How can I get my son to focus?

Potternerd

My son about to start Y11. He's a lovely boy and behaves well at school, but he just seems to have no focus at all and basically only does work if I stand over him and insist he does it. He's not super academic so will need to work really hard just to get Cs. At my wit's end. Do I take away xbox, do I say it's up to him, if he fails he fails, do I pay for tutors?? Any advice pleeeease!

RAS

is he interested in anything?

Potternerd

Mainly his xxxxxy xbox. He likes English and media but doesn't want or think he needs to put in anything beyond bare minimum

arbrighton

At this age, it is time to say that it is up to him, unless he is an incredibly immature 15 y old. Teenage boys don't tend to like being nagged and it won't help him to stand over him in the long term.

Ask him about tutors- don't pay money just because you think it will help. It might be he's struggling and doesn't want to admit it

(I have been a secondary teacher, TA and private tutor)

d70cw6

have you considered chinese burns and wet willies?

pinkshoes

Where is the xbox located? If it is in his room, i would put it in the lounge!

Don't spend money on tutors unless he is willing to try, as it will be a waste of money.

Ask him to come up with a course of action, and how much work HE thinks he should be doing before he should be allowed xbox time.

Are the school offering any extra after school classes he could attend? where I teach, all borderline C grade candidates automatically get letters home about afterschool academic clubs to help.

You need to make it feel like a study plan is HIS idea, with perhaps a big goal at the end, whether than be financial payment for each grade C (i am amazed how hard some kids work for money!) or perhaps a holiday or driving lessons when he turns 17...

pollypenny

I'm with Pink. Get all electronic equipment out of room. Allow him specific times on Xbox and TV.

Talk to him about his next step: apprenticeship, college?

pmlindyloo

Taking away the x box will only create bad feeling and there is absolutely no guarantee that he will work instead.

What is it that he should be doing? Is this homework/revision/or what?

I ask this because you really need to know what he should be doing in order to help.

Unfortunately at this age you are fighting a losing battle unless there is a particular area that he should be focussing on.

So, you need to get his homework timetable and sit down with him and help him to sort out some kind of routine.

Chill out time/homework/revision/tea/xbox - that kind of thing. IF you can get him to agree to this then it does make things easier. Then you can say 'shall I put the x box downstairs/wherever so you're not tempted?' A snack during work time is often appreciated. Try to create a designated area where he can work - a desk/table, chair etc in a quiet place.

I found that it helped if there was no television on in the house to distract him.

Of course this all 'pie in the sky' if your son is not receptive to your 'interfering'.

In the end all you can do is have friendly chats about how he sees his future (if at all!) and hope for the best. If he does badly in his exams this may give him the boost to knuckle down later down the line.

I feel your 'pain'. You want them to do well and you know that they may regret not working later but it is SUCH a difficult age and you really have to 'wing it'.

Be happy that he is well behaved at school - a definite plus.

If he should mention that he finds something difficult (or words to that effect) then you could offer a tutor.

A lot depends on his peer group. Anyone he could invite over and do the 'work together'.

pinkshoes

I would never suggest taking xbox away, just making sure he earns his time on it e.g. 1 hour of school work for 1 hour of xbox or similar.

onomatopoeia99

[QUOTE=arbrighton;68989629Teenage_boys_don't_tend_to_like_being_nagged[/QUOTE]
This applies to all men, not just teenaged ones!

Tlg1991

When i was that age i was in the same boat, i sat and played on my playstation most of the time and did little to no revising, i got 1 B in drama..... yes i know, what a waste.

But luckily my mum took charge after that and put me on a college course (i didn't get onto a plumbing course i wanted) for mechanical engineering, i am now a design engineer, and I was terrible at maths (still am lol)

just info so you don't think it will be all over with if he doesn't do well in school

What i would say like others have suggested try getting away from distractions and talking about a future plan and where he wants to go career wise and plan to go down that path. if he enjoys games maybe something with computer, programming or web design. there are endless computer jobs these days.

Another thing i would not take the console away, for some people especially that age its an escape from the real world, i know it helped me when i was younger through some bad times being able to forget about everything, not to mention there is actually a lot to learn from video games even if people still think they are a waste of time.