Under pressure from my ex.

thorsoak

Of course, it may well be that your ex is somewhat jealous of the fact that you ARE still single and could go out with as many women as you wish, when you wish - apart from when you see your daughter.

She may be regretting that she settled into another relationship so soon, and if you were to "settle down" as she has put it, then she wouldn't feel jealous!

geerex

Never ever trust Catwoman. You'd be better off with robin.

FBaby

Batman_100 wrote: »

I will also try and explain to my daughter that things will take time and that whilst I will be thinking of her needs when choosing a potential partner, she should be open minded about what sort of person her new step mum might be.

Surely that's not how you are going to discuss things with your daughter? She's 5 not 15! Doesn't she even still believe in father Christmas!

Batman_100

FBaby wrote: »

Surely that's not how you are going to discuss things with your daughter? She's 5 not 15! Doesn't she even still believe in father Christmas!

I'm trying to get her to understand what might happen and not to build her hopes up. Can't see anything wrong with that. And what's Father Christmas got to do with it?

Lets_say

Batman_100 wrote: »

She doesn't think it's healthy for her daughter to effectively be part of a single parent family when she's with me and that I need to start dating again and think about settling down.

Yet, given your previous theads, your ex seems to think it's perfectly healthy to let her daughter believe you are her biological Dad, which you aren't.

I wouldn't take relationship advice from your ex if she was the last person on the planet.

Are they all still living in that overcrowded bedroom and has the new baby been born yet?

Batman_100

Lets_say wrote: »

Yet, given your previous theads, your ex seems to think it's perfectly healthy to let her daughter believe you are her biological Dad, which you aren't.

I wouldn't take relationship advice from your ex if she was the last person on the planet.

Are they all still living in that overcrowded bedroom and has the new baby been born yet?

Just to give an update she now knows I'm not her biological father. We sat her down and showed some old photos of her real dad and explained who he is, why he left, why it's very unlikely she'll ever get to meet him and why I've decided to take on the role of being her dad. She took it rather well and gave both of us a hug atvtge end of what was a very emotional experience for everyone involved.

My ex is now a week over due so the baby will be here any day now.

And they've moved out of his parents house now. A family friend who's got connections in the local housing market sorted out a rented house for them. But they left it very much to the last minute and moved in over a weekend when she was 38 weeks pregnant!

FBaby

Batman_100 wrote: »

I'm trying to get her to understand what might happen and not to build her hopes up. Can't see anything wrong with that. And what's Father Christmas got to do with it?

What's wrong with that is that she is entitled to dream, if that is what she is really doing (most likely, she hardly ever think about it).

You say that you are not likely to settle quickly, well give it a few years, when she hits the stage of 'daddy is mine and only mine' and she might feel very different anyway, regardless of how she feels at 5.

Also, why assuming that she is building her hopes up? Surely you will want to a girlfriend who will respect you as a father and welcome your daughter in her life? Why would you think that might not happen?

I think you are thinking it too much, or maybe it is more about your ex wife than your daughter.

Batman_100

FBaby wrote: »

What's wrong with that is that she is entitled to dream, if that is what she is really doing (most likely, she hardly ever think about it).

You say that you are not likely to settle quickly, well give it a few years, when she hits the stage of 'daddy is mine and only mine' and she might feel very different anyway, regardless of how she feels at 5.

Also, why assuming that she is building her hopes up? Surely you will want to a girlfriend who will respect you as a father and welcome your daughter in her life? Why would you think that might not happen?

I think you are thinking it too much, or maybe it is more about your ex wife than your daughter.

At the moment I think she thinks that somebody will walk into her life straight away and everything will be perfect when in reality they're going to have to work on building a bond.

FBaby

But she is much too young to understand the notion of 'building a bond'. If your DD is like most 5 years old, she believes in the beautiful rich fairy who will soon come to leave a pound under her pillow.

One day she'll discover that there is no such thing and will get through the trauma of reality. I don't mean to be patronising (as I appreciate I might come across as such) but I really don't understand why you are anxious about your DD fairytale view of her future step-mum. It's a natural process for children, just like many imagine their first teacher to be a beautiful wonderful young kind lady, then are disappointed to get a wrinkly strict teacher but most adjust just fine and learn to get to know and like the teacher just fine.

BigAunty

So she's burned through 2 biological fathers and a step-father in what, 6/7 years?

And has ordered you to buck up your ideas when it comes to relationships?!