Do I have a right to be annoyed?

lulu_92

I posted a few months ago about workplace collections for people and luckily I never encountered any issues with only chipping in when I wanted to for certain people, but this latest email I've received has annoyed me.

I've been asked to take part in a collection for one of the girls in my team as it's her birthday. I do know her quite well but I have the following thoughts:

- It is not a milestone birthday.
- It was my birthday a month ago and nobody even arranged a card for me.
- I am the only one on the email thread that has not had something arranged for them for a birthday this year (50% were non-milestone birthdays)
- The girls on the email are all close and have offered this for each other so I find it weird to suddenly ask me to chip in. I do know the girl quite well but it's the principle of being expected to be okay with the previous points.

I probably sound very selfish and mean but it has annoyed me that they expect me to put money in for something but have never considered doing anything for me, despite having ample opportunity to do so. I don't expect presents and cards from anyone and on my actual birthday the thoughts didn't even enter my mind, but now I've received this email it's made me think.

I won't be contributing out of principle.

Gra76

I wouldn't bother contributing either, and if anyone asks, drop a casual remark about how good it was to know everyone had chipped in when it was your birthday... I'd be a little annoyed so I can imagine you are too.

PasturesNew

I'd ignore it. How very, very rude of them. Discourteous, rude, poorly mannered and, quite frankly, appalling in the world of etiquette.

In this world there are some people who always seem to get collections organised .... and there are those of us who are only ever asked to contribute and never get anything back.

And I bet she's wealthier than you too ..... and already has plenty of nicer things.

Born to be entitled.....that's her/their sort.

Alikay

It's perfectly OK to choose not to contribute, but don't think I'd bother being annoyed that I was asked if I wanted to.

bouicca21

Your team as in equals or your subordinates? If equals then yes it is rude. If you are their boss then no, you should contribute to show your appreciation but you don't expect them to do the same for you.

elisebutt65

I'd reply saying that I'm contributing what everyone else did on my birthday. (£0)

Guest101

Where i worked, it was a female dominated team.

11-1. (over 3 years it was about 23 - 1) 12 came and went, a number due to maternity leave etc.

I always put in. When I told tehm I was to be a father, there was no collection at all. - I gave nothing at all after that

Piggywiggy

I'm not a big fan of joint presents unless it's for a very close joint friend or family member. I'd just say no sorry you can't afford it and buy her something if you want to if not she probably wouldn't notice you didn't get her anything if she's only someone you know through work.

Person_one

Just ignore the email.

If somebody asks in person, I think I'd say "Oh, I'm not part of the group that does things for each other's birthdays." which gets your point across without sounding too petulant. Hopefully.

DaftyDuck

I agree with you, but... someone has to start chipping in at some point... if one is going to be part of the "getting" side of things. Maybe chipping in now, you'll get something next year... or not!

Frankly, I thoroughly dislike all these "chipping in for a present for", whatever the cause. If I like someone, I'll buy them something/say something. If I don't, I won't. My choice, not peer pressure.

Petra_70

Hi Lulu.

I can only agree with the people above. Message back (email back?) and say you think this email must have come to you in error, because you are not in the group, and didn't even receive a card on your birthday. Just say you don't wish to take part. They should not be offended as you are quite within your rights to say 'no because nobody bothered with my birthday.' If they are p1ssed off, that's their problem.

What a cheek eh?!

Urgh! Office politics!