*Change of plan - and maybe some good news!*

Snaggles

spud30 wrote: »

I just mentioned pounding - that surely passes as money related :rotfl: :rotfl:

:T :T :T :T

elantan

z i am sitting here trying not to laugh hubby is looking at me wondering what the look on my face is all about

spud30

elantan wrote: »

z i am sitting here trying not to laugh hubby is looking at me wondering what the look on my face is all about

My hubby just went to work :T :rotfl:

ZTD

Snaggles wrote: »

Errrr.....no.

Oh? You prefer them to melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

Snaggles wrote: »

That's probably why I am currently separated. :rolleyes:

Only temporarily - while things are straightened out.

Toto

Hon, I'm speaking from experience here and you might relate to some of it. When we were going through the diagnosis stage with Amber it was obviously a pretty stressful time. So, I focused hard on researching every possible diagnosis, organising therapy sessions, reading research papers, joining organisations and generally throwing myself into understanding her. This was all before we got an actual diagnosis. She became my job in a way, protecting her, exercising her rights, making sure that things were done properly and that she got the attention she deserved from the health service, education service and social services.

When we got the diagnosis, I was fine with it, I was happy to have the labels because that meant I could focus properly on her specific problems.

Her father on the other hand didn't cope at all. He seemed to have no interest in her at all, he became distant, had an affair (with my (at the time) best friend) he couldn't stand to be around any of us. It seemed as if we were taking strides in opposite directions. Of course we broke up; I flippin couldn't stand the sight of him by the time he actually sodded off.

But, even though I still would enjoy seeing him dismembered I do understand it all a little better. Not because Satans @rsehole has explained it, but from talking it through with so many people who have been through this kind of thing.

Men are fixers, but Stu can't fix Ryan, part of him possibly doesn't even understand him or what's going on. No doubt he is also worrying about Natasha and if she'll be ok too... after all Ryan seemed ok didn't he. So he thinks, ok, my job is to provide for the family, go to work, earn the money, that'll be my role. Only, for the second time in 6 months I'm going to be unemployed. But, I'm not very good at the job getting thing, snaggles is so much better than me at that. Crap, so I'm not as good as her at any of this am I? She's such a good mum, she's great at organising the money, she can hold a job... she can get a job without my help....aagghh.

So he withdraws.

If I remember rightly the last time you guys went through a rough patch it was all related to Stu and his job loss, Natasha was just born and he felt totally unable to deal with it all. Didn't he withdraw from you then too? I'm sure I'm seeing a pattern here.

I might be totally talking out of my bottom but do remember, even if it doesn't seem stressful, getting a diagnosis is hard. Suddenly you have to face the fact that this little guy will need you forever. I will always be a full time mum to amber, she will never leave home, and she won't get married or have a career. This is lifelong and even now, 9 years on from getting the labels, sometimes it hits me like a thunderbolt that my baby doesn't have choices or the freedom to do so many things we all take for granted.

So, my little bit of advice is, take some time out, be angry, yell, cry, do what you need to do. But keep loving each other even if you don't like each other enough to be in the same room. Because you will get through all of this and you will then have a really solid foundation to plan stage 2 of your lives together.

ZTD

elantan wrote: »

z i am sitting here trying not to laugh hubby is looking at me wondering what the look on my face is all about

Oh Gorgeous - is that you mentioning "sitting" and "face" in the same sentence?

ginormousflares

spud30 wrote: »

My hubby just went to work :T :rotfl:

Right, I'm on mi way round

Bunnyinthelights

Toto.
Wonderful post babe
xxx

I wish I could as coherant however the Merlot does not allow

ginormousflares

Hey Toto, beautiful post absolutely !!!! on. Maybe he feels responsible and finds it hard to level with that?

spud30

ginormousflares wrote: »

Right, I'm on mi way round

They key is in its usual place hun