor as soon as possible to sort out the financial side of your break up. Only have contact with her via them. Decide to completely walk away beyond that and don't look back. She sounds unstable and capable of causing you a whole load of grief.

Pollycat

marisco wrote: »

Contact a solicitor as soon as possible to sort out the financial side of your break up. Only have contact with her via them. Decide to completely walk away beyond that and don't look back. She sounds unstable and capable of causing you a whole load of grief.

Any 'instability' she has may be as a result of the OP's behaviour to her.

Primrose

Too late for this relationship perhaps but for next time try to handle things on the basis that a canary in a cage with a continually open door will think of its cage as a safe refuge and a welcome place to come home to. A canary in a cage with the door continually shut or closely controlled will think of its cage as a prison.

Part of helping relationships to thrive, especially when they have been formed from an early age, is learning how to allow people to grow outwards and expand their vision and aspirations without them feeling trapped, controlled or emotionally suffocated . That can feel threatening if one party feels insecure but when one party starts to feel the dog chain pulling ever closer round their neck, the more desperately they will fight to be free of it. This is probably is what has triggered your ex Wife's changed reaction to you. I found myself in pretty identical circumstances many years ago, and the more possessive and obsessive my boyfriend's behaviour became, the more aggressively I found my own responses becoming. In the end, being nasty seems to be the only way of getting the "back off" message through.

It's hard lesson to learn but learning it may help you to handle a future relationship in a less obsessive way. Good luck and remember that the majority of your life is still before you. There will be other loves and in time the hurt will fade as new doors open.

And just a thought...can you not get another new dog of your own? It seems to me you need something new and positive to focus on.

Pollycat

Primrose wrote: »

Too late for this relationship perhaps but for next time try to handle things on the basis that a canary in a cage with a continually open door will think of its cage as a safe refuge and a welcome place to come home to. A canary in a cage with the door continually shut or closely controlled will think of its cage as a prison.

Wonderful! :T

marisco_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Any 'instability' she has may be as a result of the OP's behaviour to her.

Perhaps, perhaps not. A grown woman should be able to handle herself and put a fast block on any conduct that makes her feel uneasy. Her emotions seem to be all over the place and it is her responsibility alone to decide how she chooses to react to someone.

Pollycat

marisco wrote: »

Perhaps, perhaps not. A grown woman should be able to handle herself and put a fast block on any conduct that makes her feel uneasy. Her emotions seem to be all over the place and it is her responsibility alone to decide how she chooses to react to someone.

Maybe a grown woman should be able to handle herself but I disagree that every grown woman can handle herself.

Lots of grown women have been victims of domestic violence (I'm not for one minute suggesting that the OP has been violent).

Lots of people you would never suspect are victims.

As someone who was on the receiving end of obsessive behaviour from an ex - including breaking into my house whilst I was out, disconnecting the phone, waiting in the spare bedroom and threatening me with a knife - I can understand and empathise with the OP's ex.