Can't Stop Thinking About Dying

DermotFlanigan

Recently I have been thinking a bit too deeply that one day I will no longer be here and now I can't stop thinking about it.

I am getting quite depressed about it and after dropping my partner off in work last night I got home and broke down crying. It has only been the last 2 weeks. I don't know what's triggered it but I now think of it as soon as I wake up until I go to sleep. The more I try and ignore it the more I think about it.

I'm 27 and have recently changed jobs and have an 8 month old baby. Would the life changes have triggered this?

msb5262

Hi OP,
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this.
It's exhausting enough to have a young baby and a job, without the additional stress of feeling anxious and emotionally drained by these fearful feelings.

In my personal opinion (and experience), your current state is indeed linked to recent life changes, but I would also suggest you talk to your GP and seek some support. The way you are feeling is having a considerable impact on your day to day life and on your ability to manage your life and enjoy your baby.
Please don't hesitate to ring the GP, I found mine to be really helpful when I felt as you do.
Hope you get some help with this and start feeling better soon.

Best wishes
MsB xx

Tropez

Yes, possibly the changes, particularly becoming a parent would have made you more aware of mortality since it is natural to want to always be around to protect a child.

However, these thoughts are affecting your day to day life to a crippling extent, and long-term lack of sleep is also a cause or magnifier for depression. You would be best discussing your state of mind with a GP who may be able to help you.

BarryBlue

I think that we all start thinking about our mortality at some point in our lives, sometimes when we reach a milestone like a 'big' birthday. I found that as you get older you worry less about it as you conclude that there is nothing you can do about the passage of time.

It's really about how you deal with it. Some people refuse to accept the reality that we are all born, live, then die. These are the people who try to convince themselves that there is some sort of afterlife so they grasp on to the false hope of a religion. True contentment is when you accept that there is only one life and this is it. Then you can get on with living it and enjoying it as best you can. Hope things get better for you.

rpc

Having a child made me more aware of mortality - both my own and those close to me. I think it's natural.

I second the suggestions to speak to your GP. There could be something underlying these thoughts such as PND.

no1catman

Oh the contrary - as I believe in life after physical/biological death - I have no fear of death - only the manor of it happening!

DermotFlanigan

Thank you all for your responses.

I didn't even know men could get PND but having looked on google some of the symptoms are what I am experiencing.

Feeling very low, or despondent, that life is a long, grey tunnel, and that there is no hope. Feeling tired and very lethargic, or even quite numb. Not wanting to do anything or take an interest in the outside world.
Feeling a sense of inadequacy or unable to cope.
Feeling guilty about not coping, or about not loving their baby enough.
Being unusually irritable, which makes the guilt worse.
Wanting to cry/crying a lot or even constantly.
Having obsessive and irrational thoughts which can be very scary.
Loss of appetite, which may go with feeling hungry all the time, but being unable to eat.
Comfort eating.
Having difficulty sleeping: either not getting to sleep, waking early, or having vivid nightmares.
Being hostile or indifferent to their partner and/or baby.
Having panic attacks, which strike at any time, causing a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and feelings of sickness or faintness.
Having an overpowering anxiety, often about things that wouldn't normally bother them, such as being alone in the house.
Having difficulty in concentrating or making decisions.
Experiencing physical symptoms, such as headaches.
Having obsessive fears about baby's health or wellbeing, or about themselves and other members of the family.
Having disturbing thoughts about harming themselves or their baby.
Having thoughts about death.

I've highlighted the ones that I have experienced in the last 2/3 weeks.

Tlg1991

I have currently been going through this myself, Not to the extent to what you have described but i find myself fixating on death and some kind of fear of it. this feeling has cropped up a few times through my life so far (currently 24) and i have always put it down to life events, such as the passing of my mum and stressful job changes. a sense of hopelessness or helplessness is usually pretty strong also.

I'm not great with the advice and maybe i need some myself as i have always tried to fob my own feelings off and told myself i will get over it, but i just wanted to post to say you're not alone and i hope you recover from these feelings and enjoy you're life with you're child.

TBagpuss

Dermot, it sounds as though you may be suffering from depression, which anyone can get, whether it is directly linked to the birth of your child or not. Do see your GP as soon as possible to get some help and support.

With a young baby you may have other triggering factors - poor sleep patterns, financial stresses, change in our relationship with your partner, to accommodate the little one. All of these may contribute.

Depending on you personally, you might also find it helpful to try to identify what it is about death/dying that worries you. For some people, looking at very practical issues can be very helpful
(e.g. if you are worried about leaving your partner and child struggling if anything happened to you, you might find it reduced your feelings of anxiety if you were able to tell yourself that you had provided for your partner and child if anything happened to you, by getting life insurance and a will in place. You might find you were less worried about not being around if you wrote letters to your child to be opened on significant birthdays)

And simply talking to someone may be incredibly helpful - your GP would be the first port of call but you could also consider online support - see https://turn2me.org/ or MIND http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/?gclid=CKjHhq_DgMcCFUcTwwod8_wHDQ#.Vbjf4PlViko

Finst

You sound like you are suffering from depression. Nothing surprising about that, given 1 in 4 people in the UK are believed to be suffering from a mental health issue, with depression being the most common.

What you need / deserve is a little bit of help to deal with it.

My first choice would be my partner ("I think I might be suffering from depression, have you noticed any changes in me?"). If you don't feel that is appropriate, make an appointment to see your GP. Now.

Personally, and many people will disagree, I would not lead with mentioning any suicidal thoughts for the time being. People can have very strong negative reactions to that and if you don't feel you are "at risk", I would keep that bit to yourself for the time being.

VfM4meplse

Finst wrote: »

Personally, and many people will disagree, I would not lead with mentioning any suicidal thoughts for the time being. People can have very strong negative reactions to that and if you don't feel you are "at risk", I would keep that bit to yourself for the time being.

I hate to say it, but I agree. Thoughts about death are not necessarily suiidal, though!

You sound as though you have plenty of insight OP, but don't do or say anything that could jeopardise your ability to look after your child.