Clingy baby - advice please!

owsaboutthatthen

Hi just a little background to my dilemma - I'm a single parent of two kids, a son aged 3 and a daughter who turned 1 last week. The problem is with my daughter because I am with her 24/7 (I'm currently not working) she has become very clingy and I can't walk out of a room without her crying. She is a nightmare at bed time too - from about 7 months old she has not been sleeping properly. She will not lie down in her cot she permanently stands up and cries her eyes out and this can go on what seems like forever. Even when she does cry herself to sleep, the slightest noise wakes her up and she starts all over again. I have put some of it down to teething but there's only so much calpol you can give and I know it is me she is crying for. I know I shouldn't do but I have attempted to get her off to sleep in my bed on the odd night just for my sake otherwise I would get no sleep whatsoever.

My son was the opposite, he kept awake for his first few months and since then has been a very good sleeper.

Any advice would be appreciated.

jo_b_2

owsaboutthatthen wrote: »

Any advice would be appreciated.

Hiya

I remember when my son was at that stage and he took ages to sleep through! I've got another six week old baby now so I've got it all to look forward to again! :eek:

I just wanted to say that it does get easier. The clinginess and crying when you leave the room is totally normal for your daughter's age and just shows that she's developed a healthy attachment to you. This 'separation anxiety' usually kicks in at about 7 months onwards and gets to its worse at about one year!

The good news is that it should get better from now onwards. It makes no difference that you're with her 24/7 - kids that are in nursery full-time, for example, are the same with their parents. It just makes it more of a strain for you, being at home full-time.

Just try to get time to yourself as best as you can. Have you got any friends with kids of similar ages? You could perhaps go out to some playgrounds/kiddy play centres etc. The happier you are, the better you'll be able to cope with the clinginess and the disrupted sleep!

I won't offer advice about sleeping (I resorted to bed-sharing too!) Good luck. xx

Pinklepurr

Has your daughter got any sort of comforter - a favourite toy or a muslin? Perhaps if you give her a muslin that you've had stuffed down your top for the day will help as it will smell of you and she may be reassured by that.

I found the book called "solve your childs sleep problems" by Dr Richard Ferber (I think) really helpful. You should be able to borrow this from your local library. We tried the controlled crying technique and whilst tough for a week or so, over the long term it was well worth it.

Good luck and I hope you get a good night's sleep soon.

crispeater

my ds will be 2 next month and he has a blanket or shawl as they are called which we got from mothercare he likes to twiddle the tassles around the edge and nearly everyday he goes into my bedroom and he squirts it with my perfume lol its soo sweet but i know one day the nozzle isnt going to be facing the right way and he will get it straight in the face! he has even worn a bra of mine on his head. (i wont go into too much detail about the knicker sniffing as thats another thread for another day) :rotfl:
my dd who was 4 last month also has 2 of these shawl blanket things. they are about £12 but both my kids love them.

i still share my bed, sometimes coz they want to and sometimes coz i want some company lol (im single too)

mrcow

Hugs to you! My seven month old daughter has started screaming (and I mean screaming!) whenever I leave the room. Her sister was like it too but eventually grew out of it.

With regards to the teething, have you tried Ashton and Parsons powders on a spoon? I swear by them.

My son also used to have problems sleeping and I used to read him a story and then leave a small light on (he's always been afraid of the dark) and let him choose a picture that he'd like to look at whilst in bed. (I guess you could try a photo of the two of you together that she could look at?).

Whatever you do, routine is so inprtant. I know you are tempted to have her in your bed, but don't do it unless you want it to be a sign of things to come (some parents are more than happy to sleep with their children, others aren't) as you may just be making it harder for her to go back to her cot.

hampshirebabe

Although lots of people swear by controlled crying I know several who struggled with it, found it to work for a while, but had to do it again and again, as it wasn't a long term solution. I'd recomend The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, a great read and some good suggestions. I prefer the controlled kisses idea. You put them to bed, walk out the room, wait a minute walk back in say 'goodnight, love you', give them a kiss and walk back out again. wait a minute or 2 more and do it again, gradualy increasing the time you stay out and they gradualy understand that you haven't disapeared and they'll fall asleep on thier own. (You've got to remember that at that age, if they cant see you they asume you've gone completely, thats why games like peekaboo are so important.) Like the crying method, it does take time, but they fall asleep happy.
In the short term, I personaly dont think you should think of her sharing your bed as a last resort. My daughter slept with us from the 1st night, but at about 4 months decided she liked her own cot better, and even if you decide after a while you want your bed to yourself, at least you'll be over the clingy phase, and well rested. I loved waking up to a happy smiling baby face.
One other thing, do you go many places with other kids? I go to a couple of baby groups, I'm new to my area, so needed some friends, and they can be great for clingy kids. They get so interested in other kids and what they're doing they wander off and although again it takes a while, become more independant.
Hope you get a good night's sleep tonight,
Mary

BernadetteN

You could go either way regarding the sleep problems - either use a technique such as controlled crying or gradual withdrawal and put her in her cot, or choose the co-sleeping solution.

I have slept with all 4 of our children and none of them have been clingy (not that it's evidence in itself, just that it was right for us). If you are happy with co-sleeping, do not worry about separation later on. How many adults sleep with their parents? Our kids have separated themselves between the ages of 2 and 3.

mossstar

I'm (very) anti controlled-anything, I'm afraid... do your research very carefully folks.

I found it really natural to do 'attachment parenting' where I ACTIVELY shared my bed with my babies... they gradually moved to their own beds around the late twos to three.

Your daughter wants to be with you, unless you really REALLY need to be on your own, then why don't you just sleep with her? you'll both get more sleep and be way more relaxed, and it IS such a short time really.

If that would make YOU suffer though (i know that sometimes you just want to climb out of your own skin to be alone! i know i did) - you could let her fall asleep with you and then move her when she's fast asleep...

good luck, i feel for you.

Hang on to the mantra 'this too shall pass'.

x

hampshirebabe

Hang on to the mantra 'this too shall pass'.
I've lived by this mantra recently, and its so true.

mummy_Jay

I think before you'll solve the night thing you have to get her to let you leave the room. This may seem like a strange answer but have you tried singing/talking, so she can hear you even of she can't see you, then slowly leave a gap before you speak to her, so she knows she may not be able to see you but you are there and you will come back.

As for the night thing, something I did with my son when he moved into his own room was I used to put pillow covers on after I'd used them for a night or two so it smelt of me (silly I know but it did seem to help once he got to sleep. I also used the slow with draw technic (not so easy with two), a month of sitting on the landing my his door so he could see me but it did work and now hes an absolute treasure at bed times. He has his bath gets his PJ's on and snuggles up for a story and stays in bed and lets me go down stairs.

Can I also recomend you pop tto woolleys and get on of the tv screen monitors for £40, they are brillant and they give you alot more peace of mind, if you are going to do the controlled crying technic, you may find it easier.

But ever child is different, and I know it tiring and hard but you will get through this.

Alexandria

I have this exact problem with my now 1 year old. I find that her behaviour improves greatly with babywearing (get a proper sling though not one of those awful carrier things!) as she is comforted by being close to me.

At its worst point we moved her cot next to the bed and let her have the security of being near me, as she started to sleep better we movd the cot further away until it ended up in her room (its like the opposite way round of the whispering chair routine which works best if its just getting them to go down thats the problem).

you can tell if I haven't been wearing her much as she gets really upset again, but just 1 hour or so in the sling means th rest of the day she is happy to play without being attached to me! I can carry on with jobs when she is in it and still chase after my 4 year old!!