Do I have a right to be annoyed?

ellesbellesxxx

Lulu, no way are you being mean - I would be hurt and left out if I had received this email having not had anything organised for me!

@Guest101: I don't blame you for not bothering now... we always throw baby showers for men going to paternity leave at work, they love it!

lulu_92

I'm so glad I'm right in my way of thinking!

Just to clarify, I'm not anyone's boss, but the birthday girl is my line manager (but only mine, the other girls are in different depts in our office)

I know someone has to start the chipping in but there is a precedent now. We had one birthday in March, one in May, one in June, one in July (mine) and one now.

jackyann

I rather like person one's understated point.

I also feel that in workplaces there should either be a proper collection system, or none at all. Sounds like you don't want to be the one who organises it, but in my experience, it is the best system in a smallish office.

We used to contribute £x per month (kept in a tin alongside petty cash). Everyone got a £y gift for their birthday and there was a bit spare for special birthdays and leaving gifts or similar.

pollypenny

You're quite right, OP. A collection for a big birthday is fine, but making a big thing if every birthday, no way.

Person_one

jackyann wrote: »

I rather like person one's understated point.

I also feel that in workplaces there should either be a proper collection system, or none at all. Sounds like you don't want to be the one who organises it, but in my experience, it is the best system in a smallish office.

We used to contribute £x per month (kept in a tin alongside petty cash). Everyone got a £y gift for their birthday and there was a bit spare for special birthdays and leaving gifts or similar.

We have a 'club' where you can choose to pay £2 a month into the fund, and those who pay in get something from the fund for birthday/babies/wedding etc. No pressure, no resentment, because its really open and clear and not based on a 'clique' or popularity. I'd say its about 60/40 in/out. I'd recommend the system for any workplace actually.

kerri_gt

I can understand that if it's your line manager how they included you. Is she anyone else's line manager and have they been included?

You're not obliged to chip in, do so if you want, don't if you don't. Simple.

summerspring

"I didn't get anything for MY birthday so why should I get anything for YOURS"


Fair point, if a little childish.


Decide if you like the woman enough to contribute to her card and present, and if you don't, don't. But don't refuse to contribute just because you didn't tell anyone it was your birthday a month ago and you got nothing.



I really think that birthday cards / baby shower cards / anything along those lines should be organised among friends, out of office hours, to avoid this sort of b*tching and unpleasantness in the workplace.

lulu_92

kerri_gt wrote: »

I can understand that if it's your line manager how they included you. Is she anyone else's line manager and have they been included?

You're not obliged to chip in, do so if you want, don't if you don't. Simple.

But they never did anything for my other line manager, and as we're a different department to those organising it I don't understand. I've probably been included on 70% of the emails for collections from these people, but the majority are to everyone, this has ben sent to 5 people out of an office of 40 so it's more to do with the friendship group. I'm obviously not that much of a friend if my birthday wasn't considered.

lulu_92

summerspring wrote: »

"I didn't get anything for MY birthday so why should I get anything for YOURS"


Fair point, if a little childish.


Decide if you like the woman enough to contribute to her card and present, and if you don't, don't. But don't refuse to contribute just because you didn't tell anyone it was your birthday a month ago and you got nothing.



I really think that birthday cards / baby shower cards / anything along those lines should be organised among friends, out of office hours, to avoid this sort of b*tching and unpleasantness in the workplace.

Oh, I get that it sounds bad, as I wrote in my OP. I suppose I'm getting fed up of never being considered for things other people in the office get (a card when someone is off sick for an extended period of time, birthdays, etc) but always being expected to chip in for others. I think I'm more reluctant to contribute as I know people pick and choose who they want the office to collect for.

thorsoak

If you never contribute to others' cards/presents, why comment when people do not give you a present/card?

Just ignore this email, as you have ignored other birthday requests. No big deal.