Family Fallout. Advice required

duchy

FBaby wrote: »

I probably would feel a bit guilty that if it wasn't for my choice of boyfriend, it probably wouldn't have happened though.

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How ridiculous

For all we know this isn't an isolated incident and the Mother has always checked up on new boyfriends as well as other people her family are friends with. What are the odds of this being an isolated incident ? Probably nil.

Why should the daughter feel guilty because her month made a deliberate choice to snoop -by your logic she should feel guilty about having any friends .

The mother chose to break the law. Should Fran feel guilty for having a rich boyfriend if her mother then chose to steal from him ....or should she expect her mother to behave decently and within the law when she introduces her friends to her ?

burnoutbabe

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't see why he should have discussed it with Fran beforehand either, especially if he thought she would try to talk him out of reporting it, but he should have told her once it was done so that she heard it from him and not her Mum.

But why? as the victim, one would not assume the person would be told exactly who complained. And it may have just resulted in an apology or "it was an innocent mistake and all resolved"

So not sure why you'd tell beforehand? and then Fran would know before betty got called in and worry about telling her or not. What good would that do?

pinkshoes

Guest101 wrote: »

So he should get the GFs permission?! Ridiculous.

Huh?? Where did I write that he needs to ask his GF's permission???

I said as she is his GF, he should DISCUSS it with her. I certainly do not need my husband's permission to do something, but as we are a couple, we would discuss something like this. it is what you do when you are in a relationship.

If my DH had been upset by such a thing, I would be really offended if he didn't come to me to discuss it before reacting.

DUTR - again you are not reading my post properly. No where did I say he shouldnt report it. I said he SHOULD.

Guest101

pinkshoes wrote: »

Huh?? Where did I write that he needs to ask his GF's permission???

I said as she is his GF, he should DISCUSS it with her. I certainly do not need my husband's permission to do something, but as we are a couple, we would discuss something like this. it is what you do when you are in a relationship.

If my DH had been upset by such a thing, I would be really offended if he didn't come to me to discuss it before reacting.

DUTR - again you are not reading my post properly. No where did I say he shouldnt report it. I said he SHOULD.

For what reason would you be upset?

DUTR

pinkshoes wrote: »

Huh?? Where did I write that he needs to ask his GF's permission???

I said as she is his GF, he should DISCUSS it with her. I certainly do not need my husband's permission to do something, but as we are a couple, we would discuss something like this. it is what you do when you are in a relationship.

If my DH had been upset by such a thing, I would be really offended if he didn't come to me to discuss it before reacting.

DUTR - again you are not reading my post properly. No where did I say he shouldnt report it. I said he SHOULD.

No you perhaps didn't say he needed his GF's permission, although you did strongly imply that he should have discussed it with his GF before reporting it, that is where some disagree .
Perhaps you could explain what is the purpose of doing that? His privacy has been violated (it doesn't matter by whom) , I don't see what there is to be achieved by discussing it 1st or at all.

Pollycat

pinkshoes wrote: »

Huh?? Where did I write that he needs to ask his GF's permission???

I said as she is his GF, he should DISCUSS it with her. I certainly do not need my husband's permission to do something, but as we are a couple, we would discuss something like this. it is what you do when you are in a relationship.

If my DH had been upset by such a thing, I would be really offended if he didn't come to me to discuss it before reacting.

DUTR - again you are not reading my post properly. No where did I say he shouldnt report it. I said he SHOULD.

How long have you & your husband been in a relationship?

The OP's friend and 'Mick' have only been together for 3 months and in that time have found out that they are going to be parents.

Maybe they haven't worked out the dynamics of a very new relationship out yet.

FBaby

duchy wrote: »

Why should the daughter feel guilty because her month made a deliberate choice to snoop -by your logic she should feel guilty about having any friends

I never said she SHOULD feel guilty, I said that if I were her I would. I would know that I shouldn't, but knowing that my mum was to lose her job (and all that goes with it), which she wouldn't have if it wasn't for my involvement, I would struggle not to feel some element of guilt.

Vikipollard

pinkshoes wrote: »

Huh?? Where did I write that he needs to ask his GF's permission???

I said as she is his GF, he should DISCUSS it with her. I certainly do not need my husband's permission to do something, but as we are a couple, we would discuss something like this. it is what you do when you are in a relationship.

If my DH had been upset by such a thing, I would be really offended if he didn't come to me to discuss it before reacting.

DUTR - again you are not reading my post properly. No where did I say he shouldnt report it. I said he SHOULD.

Why on earth does he need to come to you to discuss it before reacting? He's the aggrieved, not you.

I can understand you being upset if he didn't discuss it with you at all, but not for simply taking appropriate action at the time and telling you after.