Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks everyone I managed to do everything I planned yesterday, which is good.

Today is esa day, so I have £90 to my ef and replenished £10 of my rainy day fund. It feels better to have £220 set aside for emergencies, but I know it isn't enough. If I want to get off esa, I will need a bigger buffer — especially as any self-employment tends to involve irregular payments.

I also need to work out how to actually make money from being self-employed: I totted up my income and expenditure since I took my first tentative steps in June and I have spent £275 more than I have earned. A big chunk of that is the £110 software I bought (still waiting to hear back from S) and most of it is the cost of running 2 websites, though a couple of things (subscription to a writing magazine and the Writers' and Artists' Yearbook) I buy every year anyway. It still makes depressing reading.

At least I have a career strategy, of sorts, since last night. I'm following the life coach's advice to play to my strengths. This means writing a lot on spec and submitting the work, letting my writing speak for itself, and networking via email and social media rather than in person. It makes sense, but I can't help being swayed by everything I've read about the "best" way to work as a writer. I know there are loads of writers who earn a living by doing their own thing, but I have trouble believing I could be one of them.

misstara

I don't think there's a 'best' way to do anything, we all have different ways of doing things and you are playing to your strengths. The £275 is not depressing reading, it's an investment in your future

catriona79

Hello ABA,

So sorry to hear about how you've been feeling and about the lamp too... Big hug to you!
Thanks for the messages you left on my diary - you're so thoughtful and such a lovely person, definitely one of the good souls.
Please look after yourself and do try to get outside for a bit in the day time. And as suggested, text a friend and do some small but positive things.

I'll be back here later to see how you are. Let us know. Big hug x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks tara I think I'm just impatient for results. I'm desperate to get off esa so that I don't have to keep jumping through hoops. It's bad enough having to go to WL so often; I definitely don't want to go through another medical assessment, which I might have to in March.

The lamp people emailed me to say my replacement will be here tomorrow and I don't need to bother returning the faulty one, so that's great news

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks catriona You sneaked in there while I was typing!

catriona79

Whoop whoop fpr the replacement lamp! Excellent! Hope it helps. X

AspiringButAnxious

The lamp arrived at 3pm today and it works! I feel better already — but that's mostly relief

I did b****r all yesterday and the same so far today. My mood isn't as bad as it has been, but I'm struggling to motivate myself. I'm supposed to be doing NaNoWriMo, but haven't writted a word so far. I'm not expecting the SAD lamp to work miracles, but I hope it will help me do more to help myself.

catriona79

Thats excellent news about the lamp, ABA! Fantastic! If it works, it works, don't question why and how!

Motivating yourself to write is though, I guess it's similar to studying. Fingers crossed for you to find a nice balance and peace in your life, then it will be easier to focus. Everything will fall into place, you'll see. Just let us know if things are ever difficult and we will try to make you smile

Try being kind to yourself, with healthy food and a bath of a night time. Take good care x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks catriona

Today has been better. I used my lamp as soon as I got up and managed to do a couple of tasks that have been hanging around on my to-do list since last week. Later on, I wrote a little bit of my NaNoWriMo novel

Tomorrow should be good — my BFF is coming over with her little girl for an hour or so in the afternoon, so I will make cake in the morning. I also hope to write s little more.

AspiringButAnxious

Had a lovely day yesterday — watched tennis, made (and ate) brownies, chatted to my friend, played with her little girl... My BFF brought me flowers too, which was so kind and unnecessary that I felt a bit tearful

Definitely feel better than last week, but still not getting much done. It's frustrating because I know my best chance of feeling better is to start earning decent money from writing, but I can't write a lot atm. It feels like life moves so slowly — my debt will take ages to pay off, saving a decent amount is taking ages, gaining even a little career success is taking forever... I want to make things happen, but I lack the energy and motivation. Grrrr! :mad: