Would you move nearer family or stay in better area?

Counting_Pennies_2

You really need to be somewhere you will be happy. There is no point being somewhere you are miserable.


This last move was presumably an agreement between you both, likewise it has to be agreeable to both of you to consider moving again.


You have a house to move back to and your son will be in a position to start school at the same time as everyone else in whatever chosen location you choose to live in.


Just go where you both will be happy

onlyroz

It doesn't sound like you've given the new area much of a chance. It takes a while to get settled and to make new friends. Have you tried joining any local groups? (Night classes, parent-and-toddler groups, keep-fit classes, art/photography/gardening groups etc etc?) Do you make an effort to socialise with people at work, e.g. pub lunches, evening meet-ups etc?

FreddieFrugal

If you feel unhappy away from everything and you have the opportunity and resources to move then do so.

Don't worry about the accent. In my experience kids love it when someone speaks a bit differently to them, makes them interesting. Everyone will want to be his friend. Different doesn't mean bad!

Kirstie70

onlyroz wrote: »

It doesn't sound like you've given the new area much of a chance. It takes a while to get settled and to make new friends. Have you tried joining any local groups? (Night classes, parent-and-toddler groups, keep-fit classes, art/photography/gardening groups etc etc?) Do you make an effort to socialise with people at work, e.g. pub lunches, evening meet-ups etc?

I do try my best. We get on well with our neighbours and have bbqs and they invite us round for dinner but they are 60+ and more like grandparents and the other neighbours who have a son of a similar age are older parents and 40+. We do let our kids play together but it's just a different kind of friendship compared to my friends back home.
At work I do try my best but if there has been nights out its been when my Partner has been working away and I didn't have a babysitter. I do get on well with my colleague who I work very close with but he's a 31 year old single male and not someone I would hang out with at the weekends.

I do know that it sounds like I'm making excuses but I really feel like I do try. I push myself out of my comfort zone. I took my son to the sure start centre for a toddler group and all the mums seemed to all be friends and weren't too friendly. I do admit I probably could have given that toddler group another chance but I didn't enjoy it at all.

I have signed him up for football and swimming lessons which start next month in the hope of a more relaxed approach to meeting other mums.

cyantist

You're really lucky you have the option of moving back nearer your family.

DH would never get a job near all our family, and neither would I so moving back home will never be a possibility for us (but that doesn't stop my family from pestering us to move back home every week).

If you think you'll be happier back there I'd go.

Saying that give some of the older mums a go in the meantime. Out of my one group of 4 close friends one is ten years older than me and one is almost 10 years younger.

krlyr

Could you start applying for some jobs back home and see where that goes? If you got an offer and had to move quickly, you could always rent somewhere out short-term, or perhaps stay with family?

Might even be worth purposely not making that permanent move before you've had a few weeks, or maybe even couple of months, in the new job - as a way of testing the water?

My brother did similar, he moved up to Scotland for work, a few years later he was offered a job back down in the South East and stayed at our nan's for a while without giving notice on his flat etc. Fortunately he hadn't, as he found the job insanely boring and hated the commute into London, so ended up heading back to his flat after a couple of months and is now very happily settled, and looking into buying a place. Can sometimes even just help to see if the grass really is greener on the other side.

Savvy_Sue

Do not worry about the accent. Children pick up and drop accents very smoothly up to the age of about 7.

We moved when our boys were 7, 9 and 12. There's quite a strong local accent here. I asked the younger two if any comment had been made on the way they talked, and DS2 said "They think I'm Scottish." We're not, but I think the reasoning was 'he speaks English, but not as we know it, therefore he must be Scottish."

DS3 picked up the accent, but has lost it again now.

missbiggles1

Kirstie70 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I think deep down we both want to go back home but it's just making the official decision and having all the upheaval of moving again. I doubt myself as I've worked hard in my job, I'm doing well and I do enjoy my job and it's well paid. So I would be leaving that for the unknown back home. I do have a degree but my current job is a graduate job and I know how hard it is to secure these. Especially back home where the job prospects are less.

I guess it's such a hard and personal decision but I wish I didn't need to make it and someone else could take the responsibility as it could potentially impact us negatively when we didn't need to make the decision.

I would plan to move after Christmas if we decided as our rent expires in November and we could move onto a monthly contract and also I am due a large bonus from work in December which I would like to receive. So my son would start school the following August/September depending on where we lived. It worries me too as my son has picked up the local accent through his nursery and it is totally different to mine and my partners and everyone back home and I worry about him being singled out when he starts primary school if we move back home although I'm sure his accent would change (and of course that isn't a major worry).

Just seem to be rambling now but it feels good to write it all down even if it is just for the benefit of myself to reflect.

This seems to me to be the most crucial point and one which you really shouldn't dismiss.

Why not apply for similar jobs "back home" and move if you get one? Otherwise you could be unemployed for a long time or spend years sitting on a till at Tesco. (No disrespect to those who do that.)

Your career and independence is as important as your husband's and shouldn't be thrown away so lightly.

itsanne

missbiggles1 wrote: »

This seems to me to be the most crucial point and one which you really shouldn't dismiss.

Why not apply for similar jobs "back home" and move if you get one? Otherwise you could be unemployed for a long time or spend years sitting on a till at Tesco. (No disrespect to those who do that.)

Your career and independence is as important as your husband's and shouldn't be thrown away so lightly.

This ^^^^

Also, bear in mind that you'll feel less isolated if you go back to full time work once your son is at school.

In the meantime, perhaps your good neighbours would babysit occasionally so you can get out together? They may not be family, but it sounds as if you could get to know them well enough to trust them with your son. They'd probably appreciate you returning the favour.

harrys_nan

My situation is different to yours as I am retired, not a young mum with small child.
I moved to Devon in 2010, 5 mins from the beach. Every body's dream of a retirement place.I was so lonely there missed my kids and my grandsons very much, I don't
seem to have the knack of making friends althoughI can and do talk to everyone, anyway I decided to move back to where my family live and I now see my grandkids 3/4 times a week and couldn't be happier.Family to me are very important, it's no good living in a lovely area if your unhappy, as long as you can live a reasonable life on just one wage, then I would move.