Did something im not really proud of........

(Land_of)_Maz

I've subscribed to this thread too Keren, would like to know how it's going too.....

green1970

Sorry Karen but if I had a partner who didn't live with me go snooping through my finances, jumping to conclusions and posting about it on very busy public forum, I'd be livid and he'd be binned in an instant. You need to think long and hard about what you've done, you had no right to do that.

The time to be know about each other's finances is when you're considering moving in together and sharing expenses. The betrayal of trust here is just shocking.

Burlesque_Babe

green1970 wrote: »

Sorry Karen but if I had a partner who didn't live with me go snooping through my finances, jumping to conclusions and posting about it on very busy public forum, I'd be livid and he'd be binned in an instant. You need to think long and hard about what you've done, you had no right to do that.

The time to be know about each other's finances is when you're considering moving in together and sharing expenses. The betrayal of trust here is just shocking.

ermmmmmmmm.......... wondering if you have confused me (Keren) with the OP? I don't think her name was Karen though? I was just wondering how she had got on over the weekend.

(Land_of)_Maz

ouch Keren! :shocked: Did that hurt...?

The betrayal of trust issue is between the OP and her man, all those of us who joined the thread are interested in is the financial matter and the welfare of the OP.

With that said, i hope she is okay? If she doesn't update we can maybe assume the S*!t hit the fan? I hope not!?

green1970

Ooops, I'm sorry Keren, total misunderstanding there.

I hope she's okay too - looking through her posts, if it was a remortgage (which looks likely), then there is nothing to worry about. He's probably just refinanced after coming to an end of a deal or to come away from an adverse credit lender if he's had good credit for the past few years.

He seems open about CCJs, past problems, divorce, etc, which are all good signs and things that he would have kept from you if he was trying to cover up debts.

SarahNeedle1872

Hi BargainHunter,

just found ur thread and i must say I sympathise with u.
Rightly or wrongly, I snoop in OH's finances all the time! Not because I don't know what to expect, because I know he cannot control his finances! I even have his bank acc on my EMM!

At the beginning of the year I claimed back his bank charges for him and 'took over' his finances. All of his previous debts were paid, and I financed the move to our house (both from loan in sig - it's in my name, but currently we pay half each) His credit file even improved enough to get a credit card (Vanquis, with £250 limit, just been put up to £500:mad: 29.9% Apr:eek: ) The whole time I was on maternity, we only managed to put £500 onto our debt, and he did not notice the change in our repesctive bank balances.
When I went back to work full time, he pretty much rebelled against the fact that he had to ask me for money all the time (quite rightly to, I would rebel in that situation!) so we decided that all bills would be split equally, then what he had left was his to spend how he wished, and the same for me. He pays me the money on pay day, plus his child maintenance to his DS1's Mum.

Sorry this is long winded, there is a point to it which I will try to get to quickly!..... All bills are in my name alone, inc council tax, as I did not want financial association with him (harsh most would say, but I need to protect my credit record should I ever need to use it for our son!). The only bills in his name are Sky (which he insisted we MUST have, hence he pays for it!), his CC and his mobile phone bill. It has been less than one month (two weeks since payday infact) and already he doesn't have enough money left in his acc to pay his phone + Sky + cc minimum, so at least one won't get paid this month. He also doesn't 'agree' about saving monthly for Xmas etc, so I do that from my money - he will have to fund his half of Xmas etc some other way!

And now my point.... some people are just not good with money, and many of them will not be helped! I'm not gloating, but all the time I was in control of his finances, his cc was paid of every month, his bills were paid and no dd's bounced. I earn £5k a year less than him, but I still seem to have money left at the end of the month.... and I'm the one that's done all the saving towards paying of the debt faster, his contribution is the smallchange from his pockets, and some shirts I stuck on eBay.

I understand fully why u snooped, and if I were in ur situation, I wouldn't feel bad. I love my OH with all my heart, but I have to protect me/my son first.

IMHO the best thing u can do is broach the subject with him thru general conversation, and see what comes up. Much as u love him, do not get financially linked to him, as it may come back to haunt u in the future, especially if things don't work out between the two of you.

All the best for the future, and please update us when anything changes

Sarah x

Burlesque_Babe

nos problemos amigos green .

Did make me sit up a bit quick though for a second!! :rotfl:

Angela

She made one post on the 27th so was still alive on Bank Holiday Monday.

I am desperate to know what happened.

Jenna

I've just found this thread and now I really want to know what happened too ... come back and tell us how things went!?

I was going to add to the very good advice already posted by others ... it's possible that he hasn't told you because he doesn't want to worry you / is scared to tell you about the debt / thinks you would over-analyse his spending if you knew / any other similar reason. I know when my OH and me started going out he had really bad debts and didn't tell me about them for months!!

Hope things went OK in the end ...

BARGAINHUNTER!

Hi everyone! Thank you for all thinking about me and im really sorry for not posting back as to how it all went! Well, after reading all of your excellent advice, we had a chat in general about money. I mentioned how much my mortgage payments were a month and he told me his were nearly £900. I expressed surprise that his were so high, as he brought the house he is in about 10 years ago when house prices were not that high. He then told me that he had recently re-mortgaged to clear some past debts, which included some secured and unsecured loans, credit cards etc so now only makes one monthly payment a month, instead of trying to juggle loads! it was just as I thought, he came out his divorce very badly and had to give his ex a lot of money and continues to pay a large proportion of his salary to her for their son (as he should rightly do - he also buys his son bits and poeces and takes him out and about when he has him - he is a great Dad in that respect). He took out various secured and unsecured loans to cover his general bills and living expenses and spent on credit cards and before he knew it he had got himself into a bit of a mess financially. He re-mortgaged to clear the lot and to enable him to make one monthly repayment, which he can easily afford to do. He earns a lot of money, and is due another very large payrise in the new year. He has asked me if I will sit down with him then and work out his finances with him so that he can start making largeoverpayments each month into the mortgage. Im absolutely delighted that he divulged this info to me, and wants me to help him. I think he has finally realised that he is not alone with this and I can help, which I am very happy to do. I decided to keep the fact that I had snooped to myself as I figured that it would not do anyone any good letting on. I think the two mortgage payments in one month happened when he remortgaged, the first payment was his regular mortgage payment and the second was the start of his new one. I have just re-mortgaged my house and the same thing is due to happen to me this month, my regular mortgage payment went out of my account on 1/10 as it normally does and my first mortgage payment of my new mortgage will go out of my account later this month. As I have enough to cover this that is fine. Next month will be back to normal with one payment coming out.

I would like to thank everyone for their really helpful advice. The upshot of it is im not proud I snooped, but I did. Because I snooped I ended up jumping to the wrong conclusion. Once the finance situation is totally out in the open I honestly feel like I won't need to snoop again! We are planning on living together at some stage in the future and getting married, so its important that we sort stuff like this out. Im not sure what I would have done if he hadn't told me. I suppose that would have given me the answer about the future and what I was potentially letting myself in for. At the end of the day we all make mistakes and find ourselves in various situations, some of it our own doing and some of it not. Its how we deal with it that makes the difference!