fed up of this never-ending struggle

HairyHandofDartmoor

I'm really pleased that you are feeling a bit better. What a lovely day out your daughter will have.

Children definitely cause a big guilt factor but I really do believe that what they value most is your time and attention, and not 'things' or 'days out'.

I took my three to the park yesterday and we picked blackberries and came home and ate them, and had a really lovely time, and it cost nothing. I think memories like that will be really important to all of us in years to come.

It's great that you are getting some counselling, I'm sure that will help.

We all have our down days where we feel we will be in debt forever, and depriving our children forever, but things do get better. Your financial situation will probably improve in the future, so you will be out of debt sooner than you think. Don't give up, you are doing really well.

auntymabel

Well done for sticking with it especially as you`re suffering from depression so you`re doing brilliantly - I`m sure things will get better for you. Just a thought - could your daughter start a thread for DFW kids? Then she would have a group of friends in the same position and wouldn`t feel she was the only one. Unless there's an age limit for posters. Does anyone know?

SUESMITH_2

i know exactly how you feel - we have lived like you for about 7 years now, our kids are very aware and never ask for anything - sometimes its so hard, even on holiday (caravan club cls, few quid a night) we dont really "do" ice creams etc. all i want to do sometimes is go mad and spend like normal people do. my inlaws are very generous with the kids and give then pocket money which they save and buy things that really we should buy for them but can't afford. i'm just about to start councelling because i can see no light at the end of the tunnel. our dd and ds are wonderful and understand the value of things which a lot of kids don't seem to anymore. by the time ours is paid off i/we will either be dead or too old to enjoy it lol.

Dumb_Blonde_3

You say that you feel like the one holding you all back - but your not - you are the one who is holding it all together !!!!!!

All the best - I like everyones idea regarding getting a paperound with your daughter !!!!!

dubgirl

Hi MJ, just wanted to say that you are not alone. As you can see from my signature, I have over 40K to pay and I think by the time I have paid it off I will be in my 80's unless I either win the lottery or find a long lost relative has left me a hugh inheritance, neither of which are very likely. Like me you are in it for the long haul and I totally understand about the days when you feel like giving up - I experience that too. Good luck with the counselling session.

EmptyPockets

Hello mojo-jojo,

I also just wanted to add that you are not alone in how you feel. I suffer with anxiety myself and do not work. The thought of going out and getting a job, meeting people, interacting with strangers, just fills me with panic and dread. And so I am a housewife, and I try to be the best wife a husband can have, as I feel incredibly guilty everyday. Like you said, I also feel like it is me who is holding us back financially, although my hubby is wonderful and caring and supportive, and he says he is happy for me to stay at home. I take care of all things in the home, while he goes to work, and luckily that works well for both of us, although it does not stop me feeling guilty.

There are a few things I do to try and bring in a bit of extra 'spending money' for us - I am an Avon rep, I only do family, but what I earn on their orders is enough to pay for our shower gels, deoderants, my cosmetics, and it also comes in really handy for getting christmas and birthday pressies for 'nothing' or really cheaply. I also write short stories and enter them into competitions, most offer cash prizes... if that interests you, there is a thread on here started recently with lots of others who are giving it a go.

Best wishes to you and everyone else here,

EP x

firesidemaid

we had no money when we were kids -and i never felt that we suffered at all.

we spent time at jumble sales (no longer) -now car boots - and charity shops, walked everywhere, picked blackberries etc, and i loved it, it was all i knew.

i know now society is different and kids expectations are different.

the blackberries are out now and yummy! have you tried making your own jam? what about making your own cheap biscuits/cakes with your daughter?

you can sometimes get quite new kids mags cheaply from car boots and charity shops. look for free film screenings/previews (www.hotukdeals.co.uk is another similar/good site to this one - listing bargains only).

have you thought about listing a more current soa, just to make sure the good folks here can't help further? although it does sound like you have got it done to a fine art.

take care for now x

Rain_is_Insane

Well done for actually having the "brass ones" to face up to your debts and try and sort them out. My son is 13 and is an avid MSE'r. Like you my OH doesn't notice the difference much as he still has petrol money, dinner money etc. He doesn't smoke or drink and would rather play on his xbox than go out to the pub (thank god) This summer my DS and I have been out strawberry picking for a local farm, we take our payment in farm goods and it saves us a bit of money that way plus we get to spend the day out in the sun just talking to each other and telling jokes (although now he's a little older his jokes are getting ruder by the day!!!!) The paper round one is a good idea too, except sometimes there is a long waiting list. My son has had his name down at 4 paper shops now for about 6 months and still heard nothing . However, he does run the hoover round the house for his nan twice a week and clean her back garden of leaves and she pays him £5 a week. Is there any member of the family that would pay your daughter to do things like that for them? (of course my mum immediately goes round and does it again herself after he's gone, men were never the best at hoovering, but she understands we are struggling and has decided this is the best way to teach him value for money) We are quite lucky that our local library hires out games for the xbox, they also have the latest copies of the kids weekly magazines. Maybe you could enquire for your daughter? that way she gets to keep up on the latest fashion, pop stars etc, without you having to pay for it. Just remember that now you have started...there MUST be light at the end of the tunnel....nothing lasts forever. Good luck and keep us updated...even if you just want to rant and rave about the price of a loaf. I'm sure we'll all join in !!

teacup_2

Have you thought about becoming a host family, it pays £100 a week , they are at school all day. I put my children in a room together to free up a bedroom )You can get long term ones I have one coming forom sept _ to December .

scubaleopard

:A Just a hug