Family Fallout. Advice required

PurpleGoldFish86

Morning all

First time poster, long time reader.

My bestie (let's call her Fran) has a major headache and between us we're at a point where we don't know what to do, she's torn due to family situation and I don't know how to advise.

So, she's been with a guy (let's call him Mick) for about 3 months and is now 2 months pregnant (yes, she knows! But what's done is done), for the time being theres only Fran, Mick, Me and Mick's mum that knows. That's the set up...

Now the dilemma...

Fran's mam (let's call her Betty) (who doesn't know about baby) works for a health organisation and Mick thought that Betty had accessed his medical records due to something she'd said, so he reported her to the health authorities without discussing it with Fran. This was 4 weeks ago.

Last night Betty calls Fran to her house to have a chat. The health authority has had an investigation and Betty is to have a meeting with them in a few days due to Mick's complaint (she knows it was Mick, health authorities told her).

Now, Fran is upset that Mick might have gotten her mum the sack, just before she's due to retire, Betty says they can also refuse her pension if sacked for gross misconduct.

In all honesty, Betty probably did loom at medical files, she just seems to nosey for her own good, but, that's not the issue. Fran is stuck between a fella that went behind her back to lodge a formal complain against her mum and a mum that's devastated that's she's about to lose her job and possibily her pension. Plus there's still the job of telling Betty Mick is the father to her first grandchild.

What's Fran do?

DUTR

Several issues going on, Gross Misconduct is just that, there is no exception of abusing one's private records.
The guy is not wrong for reporting the abuse and unauthorised release of his private medical records data , I'm sure he would have reported anybody doing so.
The Mum won't lose her pension up to the date she has contributed.

PurpleGoldFish86

Absolutely agree with the above, Fran's mum was bang out of order.

Fran's feeling stuck in the middle though, she's going to need her mum more than ever, but mum now hates BF and there's a baby on the way. It's caused a massive rift that currently feels irreparable and Fran's feeling guilty for the situation. We also wonder whether Betty thinks Fran knew about it.

DUTR

PurpleGoldFish86 wrote: »

Absolutely agree with the above, Fran's mum was bang out of order.

Fran's feeling stuck in the middle though, she's going to need her mum more than ever, but mum now hates BF and there's a baby on the way. It's caused a massive rift that currently feels irreparable and Fran's feeling guilty for the situation. We also wonder whether Betty thinks Fran knew about it.

Many people have brought up family without the help of parents, so your friend won't be the 1st or the last if she follows that path, theoretically the friend and BF is going to out survive the Mum, and interfering parent is not always the best option to have around.
On the whole we do not operate an arranged relationship policy, so if Mum doesn't like the BF tough luck! If it wasn't one issue with him then it would be another, if Mum likes a partner then that's a bonus but it is not to be expected.

euronorris

Fran isn't responsible for either her mum's or her boyfriends actions. So her guilt is misplaced.

She should speak to her fella though and explain how upset she is that he didn't tell her he was going to do it. And tell her mum that she's pregnant. If she covers that up any longer, it will cause more problems in their relationship.

I'd steer clear of the snooping issue until it has been confirmed, one way or another. If the company finds no evidence of snooping, yet she accuses her mum of it, she'll have a very hard time trying to repair that relationship.

Guest101

PurpleGoldFish86 wrote: »

Morning all

First time poster, long time reader.

My bestie (let's call her Fran) has a major headache and between us we're at a point where we don't know what to do, she's torn due to family situation and I don't know how to advise.

So, she's been with a guy (let's call him Mick) for about 3 months and is now 2 months pregnant (yes, she knows! But what's done is done), for the time being theres only Fran, Mick, Me and Mick's mum that knows. That's the set up...

Now the dilemma...

Fran's mam (let's call her Betty) (who doesn't know about baby) works for a health organisation and Mick thought that Betty had accessed his medical records due to something she'd said, so he reported her to the health authorities without discussing it with Fran. This was 4 weeks ago.

Last night Betty calls Fran to her house to have a chat. The health authority has had an investigation and Betty is to have a meeting with them in a few days due to Mick's complaint (she knows it was Mick, health authorities told her).

Now, Fran is upset that Mick might have gotten her mum the sack, just before she's due to retire, Betty says they can also refuse her pension if sacked for gross misconduct.

In all honesty, Betty probably did loom at medical files, she just seems to nosey for her own good, but, that's not the issue. Fran is stuck between a fella that went behind her back to lodge a formal complain against her mum and a mum that's devastated that's she's about to lose her job and possibily her pension. Plus there's still the job of telling Betty Mick is the father to her first grandchild.

What's Fran do?

In all honesty, Betty probably did loom at medical files, she just seems to nosey for her own good, but, that's not the issue

That is completely the issue. She caused her own downfall. Mick was right to complain.

Fran needs to do what's best for her child.

HOWEVER: This is all quite redundant, because it cant be true. No manager would tell their employee who complained, especially in a complaint about access to data.

Mojisola

PurpleGoldFish86 wrote: »

The health authority has had an investigation and Betty is to have a meeting with them in a few days due to Mick's complaint (she knows it was Mick, health authorities told her).

Guest101 wrote: »

HOWEVER: This is all quite redundant, because it cant be true. No manager would tell their employee who complained, especially in a complaint about access to data.

I find it hard to believe that her manager would tell her who had complained - if the management is that useless, it's no wonder Betty thought she could get away with snooping!

PurpleGoldFish86

Management have told her it was him, that's why she called Fran to her last night. They'd given her his full name

LilElvis

PurpleGoldFish86 wrote: »

Management have told her it was him, that's why she called Fran to her last night. They'd given her his full name

Then "Mick" should lodge a complaint against "Betty's" manager.

summerspring

If there is an investigation into unauthorised accessing of a patient's records, then it will be clear who has reported her, surely, once they tell her whose records they were. Or am I missing something?

But as regards the dilemma, Fran doesn't need to let anyone know about the pregnancy yet if she doesn't want to. She won't have even had her 12 week scan yet, I presume. And many people don't announce their pregnancy until later on.

2nd thing to consider: if the relationship's only been going for 3 months, this Mick may or may not be around long term, who knows. It might work out it might not, but the pressure of a baby and sleepless nights can test even the strongest of relationships. I wouldn't be surprised if he walks.

If Fran usually has a good relationship with her mum, I'd keep schtum for the time being if I were her.

LannieDuck

I work with patient data. Betty would have been aware of the rules around accessing it, and (depending on the systems she uses) it'll probably be very easy to prove that she did.

The question will be whether she had a bona fide reason to access Mick's record. In order to answer that, she would have to know which record was in question. Maybe her manager could answer on her behalf to some extent, but if Betty's job is at risk (which it almost certainly is) I think the investigators probably had to give her the opportunity to explain herself fully, and in that circumstance I can't see any way around her being told his name