Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

SingleSue

My decorating efforts

calleyw

SingleSue wrote: »

My decorating efforts

Sue,

they look too good to eat.

They look really good. Well done.

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

Wow, Sue! Those cakes are amazing, look at the little tea set! They are so cute, I probably couldn't bring myself to eat them and would end up putting them in a box and keeping them forever!

Big hugs, Melly. So sorry to hear about SIL being so cruel. I am sure it must make OH even more distressed than he was. I hope he doesn't take out his justifiably angry feelings on you.

I am up and showered at 6am, go me! Granted I had a nap at 3pm yesterday and have only just woken up. This is so ridiculous, I know I am repeating myself but what is the point of having my psychosis controlled when I am barely able to function? I cannot stay awake at all, weeks feel like 3 days to me. I am missing meals, I hardly see WaSp and everything is crammed into the few hours when I can stay awake. WaSp is really worried about me too because he says now I seem ill, I am still slurring my speech, my thoughts are a ball of fog, I am getting awful headaches, my stomach is wrecked and I am permanently nauseous. These are all side effects, it just isn't worth it for me. I have had enough therapy to use coping strategies for the active psychosis and I much prefer to be able to control it myself than go through this. Yay! I am almost mentally well, I am just asleep for over the half the day and feel physically ill instead. This is not a good compromise!

I know if I tell my psychiatrist that I really do want to reduce the dose he will allow me to do so, we have an agreement that he won't force me to do anything that I really don't want to. I am seriously considering it, if I end up back in A&E again if the ESA application goes wrong then so be it. This dose would likely prevent relapse but I am not living. It could take 3 months before they decide whether to give me ESA, I can't live another 3 months like this, it is making me miserable.

tea_lover

Such a tough choice WaS. fWIW, you're sounding strong and resilient.... iyswim

Waves_and_Smiles

Morning tea! I am doing fine mentally, I have very few hallucinations and very few delusions. I am just half dead physically! I really don't believe it is worth the trade off, there is no point in being stable mentally if you are never awake to benefit from it. I took my morning dose of medication an hour ago and now I am yawning and drowsy, I only woke up from a 15 hour sleep two hours ago. I am now drinking coffee that was put into the mug by the tablespoon, I will stay awake somehow at least until midday even if I have to chew coffee beans!

tea_lover

Yes, there has to be a decent quality of life to make the medication worthwhile (not that I'm giving medical advice there of course!)

Waves_and_Smiles

There does tea, and right now I don't have one. My psychiatrist luckily realises this happens which is why we agree to a low dose normally, he is just trying to prevent a relapse in case the ESA form goes wrong. I checked on Friday and my form still hasn't been read or even made it to the assessment centre yet and they said check back after 13 weeks if I hadn't heard anything. I can't continue like this for that long. It's ironic because some people my psychiatrist sees are on double my dose and have no side effects and no decrease in psychosis, people's bodies react to drugs in different ways and mine just happens very sensitive to all medication. I am not joking when I say two Paracetamol make me fall asleep as do antihistamines so something that is actually supposed to cause sedation totally floors me!

tea_lover

My mum's like that. She has a genetic condition which affects her nerves (and consequently her muscles as the impulses don't get through). She has huge side effects from everything. She had one anti histamine a few years back after being bitten and didn't sleep for three days. Trying to get a workable a/d dose for her is a real struggle.

I'm the complete opposite, I love all the drugs lol.

Ah the joys of bureaucracy, how can it take them that long to read a form??

ps, how's the colouring going?

Waves_and_Smiles

I feel for your mum, tea! I was told it is just how bodies work, some people can take really high doses of medication and it has little effect, others can be knocked over with a feather. It is impossible to predict until you try it. Most people take my antidepressant in the morning because it gives them energy, I take mine before bed because it makes me so drowsy. So many medications make me fall asleep. It does have a good side, WaSp is on 3 pills now to control the same odd blood pressure thing that I have and his is still high, two on a low dose worked fine for me. Even this dose of antipsychotics that is controlling the psychosis is much less than what a lot of people need. I only seem to need small amounts of medication to fix me compared to a lot of people so it's swings and roundabouts really.

My form is still wherever it was over 2 weeks ago! The assessment centre haven't even recorded that they have it yet, this could go on for a while! At least I continue getting the money while it travels through the system, I really feel for the people who are on a reduced rate of benefit until assessment with this timescale.

The colouring is going very well! I am colouring every day right now, I can't speak properly and I can't concentrate to read so it is making pretty pictures all the way!

SingleSue

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

There does tea, and right now I don't have one. My psychiatrist luckily realises this happens which is why we agree to a low dose normally, he is just trying to prevent a relapse in case the ESA form goes wrong. I checked on Friday and my form still hasn't been read or even made it to the assessment centre yet and they said check back after 13 weeks if I hadn't heard anything. I can't continue like this for that long. It's ironic because some people my psychiatrist sees are on double my dose and have no side effects and no decrease in psychosis, people's bodies react to drugs in different ways and mine just happens very sensitive to all medication. I am not joking when I say two Paracetamol make me fall asleep as do antihistamines so something that is actually supposed to cause sedation totally floors me!

I have the same issue with medication, I always get the side effects that are seen as rare. Coming off my anti d's were a nightmare because of the side effects (which was only supposed to happen to 1 in goodness knows how many thousands), the doctor didn't believe me at first until he could see I was unable to even stand upright due to the withdrawl effects.

It's one of the reasons I avoid going back to the doctors when things are getting eeky, the thought of having to come off the medication at the end really scares me, not sure I could go through a 3 year plan to come off anti d's, reducing in tiny increments and still getting effects again.