when is it adultery

amistupid

whitewing wrote: »

If she has had very, very little sex with you over the marriage, what makes you think she has actually had sex with someone else?

(It isn't like she has stopped having sex with you - it sounds like she has a low libido or sex is not that important to her for other reasons).

How much people enjoy sex is usually dependent on who they're doing it with.

My missus can't keep her hands off me, they're usually around my throat.

duchy

It sounds like you want to get at her by using adultery on the divorce papers. Whilst this may give you some short lived satisfaction-in the long run it may make the financial settlement harder to achieve so to go for something more bland and less accusing might make divorce negociations both smoother and less expensive. Sometimes you need to be pragmatic.

Gloomendoom

gonzo127 wrote: »

i guess talking to her and trying to get a agreement on unreasonable behavior might be easier in the long run

You could always tip it on its head and she divorces you for your unreasonable behaviour.

At the end of the day, the result is the same.

WillowCat

gonzo127 wrote: »

........ however she does not feel that her behavior was 'unreasonable',.......
.......i guess talking to her and trying to get a agreement on unreasonable behavior might be easier in the long run

You don't need agreement on unreasonable behavior. If you think it was unreasonable then it is unreasonable.

Of course it is nice if the reasons can be agreed between you - the worst thing about the divorce petition in my mind is they seem designed to encourage conflict. But if she doesn't agree, and sees her own solicitor, then she will be told it is just expensive and futile to fight the divorce. She will spend a lot of money and the outcome will still be the same - you will be divorced.

Been there, got the T shirt, currently they're trying to fleece me on the financials :mad:

Oh, and to add, one of the reasons on the petition I received for unreasonable behaviour was "inappropriate relationship with another man" despite the fact that I only met him six months after we separated!

Gloomendoom

WillowCat wrote: »

You don't need agreement on unreasonable behavior. If you think it was unreasonable then it is unreasonable.

That isn't strictly true. If the other party disagrees and refuses to sign the papers, you are stuffed.

gonzo127

whitewing wrote: »

If she has had very, very little sex with you over the marriage, what makes you think she has actually had sex with someone else?

(It isn't like she has stopped having sex with you - it sounds like she has a low libido or sex is not that important to her for other reasons).

I understand your point, but she is not the sort of person to make things up like that and then ‘brag’ to her friends about it, which is why I am pretty certain it has occurred as a lot of her friends know about it – got a few more details than I particularly cared about when one of her was trying to get a reaction from me

duchy wrote: »

It sounds like you want to get at her by using adultery on the divorce papers. Whilst this may give you some short lived satisfaction-in the long run it may make the financial settlement harder to achieve so to go for something more bland and less accusing might make divorce negociations both smoother and less expensive. Sometimes you need to be pragmatic.

You are right, and I acknowledged it earlier (or at least tried too) I guess I was feeling some satisfaction from being able to use ‘adultery’ as the reason for divorce when one of the major reasons for us separating was lack of intimacy within the marriage.
I think I have decided I will try to broach the subject about unreasonable behaviour first to see if she would be willing to work with this with me, as I would prefer to keep things civil as possible, especially for our daughter,

Although I do find it difficult at some point when I know what she has been saying about me, which to be honest make her seem as if she’s still a teenager, but still makes me want to react and put my position across, but know that will just start the blame/name calling game which will not help anything

gonzo127

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You could always tip it on its head and she divorces you for your unreasonable behaviour.

At the end of the day, the result is the same.

haha yes i wanted sex with my wife! how unreasonable is that!!!

but you are right, i guess i can offer for her to divorce me on unreasonable behavior, as i really just want to put this behind me, so would be more than willing to accept the blame if it means we can get things moving

WillowCat

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That isn't strictly true. If the other party disagrees and refuses to sign the papers, you are stuffed.

That's what I thought too. However, when I researched it, it is not true. You can go ahead with the divorce, you have to prove that the papers have been served on her (deemed service) then the judge will hold a hearing and if the unreasonable behaviour reasons are acceptable then the judge will grant the divorce regardless.

DS4215

gonzo127 wrote: »

haha yes i wanted sex with my wife! how unreasonable is that!!!

Your mistake was thinking that would carry on as part of the relationship after marriage.

Jagraf

I'm sure we used desertion on our divorce when my husband left me. He wanted a quick divorce too, so that he could remarry.

Its a while ago now I'm not sure it's an option anymore. We could have gone with adultery too, he fitted most categories