Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Paid last £30 off cc

Transferred £10 to ff, which will be used for Xmas presents.

Paid my mum £50

Also ordered £30 Paypal from GTM this week, so that will also go into ff for Xmas savings :j

Been a quiet week. I feel under the weather — think I have a cold

AspiringButAnxious

My mum totted up what I owe her and it comes to £19,300 — several hundred less than I'd assumed/dreaded. I'm determined to stay on top of it from now on, paying for everything I buy straightaway and chipping steadily at the debt, instead of adding and subtracting depending on my cashflow situation.

I have a cold and feel a bit blah, especially after a busy few days, but not too bad in mental health terms. Trying to be more positive about my life and prospects, though it's difficult.

AspiringButAnxious

Paid £40 off loan, which is 0.2% Seems like a pathetically small amount, but it's the first time in ages that I know a payment I'm making is reducing my overall debt, so that's good.

Still feel blah. My hip hurts and my mood has dipped. Using my SAD lamp and staying active, but don't know if it's enough. Got a flu vaccination on Monday, so hope this winter won't be a repeat of last winter.

AspiringButAnxious

Hi everyone and merry Christmas!

I have been struggling a lot with depression and anxiety, but I'm still here. Everything is difficult, but I'm still working on my OU course (got 95% for my first assignment!) and writing/blogging when I can. Have had to scale back my volunteering, because I don't have time when anxiety/depression symptoms waste so many hours. I have to prioritise my official work, even if I earn nothing from it and feel that my volunteering matters more.

Still going to gym classes, though I missed 2 last week thanks to a virus. Pathetic as it is, going with my mum has helped me to keep going through the difficult months. I have finished counselling, since my counsellor left the local charity which was providing me with counselling. It happened a little before I was ready, but counsellor felt I was doing well managing my mental health on my own. I'm also unlikely to get further counselling from the charity, because they are reorganising and getting strict about sticking to their original remit, which is dealing with loss, so bereavement, redundancy, recent illness/injury,etc. rather than long term mental health problems. It means that if I get worse again, my only options are the NHS, which I have tried previously and found to have limited effect since it's usually rationed to 6 sessions, or to pay for private sessions, which would be incredibly difficult in my current situation.

I feel desperate to change things in the New Year. I need to somehow find paid work, though I have been looking recently and found nothing suitable. Most admin based jobs require either a receptionist or telesales element, both of which are impossible for me atm. I don't know what to do, but I hate having to rely on benefits and even 10 hours a week at minimum wage would give me a little security so that I know I could cope if I no longer received workig tax credits (or universal credit, when it gets changed). That gives me until April to find a solution.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get through the festive season without trying to kill myself. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's reality for those of us with depression. I'm not in that place right now, so that's good, but I can feel my mood slipping most days. Trying to focus on the good things, like the fact that I'm still keeping active.

Florence_J

Hi ABA, I'm glad to 'see' you back, but I am sorry it is in such difficult circumstances.

I faced the same trouble you did with counselling options. I eventually found cheap counselling options through my GP, I pay £15 a session, which admittedly was reduced from £25 because I am now out of work. There might be cheaper options through your GP or local council for private counselling, sadly that's the way long sufferers like you and me have to go.

Keep on going, take each day at a time, you are incredible.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Florence I feel a bit better, after a horrendous Xmas, but will look into other counselling options if needed.

Realised I met my savings goals last year, though obviously added to my debt as well. The goal for this year is to reduce my debt and add £500 easch to EF and RDF.

Also really want to do an Arvon writing course — there's one from which I would really benefit — so will gove myself permission if I save the £200 deposit. This means I will be able to do it without getting into more debt, because I would use my RDF if I couldn't earn/save the remaining cost.

Aim to save £10 a week by giving up fizzy drinks... Not easy, since I had been drinking 3-5 cans of Pepsi Max a day and often orangeade in the evening. I used to drink more than a 2 litre bottle of coke a day at my worst point, so hoping I can push a bit further and give up pretty much completely (I won't rule out the occasional drink, especially since I don't always have alcohol if I go out with friends). The first few days have been hard, but keep telling myself it will get easier after the first week/month.

I have various other New Year Goals, which I won't bore you with! My main intention is to end this year feeling better and more accomplished than I do now.

Happy new year everyone! :j :j

reality_check

Happy New Year! Sorry your Christmas wasn't so good. I need to make some goals (and acheive them for once!) too, planning on reducing debt slowly, and concentrating on EF fund and savings. Normally I throw everything at debt, then when something comes up, which lets face it is always does, then need to add to my debt!

£10 is a good saving per week! Maybe try halfing it at first rather than going cold turkey?! Sparkling water with some squash is nice if you don't like it on it's own xx

AspiringButAnxious

Hi guys (and a belated thanks to rc)

Haven't been on here for ages -- partly because I haven't been feeling very "mse" and partly because I forgot my password and had problems resetting it!

Not sure where to start to update you (assuming anyone can be bothered to read this after my prolonged absence)... Firstly, my mental health is okay. Not great, but certainly not as bad as I was over Xmas. I haven't self-harmed or tried to kill myself in just over 4 months, so that's good. I feel a bit stuck in Limboland, because I want to start earning more than drips and dregs, but I'm still struggling with depression and anxiety so it's hard to do anything which might lead to paid work. It's very frustrating.

I tend to get more anxious and depressed if I focus on my financial situation, so debt repayment is taking a back seat right now, hence my not feeling very "mse". I'm being more mindful about my spending than I was in the past and haven't had any major shopping binges, even when I have felt horrible, so that's progress. I just feel I need to focus on my mental health and building my confidence, so my main financial aim is to avoid accumulating more debt.

The next aim will be to add £400 to my rainy day fund and £500 to my ef, so they will total £1000 and £1500 respectively. This is more for peace of mind than anything; having my current savings has helped my mental health, because I know I can cover my basic expenses for a few months if anything happens and I stop getting tax credits. I owe all my debt (apart from £50 on the cc, which will be repaid next week) to my parents, so I'm not accumulating interest.

My parents have been very understanding, too. I think they realise that when I worry about owing them money, my mental health plummets and makes me less likely to be able to find paid work, so it's in their interests to support me. The underlying guilt is still there, but I have repaid more since I adopted this approach, so think both my parents and I will benefit. Also, they obviously want me to feel better even if it takes ages to repay them.

Sooooo... onto the good stuff!

I did manage to save the deposit for the Arvon course and can cover the balance with my rdf if needed. However, I have a very low interest deal on the cc until November, so that should help me to pay for the course without raiding my savings (I'm also saving for it in the meantime, so hope to have a good chunk in my fun fund by the time I need to pay the balance). It feels great to have something to look forward to and I believe it will be beneficial for my writing career.

One of my major goals for this year (which I was a bit shy about sharing at the start of the year!) is to lose a lot of weight !!!8212; 114lbs, to be precise. I started the year at 244lb and am currently 204lbs, so people are beginning to notice! It's been a bit slower going than I had hoped, mainly due to comfort eating in Jan/Feb, but I'm thrilled to have made significant changes. Of course, it also means I need to replace my clothes, as size 18s are beginning to fall off me. Thankfully, Tesco is cheap I think my figure must have changed more than I realised with all the exercise over the past year/18 months, because previously I was bigger measurement-wise at this weight. Guess I built up a fair amount of muscle. Would LOVE to be a size 14 by my Arvon course in mid August, so that's my short term focus.

The other big change is that I no longer drink fizzy drinks on a regular basis. I had a fizzy flavoured water at Easter and felt incredibly bloated afterwards, so I don't miss the Pepsi Max. I will use the money saved to buy the aforementioned new clothes

Anyhoo, I'm sorry I've been away so long. Many of you have supported me a lot over the past couple pf years, so I want you to know that I appreciate it and didn't intend to disappear without explanation. Hope things are going well for all of you and I will aim to update this thread more often and catch up with your threads soon.

misstara

Hello ABA :hello: Nice to see you back.

Glad your parents are being supportive and I hope your mental health continues to further improve. Well done on giving up fizzy drinks and the weight loss.

When does the Arvon course start?

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Tara Think it will be good to be back, because putting my thoughts into words helps me to get a clearer picture of what's happening in my life. The course starts on 13th August. I'm a little scared, but really looking forward to it!

Think I need to step up my decluttering efforts, partly to help myself feel more in control. I have a few huge piles of books to read and pass on, plus my clothes need sorting out properly. I need to be more ruthless about not hanging onto things which I don't use and enjoy.

I had been trying out the whole 12 week year philosophy, but have decided to exchange it for focusing on one month at a time. I still have goals for the whole year and each quarter, but it's hard for me to keep in a focused and positive frame of mind for the whole 12 weeks. I think it also led to me focusing on strategies which didn't make me feel better about myself, which made it more difficult to take action and get results.

My goals for May include entering 2 novel competitions, which means I need to get the start of my novel up to the best standard I can and write a synopsis-- which sounds simple, but is very hard. I also want to enter at least 2 short story. comps and shift another 10lbs.

I'm trying to concentrate on what I can do right now, instead of stressing, but it's easier said than done!