Young Working Mum

autumn2012_2

I am a young working mum (career ahead of me) however I regularly get older parents saying about how Im too young to understand and Iv wasted my life?? Not that I agree. I try my best to be the best mum I can whilst working and paying all the bills etc. Makes you feel totally worthless.

Wellyboots6

Sounds like you are achieving everything you want to achieve to me.
Not a waste at all!

pollyanna24

Gee, well they sound extremely helpful! What exactly are they trying to achieve by telling you this?

Don't know how old you are, but I don't think kids are ever a waste of your life. I regret that I am now a single mum and work pretty much full time so I don't get to see my kids much, but I don't think they are a waste of my life!

ciderwithrosie_2

They're only jealous that you're managing so well. Ignore the snipers. I don't think anything can prepare you for parenthood but I'm so glad I had my kids in my 20s when I still had plenty of energy!!

A friend of mine has been a single parent virtually since her son was born, she has built her career, studied, bought her own house and raised a lovely boy, all through sheer hard work and determination, it's not been easy, yet people love to slate her as if she's somehow been handed it all on a plate and because they've not achieved half as much, even with support of a partner/family

autumn2012_2

Thanks guys :-) - Im 21 and married. I don't know how single mums cope but I take my hat off to them! I just hate being looked down on because I haven't got a degree even though I have a management position. I'm not getting a great wage because I only do part time due to childcare. I have debt so life can be tough but I manage and I don't regret any of my decisions. I just cant stand that attitude like Im an under achiever.

Gigglepig

I don't think they are jelaous. I think it is just a difference in opinion. For some people your choices might be hard to understand, just as you are finding these people hard to understand, because you have a different outlook on life. Personally I have different views, and would not have contemplated marriage and children at 21. In my world that would have been having a child whilst still pretty much a child. Basically I thought then (and still believe) I would have a lot more to offer as a mother after growing up a bit. I wanted to be financially secure, build a career ... which is harder, if you have children to support, can't do lots of overtime, travel etc whenever your employer expects it. A uni degree it gives better career options for most occupations. To me it would have seemed reckless to marry or have children at that age since it was important to me to really know my partner very well first (several years). People have different priorities, ambitions and attitudes to risk.

At 21, it is perhaps a bit early to say if anyone will be a high achiever, but you you are hoping to be a high flyer you might have made it a little harder for yourself than it would have been if you only had yourself to worry about for another 10 years. Doesn't mean it isn't possible, if it is important to you. And the important thing is that you are happy, and not what others think.

Bluemeanie_2

Although I am the same as Gigglepig I was no way ready for marriage and children when I was your age, it doesn't mean I would pass comment on it or judge you. It really isn't anyone else's business so take no notice of sly or horrible comments. I don't know how assertive you are but if someone made a comment like I'd wasted my life I wouldn't be able to resist entering into a debate with them!

Gigglepig

OP where do you meet these people who comment, and can you avoid them? Apart from family members etc it seems a bit odd not to mention not tactfulnto comment on something like that, especially out of the blue. Do you only get horrid comments or do some of these people try (and fail miserably) to discuss or converse?

autumn2012_2

Thanks guys - Yes I can avoid them and do! Im very assertive and do debate - I have said that Im happy with my choices and yes I may have made the journey a little longer but saying that Im doing ok for the moment. My career started when I received a promotion into management - I was earning 20k but unfortunately lost my job... Basically been in and out of different job (around childcare) and recently got a new job in management again so starting to get back to where we used to be. I suppose its just people who don't know the full ins and outs of my life so they only see what they want to see. I'm not really bothered what people think - I don't put others down for the choices they make (I would never have a child over 30) but I would never judge somebody if they did as that's their choice. I suppose the world is full of judgemental people :-)

ERICS_MUM

Ask them what they want you to do - put the children up for adoption, sell them to a childless millionaire or any similar outrageous ideas they might have ?

It's one thing to have such opinions in general but to voice them to someone already in that situation is unforgivable, it's almost saying the child shouldn't exist because they are spoiling the parents' lives.

My niece was 19 when she had an unplanned baby boy, the father wasn't around for the first year but they are a lovely little family now with another on it's way. She struggled as a young single parent compared to her siblings with professional careers. All the family are supported them according to our means to ensure they don't struggle to the extent of their lives being miserable (does that bit make sense ?). Not just financially but by being positive about the situation, taking an interest in what they do (feeding the ducks, blowing bubbles). He's an adorable little boy - how could we deny his very existence because other people have different views on how life should be lived ?

At 21 the OP is young enough to work or train for a career in the future once the children are at school. It's not compulsory to do things in life in a particular order. Conventional yes but not forbidden or un-attainable.

Topcat1982

autumn2012 wrote: »

I don't put others down for the choices they make (I would never have a child over 30) but I would never judge somebody if they did as that's their choice. I suppose the world is full of judgemental people :-)

That is judgemental! That is suggesting there is something wrong with it.

Why can we not all just live and let live