We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
The Forum now has a brand new text editor, adding a bunch of handy features to use when creating posts. Read more in our how-to guide
Mother is going to leave a 40 year marriage with nothing
Trek_girl
Posts: 77 Forumite
My parents are getting divorced after being separated for about 10 years. My mother moved out from the family home about 10 years ago and got a mortgage on a modest 1 bed place (in England) and is paying it off. She still works and is coming up to 65.
My father has a new partner and a baby with her and my parents have now announced they are getting divorced, presumably so he can remarry.
20 years ago my mum and dad bought a 7 bedroom house together abroad where he still lives. He is now very respected in his career, he gets invited abroad to speak at seminars and give talks. He has a fancy car, and has a few investment properties tied up in other business ventures. He does not respect her contribution at all and is of the mind that 'I did this, this is MY money, I'm trading you in for a newer model.'
They got married after my dad finished university, and she had just trained as a nurse. For twenty years she was a housewife or working part time when we were at school and supported his career and family. He advanced in his career partly due to being a 'family man'.
The problem is the culture does not much value a woman's contribution, and unless it is hard cash other 'contributions' are not really considered.
He has asked her to sign divorce papers basically signing away all her rights to everything they have in common. She is pretty much going along with it.:mad:
She is like 'oh well, I have my 1 bed house here and that will do for me. She can't afford a lawyer abroad and I can't afford to fund it for her either.
I don't know what to do and am very angry.
My father has a new partner and a baby with her and my parents have now announced they are getting divorced, presumably so he can remarry.
20 years ago my mum and dad bought a 7 bedroom house together abroad where he still lives. He is now very respected in his career, he gets invited abroad to speak at seminars and give talks. He has a fancy car, and has a few investment properties tied up in other business ventures. He does not respect her contribution at all and is of the mind that 'I did this, this is MY money, I'm trading you in for a newer model.'
They got married after my dad finished university, and she had just trained as a nurse. For twenty years she was a housewife or working part time when we were at school and supported his career and family. He advanced in his career partly due to being a 'family man'.
The problem is the culture does not much value a woman's contribution, and unless it is hard cash other 'contributions' are not really considered.
He has asked her to sign divorce papers basically signing away all her rights to everything they have in common. She is pretty much going along with it.:mad:
She is like 'oh well, I have my 1 bed house here and that will do for me. She can't afford a lawyer abroad and I can't afford to fund it for her either.
I don't know what to do and am very angry.
0
Comments
-
My parents are getting divorced after being separated for about 10 years. My mother moved out from the family home about 10 years ago and got a mortgage on a modest 1 bed place (in England) and is paying it off. She still works and is coming up to 65.
My father has a new partner and a baby with her and my parents have now announced they are getting divorced, presumably so he can remarry.
20 years ago my mum and dad bought a 7 bedroom house together abroad where he still lives. He is now very respected in his career, he gets invited abroad to speak at seminars and give talks. He has a fancy car, and has a few investment properties tied up in other business ventures. He does not respect her contribution at all and is of the mind that 'I did this, this is MY money, I'm trading you in for a newer model.'
They got married after my dad finished university, and she had just trained as a nurse. For twenty years she was a housewife or working part time when we were at school and supported his career and family. He advanced in his career partly due to being a 'family man'.
The problem is the culture does not much value a woman's contribution, and unless it is hard cash other 'contributions' are not really considered.
He has asked her to sign divorce papers basically signing away all her rights to everything they have in common. She is pretty much going along with it.:mad:
She is like 'oh well, I have my 1 bed house here and that will do for me. She can't afford a lawyer abroad and I can't afford to fund it for her either.
I don't know what to do and am very angry.
What culture is this?0 -
The problem is the culture does not much value a woman's contribution, and unless it is hard cash other 'contributions' are not really considered.
Your culture might not value a wife's contribution but the law does.
Look at what she stands to lose - she can't afford not to talk a solicitor.0 -
burlington6 wrote: »What culture is this?
I don't want to specify so as not to identify them, but it is Southern African.0 -
Your culture might not value a wife's contribution but the law does.
Look at what she stands to lose - she can't afford not to talk a solicitor.
I appreciate this. The problem is
1. The majority of the property is abroad and I don't know how the law stands there and I know it is difficult to enforce often. E.g. In cases where the father takes the children so I can't see it being much better when it comes to property.
2. Basically the attitude she has taken is to lie down and die . If she has no fight in her I can't do it for her.
3. Raising cash to contest this is not going to be easy even though I am aware it will cost more to do nothing .0 -
I appreciate this. The problem is
1. The majority of the property is abroad and I don't know how the law stands there and I know it is difficult to enforce often. E.g. In cases where the father takes the children so I can't see it being much better when it comes to property.
2. Basically the attitude she has taken is to lie down and die . If she has no fight in her I can't do it for her.
3. Raising cash to contest this is not going to be easy even though I am aware it will cost more to do nothing .
In that case, you'll probably just have to support her in her decision.
How horrible to have a father with an attitude like your father has.0 -
I appreciate this. The problem is
1. The majority of the property is abroad and I don't know how the law stands there and I know it is difficult to enforce often. E.g. In cases where the father takes the children so I can't see it being much better when it comes to property.
2. Basically the attitude she has taken is to lie down and die . If she has no fight in her I can't do it for her.
3. Raising cash to contest this is not going to be easy even though I am aware it will cost more to do nothing .
No 2 is the main issue then - what happens if she doesn't sign it - -people like your father only understand hard commercial reasons to do something I would suggest.
If she can make things tricky by simply not dealing with it then maybe he would understand a payment sweetener might smooth things through and she would get some of what she is potentially entitled to0 -
She could petition for divorce in the English courts.Let's settle this like gentlemen: armed with heavy sticks
On a rotating plate, with spikes like Flash Gordon
And you're Peter Duncan; I gave you fair warning0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 354.5K Banking & Borrowing
- 254.4K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 455.4K Spending & Discounts
- 247.4K Work, Benefits & Business
- 604.2K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 178.5K Life & Family
- 261.7K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards